Advice for Women · Andshelaughs · Business Careers · Career · Career Advice · Careers · Christmas · Christmas Letters · Inspiration · Meaning of Christmas · Middle Age · Midlife · Monday Inspiration · Monday Motivation · Motivation · Motivation Advice · Professional Women · Religion and Spirituality · Self-Care · Self-Help · Uncategorized · Women's Issues · Working Women

Christmas Is: Time to Cheer for Change

So I’ve been writing a lot about Christmas. I love Christmas, it’s easy to get lost in the merriment and let’s face it, I’m easily distracted by shiny things.

What I haven’t been writing about is how burnt out I am. How I have let things go so long, that now it feels like it’s gone to shit. And I don’t have the inclination to fix it, fake it, or take it.

I’m not a sissy at burn out. I’ve been there before, but now I’m too old for it. I feel like a toddler with my chubby arms crossed against my old-lady chest, lip stuck out, emphatically letting the world know that, ” I don’t have to.” It’s not cute, and it’s not pretty, but it is what it is.

I may look sad, but trust me, I’m pissed. And I will not tolerate anyone’s shit. Not for love or money.

I’m not a nervous breakdown burn-out. I’m a pissed off, middle-aged burn out.  And when I’m pissed off I cry. Then I get frustrated with myself, and I get angrier, and then I cry.

I constantly tell myself everything is rosy when it’s not. I can do it for years. It’s a long-standing type of self-preservation that only people who come from a history of abuse will understand. Take it from me, you know when it’s time to move on from any kind of toxic relationship; career, friendship, romance, family…whatever.

If your burnout is from work, try to reframe it until you can leave. Through coaching and experience, I have learned that sometimes work can give us what we need ( a pay cheque) until we find a pay cheque that stresses us less. Nothing lasts forever. And that’s a good thing.

Recently I was speaking to one of my friends who has her own counselling practice. She said that people come to her on a regular basis terrified of crying at work, totally victims of harassment and workplace bullying, the ugly step-daughters of corporate greed. I do believe that working until we have nothing left to give is one of the great social diseases of our time.  It eats away at the good things in our life, until it’s the only thing we can think about. Not cool. Not sexy. Not impossible to extricate yourself from either.

I have been very lucky in the past to have meaningful work that didn’t feel so much like work.  And that gives me hope, and I hope it gives you hope as well.

The end of the year often lends itself to retrospection, which goes hand in hand with setting goals for the new year. What was great about my year? What wasn’t so great? How am I going to change that? How am I going to make my life better?

stuckOnce upon a time my Mumster told me to go home and just look at job sites. She said knowing that so many opportunities are out there would cheer me up. She’s right. It was the same feeling I had as I drove through the city streets from our island airport. I looked up at all of the tall buildings, at all the lights, the ads, and I knew that there was opportunity if only I got out and let the world know that I was interested.

If you’re feeling burnt out, I hope you don’t get comfy in the cushy sofa of despair.  I hope that you set coffee dates with people who are doing what you want to do and are open to sharing their experience.  Spend time with people who love you and want you to be successful. Start small if you have to. Offer your services on fiverr, take free classes at the local library, be curious.

There are plenty of resources out there for you. My sweetie loves,  What Colour is Your Parachute, but I prefer Careergasm. I’m a fan of Sara Smeaton and think that in 2020 I need to spend more time at her workshops.  Last year I started off the year going to seminars, setting goals and putting myself out there. It fizzled at the end, but I gained some momentum…and I’m convinced that that momentum will continue.

As one of my  hippy dippy friends said, “Put it out to the universe.”  She was right. Put it out there. Let the world know you are open to opportunity, and it will find you.

 

Columns Relationship Advice · Feminism · Feminist Culture · Feminists · Friends · Friendship · Friendships · Girl Stuff · Lean In Girl Stuff · New Feminism · Professional Women · Relationship Advice · Relationships · The New Feminism · Uncategorized · women · Women's Issues

Ladies Night

dull-housewifeSometimes women are their worst enemies.

I have a reputation for rallying the troops for bi-annual lunches and events. But I’m pretty discouraged. In a recent attempt to bring some women together for a march to support women’s rights and a lunch afterward (yah, first world), I had one response from 25 women. One. Talk about privileged apathy.

I’m tired of hearing women complain about fatigue, feeling unfulfilled and burnt out when 99% of us don’t do a damn thing about it.This included rallying in the streets to protest our continued oppression. And I’m tired of being the only woman in my circle who swings wide the door so women have a place to come and bond. Ladies night? Whatever, I hear you bitching, but I don’t see you getting your goddess on and doing something about it.

Women are  caregivers, the healers and the peacemakers. We do a damn good job of sabotaging our own happiness by making sure everyone else’s needs are taken care of first.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m queen of cooking and mothering. I love to love, and I show it by being generous with my time and affection. I’m also human with my own needs, creativity and intellect.

It is apparent that men damn well do as they please with the absolute expectation that we’ll pack them a lunch on their way;We’re having a boys night, I’m going for a drink, we’re going to the game. Good. Go. Pul-eaze.

I believe that women absolutely need other women. We often get lost in this good-housekeeping-Maytag-1940’s-couture-ideal of being a partner, and when our relationships decay and our kids fly the coop, what’s left? I’ll tell you – a woman with no confidence,identity or fun stuff in her closet.

Having been single for most of my adult life, I feel blessed to have been so independent, I feel proud of my hard-won confidence and courage. I respect other women who haven’t won their financial freedom by spending years  in a marriage with no real relationship to their partner or themselves, only to the status quo.

Women need women. I aspire to inspire, and I also need to be around other women who make our goddess-power a priority. Applications now being accepted; bring fabulousness.

 

 

 

 

Economics · Entertainment · Girl Stuff · Health · Life · Men's Issues · Politics · Relationships · Spirituality · Women's Issues

Authenticity

authenticWorking with a new database, I was prompted to input information about my ‘contact’s so that at pre-determined intervals, the ‘system’ would send out a reminder to little ole’ me to give them a call and chat them up.

Sounds like a great idea considering I’m a bit of a bubblehead, and tend to forget dates and time easily. I do however have a deep abiding intuition about people that has served me well throughout my lifetime.

That means that when I meet a person in a business or in a personal situation, I often am attracted to them or not based on how authentic in their work and being they seem to be.

When I contact them, it’s because they have entered my mind, and I hope that they’re doing well.  It’s authentic, it’s real, and I think people can sense that.

Don’t get me wrong, my radar has been off a few times, and there have been times that I’ve chosen to ignore it…for years…but for the most part, I know another genuine, gentle, on-the-path-to-enlightenment soul when I meet one.

With the loss of small towns and close-knit families, we have lost our accountability to one another. We are not ‘we’ anymore, functioning within the boundaries of our role within the community. Just as with any other circumstance, there are benefits and drawbacks.

For the most part, we are a bunch of I’s, going about our daily business, caught in our worlds managed by databases and duties tied to our own prosperity, reminded by machines to stop and call someone to inquire about how they are, and of course, what they can do for us.

Beyond techno-prompts (which, I have to admit have their place), we have the living hell of group emails and texts. For the purpose of transmitting the who, what, where, when and why of logistical information, group texts and emails are heavenly.

It’s the ‘REPLY ALL’ option that makes me want to launch my iPhone off, into a never-ending journey to the depths of Amish hell.  Inevitably someone goes off track, and begins an entire conversation that has my desk, hip or handbag vibrating like a night at the motel on the edge of town.

For the love of all that’s sacred, pull-eaze just make some time to spend with your ‘REPLY ALL’ buddy and go for a drink and an in-the-flesh-I-can-see-your-facial-expressions-and-hear-the-tone-in-your-voice conversation.

There is nothing like a face to face encounter to make your intuition hum, and awaken your human spirit. Instead we have messages emailed out that are either carefully crafted, or shot from the hip.

I suggest that our true selves have fallen victim to technology. We dust of different persona’s too often that it confuses even ourselves.

The bottom line for me is that my friendships are true. If I email you it’s not because I think it’ll pad my savings account. It may induce belly laughter, tears, or a sense of connection.

That’s not just true of my personal relationships. It’s also true of my business ethic. If I don’t believe you’re a good person, I don’t want to do business with you.

Do you know why? It’s because I know from experience that there are always good people out there, authentic people, who are as qualified as you to do the job, and will treat clients with deep respect and care.

That my dear ones, is what our work is all about. It doesn’t matter where you work or what you do, your job is important, and the rest of the world relies on you to be kind, authentic and to work with good intentions.  It’s not just work, it’s life. Life doesn’t know what 9-5 is, because it’s everywhere, all the time.

It’s not someone else’s responsibility to make the world a kinder place to live, it’s ours.

 

Creative Writing · Entertainment · Girl Stuff · Life · Men's Issues · Poetry · Relationships · Singles · Uncategorized · Women's Issues · Writing

Friday Fifty: Falling In Love Again

Eavesdropping at Cafe Nero.
Eavesdropping at Cafe Nero. (Photo credit: Neil. Moralee)

“Well, surprise surprise. There he is waiting for me, looking just a nervous as he did in tenth grade.  David Callaghan. His strong hands are wrapped around his warm cup of coffee, and I know that he doesn’t know I’m there watching him. Maybe it’s not too late after all.”

 

It’s Friday Fifty!  If you’d like to give Friday Fifty a spin, you must play by the rules  darlings, click through to  dans les pointes suture . You can leave your fifty in the comments box or post it on your blog and link back to this post.

Twitter etiquette for Friday Fifty on Twitter, then don’t forget to use the hashtag #Friday50. Happy Writing!

Creative Writing · Entertainment · Girl Stuff · Health · Life · Men's Issues · Poetry · Relationships · Singles · Spirituality · Uncategorized · Women's Issues · Writing

Friday Fifty: Forget It

don't walk away from me now.
don’t walk away from me now. (Photo credit: Beni Ishaque Luthor)

Inspired by the give and take of every-day relationships; friends, family,lovers, colleagues, foes…

You want me to go out of my way for you when you have no respect for my time, my boundaries or my well-being? Forget it. You want me to be your emotional confident with nothing in return? Forget it. You want a mutually respectful relationship. I’m all yours baby“.

 

It’s Friday Fifty! I’ve linked through another blog above, but I believe that this Friday Fifty was inspired by the Scottish Trust’s Fifty Word Fiction Competition.

If you’d like to give Friday Fifty a spin, you must play by the rules as posted at dans les pointes suture darlings. You can leave your fifty in the comments box or post it on your blog and link back to this post.

Twitter etiquette for Friday Fifty on Twitter, then don’t forget to use the hashtag #Friday50. Happy Writing!

Creative Writing · Entertainment · Life · Relationships · Singles · Uncategorized · Writing

Friday Fifty: Desperate Women

Lovers passionately kissing in a park

“My heart was pounding under my green, silk, shirt. Did he know? The thought of having his hands on my body made my stomach curdle. I could taste the bile at the back of my throat when he kissed me. I needed to get inside. This was the only way.”

It’s Friday Fifty! I’ve linked through another blog above, but I believe that this Friday Fifty was inspired by the Scottish Trust’s Fifty Word Fiction Competition.

If you’d like to give Friday Fifty a spin, you must play by the rules as posted at dans les pointes suture darlings. You can leave your fifty in the comments box or post it on your blog and link back to this post.

Twitter etiquette for Friday Fifty on Twitter, then don’t forget to use the hashtag #Friday50. Happy Writing!

Creative Writing · Education · Entertainment · Health · Life · Poetry · Relationships · Spirituality · Uncategorized · Writing

Friday Fifty: Suffering and Presence

crying-statueThis Friday fifty was inspired by my work in end-of-life care, and my own spiritual practice.

“I’m not afraid of tears. Not like everyone else seems to be. The expression of human suffering causes panic; I must do something! What the world needs is more humanity, empathy, and to cultivate presence. Suffering is not’ bad’ or wrong. It is a rich experience from which to grow.”

It’s  Friday Fifty! I’ve linked through another blog above, but I believe that this Friday Fifty was inspired by the Scottish Trust’s Fifty Word Fiction Competition.

If you’d like to give Friday Fifty a spin, you must play by the rules as posted at  dans les pointes suture darlings.  You can leave your fifty in the comments box  or post it on your blog and link back to this post.

Twitter etiquette for Friday Fifty on Twitter, then don’t forget to use the hashtag #Friday50. Happy Writing!