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Give Them the Leftovers

the sunThe headline on my yahoo homepage today was about Selena Gomez, the pop-star turned kidney transplant recipient, and the trolls who were criticizing her body. After experiencing the limits of her mortality, I’m sure the woman really doesn’t give a shit about critics of her amazing body.

Whether you’re Selena Gomez, or an average gal just trying to make a living, there will always be critics, people who intentionally try to make life harder for you. These folks are known as; assholes.

Delve into any type of spirituality that gets you through the day. There are a million pithy sayings that we can pull out of the air to set us on our own determined path to success (whatever that means in the moment);

Be kind to those who are unkind as they need it the most

An eye for an eye.

Give thanks to all of those people who were challenging as they were your greatest teachers.

Or, as I’ve come to realize with my more limited middle-aged energy; fuck’em.

Seriously, leave them to live as they are; miserable, petty and when you have enough energy leftover from loving your wonderful, healing, and healthy self, pass the love along to them.

If, like me, your life has finally come in for a landing and isn’t one survival worry after the next, give yourself all the love you can. Give the haters the leftovers.


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The Warm Fuzzies of Dysfunction

consentAs my fingers pressed a code-lock into the keypad, followed by the clicking of my heels on the tiled floor, I thought to myself, “Wow, you’ve come a long way lady! I wonder what they’d think of me now?”

I thought about having a conversation and catching up on everything they’d missed out on since I last saw them.  All it would take is a quick dial of the phone, and I could hear their voice. Who knows what miracle might happen?

I had a moment of indulgence, fantasizing about the good times and talks that we’d had. I thought about how nice it was to have that relationship, the intimacy of knowing someone well, where they came from, and how they became the person who they are today.

But,  the short answer to my warm and fuzzy, nostalgia inspired questions is; Likely the same stupid, twisted stuff they thought about me back then. In plain-speak my dazzling belles of the ball, that means that whatever they once thought of me, or might think of me now really doesn’t matter.

That’s the ultimate truth about dysfunctional relationships – they’re dysfunctional. Unhealthy. Less than anyone deserves, and a complete and utter waste of a precious lifetime.

Dwelling too long on the few sweet drops of goodness of a bad relationship does way more damage than lack of exercise, too much hooch, or saturated fat. It steals your future, and kills your self-worth.

Dysfunction is often just  a nice way to say abusive, and it’s dangerous because it stems from the most intimate and trusted of relationships. You know as well as I do darling that the more intimate the relationship, the deeper the potential wound.

Today my cousin posted a quote about doubt, and I think it’s a very apt thought with regard to the difficult relationships in our lives. Whenever you find yourself doubting someone, or your relationship with them, whether they’re a lover of the hot-sweaty-jungle-sex-kind, or even your one and only mother, consider this;

Cherish your doubts, for doubt is the attendant of truth.

Doubt is the key to the door of knowledge; it is the servant of discovery.

A belief which may not be questioned binds us to error,

for there is incompleteness and imperfection in every belief.

Doubt is the touchstone of truth; it is an acid which eats away the false.

Let no one fear for the truth, that doubt may consume it; for doubt is the testing of belief.

The truth stands boldly and unafraid; it is not shaken by the testing.”

~ Rev. Robert T. Weston, Unitarian Universalist minister

Unfortunately living within a dysfunctional relationship poisons everything that is good in your life. That is the well into which dysfunctional people drip their contagion.

Too often, hindsight wears rose-coloured glasses, forgives like Gandhi, and seduces like a Parisian whore,  making you think that you’re the bad one for establishing and keeping healthy boundaries.

Your past is the past, and the people in it are usually there for a reason.

Keep your chin up darling, and your sights set on the life and loves that your heart truly desires. You’re just too beautiful for anything less.



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Spiritual Hip-Waders

angry_woman (Photo credit: Floyd Brown)

You be the judge, or perhaps maybe not.

Maybe you might like to step back, take a breath, and lend a hand instead of tearing someone down with your judgmental old self.

It’s easier said than done, right? It’s easy to be caught up in the moment and react. Yah, I get it.

Being present, being compassionate, being empathetic; None of these ways of being are actually something many of us cultivate on a day-to-day basis. You know, with other real people, not just philosophy books, or quirky memes, or when we’re in a good mood.

It’s a constant struggle for balance between keeping firm personal boundaries and benevolence.

One thing I’ve noticed throughout my life is that the folks first to judge are the least likely to actually ‘do’, least likely to stop complaining and take risks to make a difference.

In other words, they have a shallow pool of spiritual awareness and like to baptize us all with their egos instead of donning a pair of spiritual hip waders to explore the fertile, magic, muck of their own humanity.

We all fall short sometimes and we know it. Trust me kittens, the last thing anyone needs is to be kicked when they’re down. In other words, if you don’t have anything kind so say, keep your cake-hole busy biting your tongue.

Some folks need to be needed. It’s misplaced ego stroking at best, and just because you’re happy to be open to the needs of others without needing to be a martyr, don’t let their martyr mentality shadow your own strength and independence.

For anyone struggling with constant critics, poisonous environments or abusive relationships of any sort I offer you my final thoughts;

You know who you are and that your intentions are good.

You are intelligent. You are strong. You are beautiful.

If you’ve felt the snub of the judgmental, the armchair life coaches, and chronically bitchy, don’t you dare let it get to you. Remember how far you’ve come.

That is all my sweet darlings. That is all.