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Christmas Wish List

stockingsIf you’re gonna buy a gift, either make it practical, or make it thoughtful.

Practical is something you know that the receiver wants or needs. Thoughtful is something that made you think of that person, and you want to give it to them.

Gift giving is not about stuffing stockings with filler, or re-gifting office party leftovers. It is meaningful or it is nothing. I  love receiving homemade gifts because it means someone took time to think of me, and I enjoy making gifts because it slows things down, and gives me time to be thankful for the people I love.

I ask for lists because I can’t make everything. One homemade gift for as many people as I can make for.

I still believe in Santa though. I like to think that the people I love get something  fun that they otherwise wouldn’t get for themselves.  That means that Santa still comes to my house. In the morning stockings that were flat and lifeless are stuffed to overflowing, and there are a couple of packages that weren’t under the tree the night before.

This year I have been asked for a list. So, here it is – with explanations. DO NOT say I didn’t give you any hints this year Santas…

 

Any team gear from my kiddo’s team – Go Gryphons!!!

mittens

 

I wear two kinds of perfume, and two kinds of perfume only. I am out of one of those kinds;

poeme

 

My favourite body wash;

 

comforter

 

Icy Squares for my stocking.

icy squares

 

 

The Hardware I picked out in NYC;

 

hardwaregold

 

My favourite slippers;

snoozies skinnies

 

 

So that’s all I can come up with really. Santa does still shop at Tiffany’s, right???

 

 

 

 

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Gift Guide for Middle-Aged Women

its cold outside
its cold outside (Photo credit: carbonated)

In other words, what to buy for me this Christmas….just kidding. Sorta…

Although I may not be the same dress size, complexion, or ethnicity as every woman, I offer you a guide to buying for women who are between 38 and 45…or somewhere close to that.

1) Matching glove and scarf sets. Yes, we’re matchy-matchy. It’s our generation. Make it a bold colour with no pattern We will think of you every time we wear it, and have it for at least three seasons.

2) Spa dates. Yes, that’s right, schedule and pay for the whole fandango. If you get us a gift card we may not go. We’re busy you know, sandwiched between generations, working, and trying to juggle it all.

3) If you are buying for  the special lady in your life, just make it easy on yourself and buy jewelry. We like shiny things…that fit.

4) Beautiful mugs, pens, business card holders or a lightweight mirror compact for your purse. All of these things are useful and remind us of you when we use them every day.

5) Booze. Seriously. Something special, vintage or rare. For instance a lovely bottle of scotch, our favourite bottle of red, or even a bottle of fairly priced bubbly. If you are a lover, we will share with you after you’ve performed your mandatory duties. If you are a friend, we will toast with our tipples by the fireplace. If you are our boss, buy us one of each….No, I’m not kidding.

6) Treat us to a live performance, not you doing a randy striptease in your fruit of the loom at the end of the bed darling. No. How about a concert, a play, a Christmas concert.

7) Do something sweet and thoughtful. For example; buy twelve bottles of wine ( all different kinds, some for winter, some for spring, autumn and summer). Attach a cute tag to each one telling us when and where we’ll be drinking it together; “The first snow storm”, “The first day over 30 degrees”, “On our anniversary”….you get the idea.

8) Gift cards from our favourite lingerie shop. Whether it’s our every day bra’s or our finer pink and whites, we like to choose them ourselves.

9) Travel mugs. The be all and end all of every woman’s weekday routine. We like pretty ones…

10) Any trinket or gadget or book related to our favourite hobby….cycling? running? running? needlework? cooking? decorating?

This is just a primer folks. Whether you’re buying for your aunt or your girlfriend, we all love the thought that you put into the gifts that you give to us, and more than a gift, we appreciate the time that we get to spend with you. So don’t forget that.

 

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Luxe Gifts For Women

You know how I feel about over-spending, over-shopping, and basically being taken, hook, line and sinker by the flashy adverts extolling excess, gluttony, and greed. If you don’t, I’ll summarize; It’s hogwash.

However, should you require a very special gift for the Princess in your life, and don’t know where to begin, let me help you.

If you’re going to go overboard, do it whole-heartedly with abandon.

You may also require a bank loan, 12 shots of Christmasy tequila, or, perhaps a new lady-love with lower expectations. But we don’t judge here do we ladies? No. We just dole out advice, and then sit back with your dainty crystal-wear filled with some wonderful southern comfort.

So, for those looking for that je ne sais quoi over-the-top-glitz-gift, I offer up a list of indulgent gifts and experiences.

Luxe Gifts for Your Christmas Princess

1) A sparkly bangle. Think of it as a 50 Shades reminder of your hold on her.

14 Carat Gold, Twisted Diamond Bangle
14 Carat Gold, Twisted Diamond Bangle

2) How about a nice little weekend property in the Cayman Islands. Just connect with one of the locals and voila – she’s putty in your sandy hands.

Nothing says, "I love you", like a few cool million.
Nothing says, “I love you”, like a few cool million.

3) Ok, let’s not get carried away. How about a simple handbag?

Leiber Precious Rose Bag - $92,000  This unique little gem boasts,  1,016 diamonds(42.56 carats), 1,169 pink sapphires and 800 tourmalines. LIke your lady-love, there is only one of these to be had.
Leiber Precious Rose Bag – $92,000
This unique little gem boasts, 1,016 diamonds(42.56 carats), 1,169 pink sapphires and 800 tourmalines. LIke your lady-love, there is only one of these to be had.

4) How about Maison Victor’s diamond ring-ed dildo. Ideal for the couple who travel independently. Nothing says I love you like 8 inches of white gold and diamonds.

For just over $55,000, it's the gift that just keeps on giving...
For just over $55,000, it’s the gift that just keeps on giving…

5) One of my favourite romantic gifts is a case of something bubbly, labeled with dates and events during which you will pop the cork and enjoy a bottle of something cool and refreshing with your lady-love. Think events like; First Snow Storm , Valentine’s Day, Evening before our Winter Get-Away…..

For the woman who expects the best, why not try a moderately priced bottle of Dom Perignon, which you can order through our local Ontario Vintages?

I was an arts major, but even I know that 12x$222.95 = getting lucky for sure!
I was an arts major, but even I know that 12x$222.95 = getting lucky for sure!

6) For Princess you are just beginning to court, how about a nice, unassuming box of chocolates? How about some Knipschildt truffles? Recognized as the most expensive chocolate in the world….half a dozen should do it! Add a bottle of Dom, and you’ve provided a little snackie-poo for the princess’s next bath.

Delicious!
Delicious!

 

7) If you’re ready for a commitment, why not pop the question and offer you hand in matrimonial bliss, along with this humble symbol of your undying adoration from Tiffany?

The answer will be yes, yes, YES!!!
The answer will be yes, yes, YES!!!

 

 

8) If your Princess is a bit of an intellectual like myself (I prefer being called, “Duchess”, as Princess is too naïve for me), how about a good book? Perhaps one of two copies of  Ptolemy’s 1477 Cosmography? Don’t ask me how, where or if this is available, but you’re a man right? There’s nothing like overcoming a challenge to impress your little lady. Go for it cowboy.

Knowledge - Priceless!
Knowledge – Priceless!

 

9) If you can afford these gifts, your Princess’s number one complaint will be that you don’t get to spend enough time together. So, why not buy her the gift of companionship. After all those who say that money can’t buy happiness, just don’t know where to shop darling!

Search your local directory for escort services near you. She may be offended at first, but trust me, after spending a few days with her new BFF, she’ll be living in paradise. Besides that, what will she do if she has to change the batteries in her new toy – I’m sure this gentleman could help while you’re out-of-town.

hohoho

 

10) How about a little getaway to Nygard Cay to  refresh and rejuvenate the princess. If you can’t go, I’m sure you can find an escort to keep her company and see to it that her needs are met.

nygard cay

 

 

 

 

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Christmas Top Ten

English: Christmas cookies Deutsch: Weihnachts...
English: Christmas cookies Deutsch: Weihnachtskekse (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I love the holidays.

Yes, even the displays in the stores that begin in October. Just because we live in a world where we are brainwashed into our consumer stupors, doesn’t mean we have to participate.

It’s ok, more than ok, just to enjoy the lights, the energy, and be quietly reflective.

Today I offer you my current Top Ten list of Christmasy things to help get your ‘Christmas On’

 

1) Eggnog, eggnot lattes (which, I must confess, comes a close second (gasp!) to the Starbucks Caramel Brulee Latte), Eggnog and rum, Eggnog shortbread, Eggnog snogs under the mistletoe…

2) Christmas Carols, and radio stations that are ‘All Christmas’ at this time of year. After all, you can always turn it off and on whenever the mood strikes.

3) Snuggling under a blanket and watching the snow fall.

4) A warm, roaring fireplace.

5) Cookies. There is always an abundance at Christmas time, and I can totally enjoy that!!!

6) Donating or volunteering for charities. It’s fun, it makes you feel good, and it helps other people – t’is the season after all!

7) Christmas parties – an excuse to buff and scrub and feel pretty…and dance!

8) Getting Christmas cards in the mail. Better than bills and junk mail by far. This includes the crazy, too-freaking-much-information letters that people send out. I love those.

9) Giving gifts. Whether it’s a cup of coffee or a coveted luxury item, it’s nice to light up someone’s day and let them know that you listen, and you like to make them happy.

10) Time with friends. This my number one favourite thing about Christmas. This is a gift you can’t return, or have stolen from  you. It’s the true meaning of the season, and I look so forward to these special coffee, dinner, party…and ‘whatever’ dates with my friends, family and colleagues.

I hope that this niggles your hum-bug and helps you see some of the simple joys that are available not just during Christmas time, but all year ’round.

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Secret Santa For Your Sweetheart

English: Danboard holding a Christmas gift.
English: Danboard holding a Christmas gift. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

My shopping is finished before mid-November. My wrapping is complete within a week of putting up my tree (also in November), and my schedule is chock-a-block with Christmas get-togethers by the time the calendar is turned to the month of December.

And then I think of just one more gift. Just one more person who could use a little treat.

That one more person is often the current apple of my very hard to catch beautiful blue eye.

First there is the question of whether to buy a gift at all.

Should I? Shouldn’t I? What if they get all awkward and all, “I forgot your gift at home,” or, well, just weird.

But what if they don’t? What if they genuinely love the idea that you thought enough of them to offer them something at Christmas time?

What if, whether or not they turn out to be the love of your life or not, you end up brightening up someone’s life during the season of mystery, light and goodwill. Either way, going out on the gift-giving limb is win-win, situation.

Are you afraid of rejection or having your pride hurt? Sissy. If, at this stage we don’t go after what we want, we’ll be lonely old pitiful souls.

So, I have decided that this year, I will be buying the man who puts a twinkle in my eye and a little skip in  my middle-aged step a small gift to let him  know that he is in my heart.

For the ladies and gentleman out there who aren’t ready to hop into the sack, profess their undying love, nor are ready to give up getting to know someone special, I offer you a list of things you may wish to offer as a small token of your affection;

1) A beautiful pair of gloves or mittens with a little note..think something like, ” Wishing you a warm and cozy holiday,” for the more bold, you may like to try, “These are to keep your strong, capable hands warm so that you can warm me up later tonight.”

2) Cologne/Perfume; a small bottle. Perhaps offer to dab a little bit behind their ear and then take a slow breath next to their skin to inhale the scent. For the more bold lovers out there, buy yourself a wonderful new scent, dab a bit on your décolletage, direct their schnoz to your perfumed fleshy heaven and ask them if they like it.

3) Homemade baking. We’ve all heard that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, but women also appreciate a man who knows how to stir up something sweet.

4) An ornament. Be prepared to explain why it’s special and why you chose it for your sweetheart.

5) Music. Let them know which song reminds you of them and why.

6) Take them out for a walk or a movie or a quaint cup of coffee. Time, after all is a wonderful gift, and one that everyone appreciates.

7) A wine, scotch, bourbon or beer tasting. Go out and have some fun. Let them know that you know what they like, and you want them to  enjoy themselves.

8) A cozy blanket. Again, I suggest a note for the meek, ” Wishing you a warm and cozy Christmas.” For the less meek, “Hoping we can get into some trouble under the covers.”

9) An advent calendar with notes tucked inside. For the meek, include something pithy, generic and inspirational from tumbler, etc. For the less meek, leave a daily hint as to where to find you under the mistletoe on a certain date, at an exact time – clothing optional.

10) Give them a calendar for the new year with notes and dates you’ll spend together, written throughout the months of the year.

Whatever you decide to do, just DO something.

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Gift Guide for Teenage Boys

Cufflinks I: Men Prefer SWANK
Cufflinks I: Men Prefer SWANK (Photo credit: jessica @ flickr)

As the mother of a boy, I have always been disappointed by the lack of gift ideas for them. Unless they’re connected to the computer or video games, there seems to be a black hole of gift guides for the young gentlemen in your life.

So, as a gift to you this Christmas, I offer up a selection of possible gifts for teenage boys.

Gift Giving Guide for Teenage Boys

1) High quality finery such as a set of cuff links, a silk tie, a dress shirt, and dapper dress socks

2) A great set of headphones for their iPod/iPhone

3) A selection of classic rock.

4) Toiletries that will make him feel like the great gentleman he’s developing into being; shaving soap, shaving brush, cologne, nail trimming set

5) A classic book such as Hemingway’s ‘The Old Man & The Sea’

6) The gift of time; take him to a museum, gallery, dinner or concert

7) Sports Equipment

8) Fly fishing lessons

9) Bedroom makeover, including new bedding, new art, and new lighting

10) Again, the gift of time – instead of a gift card, take him for lunch, dinner, brunch, and to his favourite shop where he can choose an item of clothing of his choice.

Wishing everyone a joyful Christmas surrounded by people you love!

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Christmas Shopping in Perspective

Some children looking at a selection of Christ...
Some children looking at a selection of Christmas Cards during the 1910 holiday season. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

When I proudly posted that I had finished all of my Christmas shopping on my Facebook page, I was surprised at the response.

Expectation is a funny beast. I expected folks to say things like, “Wow, that’s great.”, or “Now you can just relax and enjoy the season.”

But oh no. Expectation once again reared its ugly head and bit my ego in the buns.

Instead, their (you know, the universal ‘they‘) feedback was all up in my delightfully sweet and innocent face, “You should focus on the REAL meaning of the season.”, and other such very religiously correct poo-ha.

The reason that I have finished my Christmas shopping my darlings, is precisely for those reasons. But did they  assume the best? Oh no they did not.

It was as if  they thought  I have some hidden bunker of materialistic dazzling gifts and  that I drip showy gifts every where that’s blessed with my presence as I hover just an inch or so off of the mundane ground.

Sorry to disappoint you all, but I buy very few gifts, and the gifts that I do buy, I buy because I see Christmas as an opportunity.

It’s an opportunity to slow down and it’s an opportunity to express gratitude to the people who make life wonderful every day of the year.

It is a time to remember joy, hope, generosity, love and peace. I’ve heard multitudes of people sneer and say that if people can’t be like that all year, don’t be a hypocrite and celebrate Christmas. I disagree. Yes, it’s the least we can do to stop and extend charity to those less fortunate during this season, but it’s better than the alternative; an entire society void of any sense of community, charity and affinity with one another.

It’s the ONLY time of year that people take time to reconnect. I spend far more time and money on food and entertaining than I do on actual gifts. Presence is presents. I have turfed many a man because he couldn’t be bothered to be around for the holidays. Pish-posh – no woman should put up with that.

Give me an hour or two of quality time throughout the season, and I’m thrilled, delighted, and yes, it makes me feel special; friend, lover, colleague or family.

So, I do have my holiday shopping complete. I finish it up early in November so that I can focus on spending time with  and welcoming my friends into my home for the holidays.

My idea of Christmas is not dueling on the highways to merge into mall parking lots attended by security and police. It is not getting elbowed by greedy ‘princesses’ who just have to have the latest bag, shoe or trinket and feel entitled to better service, better prices and better selection than everyone else.

From now until the new year, I will be holed up in my little abode, cooking and baking in my kitchen. Having tea by the fireplace with my girlfriends, and perhaps a snog or two under the mistletoe.

Don’t let the pressure of the biggest advertising season of the year get you down. The people who really care are the ones who are just happy to spend some time with you. And let’s face it darlings, those are the only people who really matter.