Enough. That was the single word on the placard that hung above the chair of my friend’s father just prior to his death.
Enough, as in; I’ve had enough of everyone else’s shit, or Enough as in; I am content because I have enough. That’s the question isn’t it?
What is enough?
At this stage of life, I’ve had enough. Enough heartache, enough rejection, enough disappointment, and enough of other people’s crap.
But I also have enough. Enough joy during the time I spend with my child. Enough money to pay the rent and buy food. Enough friendship to buoy me up when I feel like I’m drowning.
Enough is a powerful word, and something that my generation needs to consider. What is enough from a partner or spouse? What is enough from a job or a pay cheque, and what is enough when you combine it all to say that you are ‘happy’?
It seems like today “enough” is so much more than what we need.
I have everything that I need. I am healthy. I am educated. I am employed. I have a healthy child. I have enough…..and yet, every day I wish for more…..a man who loves me, total elimination of debt, a Caribbean vacation, and of course, a pay raise.
During the past few weeks I’ve had the chance to talk to a few men, and ladies, you need to trust me on this one, you need to be cognizant of what is enough in your relationships.
Yes, I do understand, you wonderful, fabulous, very sexy and sensuous ladies want a man who can appreciate the delicate creatures that you are. You want flowers and jewels and hot, passionate love-making. I can’t fault you for that. I would like that too.
What you need to consider is that, at this stage and age, the men in our lovely lives have been through hell and back trying to please our younger, less sophisticated selves.
A loving man, is enough. He may be quiet. He may be shy. He may be a wild tiger in bed just waiting to be unleashed by a sensitive, sensual lover like yourself.
Think twice before you let him go. He may just be….enough 😉
Inspired by the give and take of every-day relationships; friends, family,lovers, colleagues, foes…
“You want me to go out of my way for you when you have no respect for my time, my boundaries or my well-being? Forget it. You want me to be your emotional confident with nothing in return? Forget it. You want a mutually respectful relationship. I’m all yours baby“.
If you’d like to give Friday Fifty a spin, you must play by the rules as posted at dans les pointes suture darlings. You can leave your fifty in the comments box or post it on your blog and link back to this post.
Twitter etiquette for Friday Fifty on Twitter, then don’t forget to use the hashtag #Friday50. Happy Writing!
There are many famous quotes about friendship. Many clichés, and many pieces of advice.
The saying that wraps up the essence of friendship is this one by Elbert Hubbard; ” A friend is someone who knows you, and loves you just the same.”…or this one by Norman Douglas..”To find a friend one must close one eye; to keep him, two.”…or perhaps this one by Oscar Wilde, “It’s a very dangerous thing to know one’s friend.”
Real friendships are hard to find and are one of life’s truly precious treasures. Throughout the years, it has been my friendships, not obligatory relations that have sustained me.
In my life I have friends I’ve known since I was born. I treasure each one as they have been added to the fold because at one point in time, or many, they have been my life-preservers. They have seen me at my ugliest, both physically and emotionally and they have maintained steadfast in their commitment to our relationship. They are the women who I call and ‘talk it out with’. They are the kindred fools that giggle and cry with me.
But what about when a friendship sputters and trips? What happens when one friend feels slighted, perhaps repeatedly by their friend? Is it time for a friend break-up, or just time for a little undeclared space? I tend to go with the undeclared space. This is something that I’ve never been able to do in a romantic relationship, but offer the courtesy of to my friends. After all, I can be a rather intense prima donna when I climb up onto my soapbox. I know my tongue is sharp, and my words can slice to the quick.
Judgement is something that we all do well. Perhaps its a defense mechanism against absolute insanity, organizational chaos and anarchy. We tend to judge someone as being right or wrong, good or bad, divided by the thin line between black and white. But wouldn’t you know it? Life, as it happens, is a large slice of grey most of the time. It is our friends whom we rely upon, when we’re lost in that dank, grey, forest to bring us out on the other side. They are our oars in rough water.
Every single one of my closest friends has made me think twice about our friendship. I’m sure that each of them has spent time considering my value as a friend as well. We have all done things that we don’t respect. We’ve seen one another’s ethical underbelly and had to turn away from it’s ugliness. But we come back. We take our time, we have our talks, we listen to one another, and we mend our friendships.
We have kept secrets from one another fearing the truth would hurt our friendship; that if we were brutally honest about our bad choices, our friendship would wither in the stagnant air of disgust, only to reveal the truth years later because we felt that our friendship was strong enough to handle it. The passing years had lessened the sharpness of the blade. And we were right. Years later, five years, ten years, twenty years….it doesn’t matter so much, and life goes on.
I think about my friendships, both old and new, and I am grateful for everyone. More forgiving than romantic relationships, there is an enduring quality, a commitment to friendship which transcends the trials of living every day. Friendship is the stick we measure our experience by, the safe confessional of all of our doubts and despair.
Regardless of what they do, where they go, and the decisions they make, I hold my friends in the highest esteem. Most of them are as crazy, whimsical and hard to figure out as me. What’s not to love?
So to my friends – I love you all. Each one of you….no matter what kind of crazy you brew up today.
Really. That’s what you should do every now and then darling. Trust me.
I have never. N.E.V.E.R. before taken a couple of days off just for myself. Entirely for me- Not for my child, my friends, my lover. A couple of hours maybe – to get a pedicure or massage, or sneak off to slip inconspicuously into a seat at the theatre so I could be entertained and escape the rat race for a couple of hours, but that’s it. Ok, I’ve been known to fly away for a week to ten days every once in a while, but I consider that social studies research.
I have never taken more than a couple of hours for myself alone until this past week. I actually took the plunge and added two whole, wonderful, luxurious days to my long Canada Day weekend.
I planned nothing. Nada. Zilch. I had visions of long, relaxing runs, episodes of Coronation Street in my nightgown, freshly bathed from those long runs, cold beer on my patio, writing, writing, writing and more writing.
The problem is, everyone else around me had ideas about what I should be doing. Even more distressing was that they not only insisted on sharing their ideas with me, they kept insisting on the ‘should’s’ and repeating themselves. Caveat here; it was all in my best interest, but poorly thought out.
Don’t you just love the “you should’s'” that involve doing more work; you should get in your car and drive two hours in the heat and traffic so we can….you should spend an entire day putting camping gear together so we can….you should get in the car, waste time in traffic so we can…negatory my gorgeous little sweetums. As a mater of fact, you should do whatever you like, and I should tell you you’re annoying the shit out of me.
A person who needs some time off and away from everyone is quite clearly, burnt-the-fuck-out. That’s french for burnt-the-fuck-out, in case you were wondering. It’s not rocket science, or alternative psychology. I’m tired. I’m just plain old tired of the robotic every-day-pay-my-bills-grind. No, I’m not depressed. No, I don’t think I need to see the doctor. No, as shocking as it may seem, I’m not lonely. Nope, not even a little bit. Nothing – zippo. I just want a couple of days to do the things that I absolutely love.
Thank you for your invitations to pool parties, barbeques, drinks on your deck, dinner, outings to art galleries, camping, hiking, and fundraisers. Thank you for offering to come and visit, to call, to email, to swim in my pool,to have me make you dinner and to make sure I’m still breathing. I really do appreciate that. I mean, after all, all of this doing things that I love to do is pretty difficult. Waking up without an alarm clock and wandering around for half an hour looking out the windows at the sunrise and hearing the birds chirp has been pretty distressing compared to the morning grind of city traffic and day-long meetings.
Odd that people are so concerned with the free time of others. What on earth would we all do if we weren’t out there making another dime for the system? Sweet love of Jesus, can you imagine if we had time off to relax, indulge our passions and rest our bodies?! What would the world come to?!
If I managed to do everything that my wonderful friends and acquaintances would have liked me to do, I would be exhausted, and I may not have bumped into a really, really nice (and pretty hot) guy that I’d met once before and forgotten about. Instead, I opted for my running shoes, my bathing suit, my notebook and heaven-forbid (gasp!) – serendipity. Being alone does not mean being lonely. Being alone does not mean there aren’t a zillion things to do. It has been, for the past few days gloriously liberating.
Rest assured, tomorrow I will wake to my alarm, look professional, and work by the clock like the rest of you. Tomorrow I will return phone calls and email and re-commit to the parties and dates already pencilled into my agenda. But today, it’s my swimsuit, my running shoes, my notebook and likely a little bit of Jimmy Buffett for good measure.
And yes, you really should just shut the hell up and do what you like.