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Not Being In Love: The Truth From Someone Who’s Single

"Don't ever settle for a relationship that doesn't allow you to be yourself." ~Unkown~
“Don’t ever settle for a relationship that doesn’t allow you to be yourself.”
~Unkown~

When you’re not in love, life is a lot simpler.

That’s what my experience has been. When you are in love, your heart aches for that someone special, and you would twist yourself inside out to make their world a little brighter.

Being in love is ideal, and not being in love can be very liberating.

Not being in love allows you the freedom to be distracted from your real life and to be entertained. Flirting requires a cleverness that gets lost in relationships. Not being in love means not being attached. Not being attached means not being attached to any particular  outcome. Not being attached to outcome lends itself to a lighthearted freedom, and you know what Janis Joplin’s famous rendition of Me and Bobby McGee taught us about freedom;

Freedom’s just another word for nothing left to lose

~Kris Kristofferson & Fred Foster~

One of the best parts of any great relationship that I have, whether it be romantic, or platonic, is that it was rooted in the deep muck of silliness, play and lack of inhibition.

Too many relationships have been about saving the other person. I don’t know about you, but I don’t like hanging around like that hideous orange and white life-preserver that dries out and cracks in the sun while everyone is having fun in the pool. I don’t want a needy partner looking to be saved. I want a relationship to be a place where we can both come to recharge our batteries, instead of sucking the energy from one another. It’s a fine balance my juicy little love-plums.

So if you’re not in love, the next best thing may be to be engaged in some sort of flirtatious shenanigans. These are the things that keep us young at heart, and there is nothing more deliciously sexy than someone who knows how to have fun. Wine doesn’t hurt either…but I digress.

Being in love can be safe, comfortable, and deeply satisfying. Not being in love often results in the singleton being told a plethora of platitudes from people who are only somewhat satisfied with their partners, some of the worst of which are; you’ll find someone when you’re not looking, don’t settle, and, have you tried on-line dating?

All the while, the singleton at the receiving end of this merciless load of poop is thinking, “Maybe you should try shutting up and going home to suffer in silence next to your boring partner who makes you feel mediocre at best.”

Not being in love does not offer the safety of two incomes. It does not offer an unconditional casual therapist. Not being in love leaves you free to choose when you want to wake up on your no-alarm clock days, and coming home to eat curry and drink beer in your undies after a long week at work. Not that I would personally ever do such a thing….

Not being in love also opens up a world of delight if only you can let yourself enjoy some harmless flirting. Which, has also been known to lead to falling head over heels into the sticky spider-web of love…proceed with caution my lovelies. Consider yourself warned.

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Holiday Flirting Season Kick-Off

redDear Gal-Pals,

Let it be known that I still have that Irish Fire I was known for in my youth.

Although there are men who never learn their lesson, I still believe there are good, fun, and very wonderful men out there, regardless of how poor my judgement, my grand naiveté, or my bubbly fuelled fairytale fantasies.

Ok, maybe the good ones are scarce, but the fun ones are a’plenty, and that’s all a girl really needs.

Let the games begin, and may the best,( very best ) man win…

Giddy-up and happy holidays!

 

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“Find what you love, and do THAT”

Easier said than done darlings...
Easier said than done darlings…

Yes, it’s just one of the more endearing quotes that plaster my social media walls.

Find what you love, and do that.

It sounds blissfully simple doesn’t it my darlings.?

Simply wake up every day, and do what makes your heart pitter-patter a little bit faster, makes your smile that much more toothy, and your entire aura vibrate to a wonderfully tuned and heavenly, “Om”.

Last week I promised myself that I would dedicate one full hour every day to something that makes my life brighter, happier, and more bearable. I promised myself that I would commit to at least one hour of writing novel number two.

 

My writing fell off the radar in the midst of job changes, sports momming and keeping the lights on. When my writing suffers, the rest of my life suffers.

After all, we are what we think, aren’t we darlings?

When I’m not writing, my imagination swells and puts pressure on the rest of my brain, and I lose my sense of humour, fun and wonder. Instead I get restless, impatient, and fabulously assertive.

I’ve reached that wonderful age where I know what I love, but I’ve got myself in a pay-the-bills rut.

I will share with you my “Love To Do” list, which may inspire a list of your very own.

Be sure to pick one thing to do on a daily basis, and a couple to make sure you do at least once a month.

 

LOVE TO DO

1) Writing or reading anything that contributes to creative thought and unleashing your creative spirit.

2) Drinking red wine in the bath followed by a good girl talk via telephone with your bestie who also misses the days before marriage and kiddos.

3) Lingerie and wild, sweaty, mind-blowing sex with a hot lover. Should you be monogamous, you may need a little tweak from a tall glass of bourbon straight up, no rocks. Oh, that’s just for the change room sweetie. I suggest something much stronger immediately prior to the boudoir. Everyone just looks and feels more sensual when their inhibitions are low sweetie. Don’t be shy, keep pouring…

4) Enjoying the great outdoors. Walking, hiking, running, hell, even sitting on a bench where you can see a patch of dirt. It’s all good.

5) Meditation. When you’re too busy to sit, you may as well quit. Do not do this under the influence of vino or your adult substance of choice, otherwise you may just completely blow your own little mind sweetie.

6) Flirting. Yep, you got it. Just do it. I had believed for a long, long time that I had lost my ability to flirt. It’s true, if you don’t use it, you lose it. Lately I’ve been practicing, and needless to say ladies and gents, there are a few boys out there feeling pretty darn hot. Flirting – it’s a win-win.

7) Taking a day off and having absolutely no set agenda. Nothing, not even plans to get out of bed and put on your sassy little panties. Nothing. Nada. Zip. Just roll out of the sack when you feel rested and go from there.

8) Intellectual conversation that borders on madness. Of course you must socialize in proper society, as this one requires a more sophisticated partner, but I know you have the connections pussy cat. Oh, and something deliciously intoxicating to sip, in order to fuel the madness.

9) Art. View it, feel it, create it. Just DO it. It untangles your perceptions and creates that je ne sais quoi that makes you brilliant and beautiful.

10) Kissing. Lots of it. On the lips. Soft, wet, hard, light, intense, whatever…just kiss and keep kissing like your clothes are crazy glued on and that’s the only way you can connect with your lover.

I hope this inspires a little more ‘you’ time my delicious darlings.

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Decolletage & Other Temptations

Free Pink Woman's Foot in Bubblebath Creative ...
Free Pink Woman’s Foot in Bubblebath Creative Commons (Photo credit: Pink Sherbet Photography)

My sweet darlings. It’s been too long. I’ve been busier than a bee in a clover field, but I have not forgotten you. NO! Of course not, how could I?

As last summer was as season of pure indulgence and delight, this summer has been equally intense with hard work and business.

With the onset of summer’s end and harvest (yes, yes, I’m afraid, I did see a leaf fall from a tree today), I have begun the work of nesting for the long, cold, winter months that are meant for snuggling and indulging in all pleasures of the flesh; Rich wine and food, long stretches of night with our lovers and languishing weekend afternoons reading, writing and socializing to our hearts’ content.

I was listening to some Rachmaninoff in the tubby-wubby last night, sunk up to my shoulders and sipping hot tea. I was thinking of someone special…a tall dark and handsome someone…or someone(s).

A someone who had in the past, perched on the floor and recited Neruda poetry and poured Cava for me as I indulged in a long soak. There was also a someone who always unwrapped a small, fresh bar of lemon soap and ran a bath for me while he prepared dinner (making sure to have a glass of beautiful Burgundy at the ready). The man who always knew what hors d’oeuvres and drink to order before I even got to the restaurant.

I also thought about the man who would take me to a pub every Friday night and how genuinely happy he was as we sipped our beer and took in the live music. There was also the fellow who bumped me around a perfect autumn in California wine country, in a jeep that had an endless stream of Van Morrison playing.

Ah yes, the memories came flooding back.

In my friskier days, I was a woman who knew exactly what her décolletage was capable of. I knew what temptation I could bait with a shy smile, a quick breath on the neck, an innocent dance or a look of surprise.

These days I know that the relationships I desire with the more handsome sex require no secret hooks, just sincerity, generosity and compassion.

After all ladies, these poor little men-folk think we’re all just fabulous as we are. For the handsome princes who are eager to please, so should we be. The rest can rot darlings.

As I mature, my intimate moments with men have taken on a flavor of deep friendship, mutual respect, and long-standing companionship. My lovers are my friends, and not a nemesis to be conquered or toyed with.

Don’t get me wrong friends, I still have my sly wit and twisted sense of humour. I’m not completely cured of an occasional indulgence of ego. Especially with the young ones. After all, they’re just so damn cute!

I’ve merely fallen in love, time and again, with the wonderful, lush machismo of my male compadres. The temptations are no longer superficial and fleeting. They are real, meaningful, and abundant with promise.

Wishing you the joy of lovers who are friends, lemon soap, and at least one fellow who knows how to order your favourite drink without having to ask.

 

 

 

 

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Tonight’s Your Lucky Night

English: Fireworks on the Fourth of July
English: Fireworks on the Fourth of July (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

You just don’t know it yet.

You see darling, it’s the classic duel in the battle of the sexes. The man hunts, and the woman plays the coquette, finally succumbing to the pleasures of the flesh.

Or not. Perhaps we know darlings, exactly how the evening will end long before you even start allowing yourself the hope of seeing our delicate, porcelain white flesh stripped bare within reach of your pulsating fingertips. Perhaps our appetites are whetted much longer than your own constant ache?

Perhaps, we’ve been daydreaming about it since our last text, telephone call, or first date. Maybe we’re even preparing for it as you get ready for your Sunday bedtime routine, none the wiser about our careful preparation. After all, it does take time for a woman to prepare for the decadent feast that is the carnal pleasure of a manly man like yourself.

We have to change the sheets, tidy, prepare some succulent aphrodisiac appetizers and chill the bubbly darling. We’ve had to make appointments to be waxed and polished in all of the secret places we hope you find with the tender caresses of your lips.

This takes militant, precision planning, and immaculate timing.

Even though you don’t think we know that you prime yourself to be less anxious for your evening performance, we know, because we do the very same thing.

So, while you’re tucking yourself in tonight, looking forward to your next rendezvous with a fabulously voluptuous lady-love, we’re preparing our little love trap so you will think that it was your idea all along.

When you wake up tomorrow, just think, tonight could be your lucky night. You just don’t know it yet.