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Holiday Gift Giving Guide for Guys

“Opportunity knocks for every man, but you have to give a woman a ring.”
~Mae West~

Gentlemen, I feel your pain. I really do. Nobody will know you’ve been here. Your gift-giving insecurity secret is safe with me.

After careful consultation with the wonderful world of women, I give you the benefit of this almost-evidence based research freely, and from my heart.

Go forth with #1 and a few of the other suggestions to take you from out in the cold and into the soft bosom of the fabulous woman who has captured your heart.

1) Do your shopping now. You know, just in case…November is statistically the most likely month for a break-up, so be wise and keep your woman OR keep the receipt. Better yet, make some single woman’s month and ask her out on a date to go skating or look at the Christmas lights.

2) Nice women don’t ask for specific gifts. If a woman has you going mad to find just the right thing and will have a fit if you don’t find it, do yourself a favour and dump her. Get a nice girl who cherishes time with you, not a material score.

3) Jewelry. You really can’t go wrong. By the way, watches are not jewelry. Pearls and opals are not appropriate for a man to give a woman. Pearls bring tears and opals crack. Jewelry is a symbol of your affection. Your affection should not make a woman cry, or waver/crack. Buy the precious stones just to be sure…rubies, sapphires, diamonds or emeralds.

4) The gift doesn’t matter as much as the moment. Plan time with your woman before she has to ask. That means more than any gift.

5) Wrap it yourself. We think it’s cute.

6) Buy a card. A sappy one. Better yet, write your own. Pour your heart out. We will read it and re-read it. It’s the gift that keeps on giving.

7) Consult her friends. We share a strong sisterhood. If you care enough to ‘get the nod’ from the girls, we know that not only do you care for us, but you’re brave. Courage is sexy.

8) Pay attention. Does she buy her girly gitch at a boutique or Sears? Where does she go to the spa? Buy her gift cards for HER favourite spots.

9) Lingerie. Don’t. Just don’t even try. Gift cards. Generous gift cards. Women who choose their lingerie (with your taste in mind of course) will feel sexy in something that they choose. Garters and stockings? Something in leather? Give us the card, and we will find something that makes us feel hot, and that my dear man-friend is guaranteed to make you hot over and over and over.

10) The twelve days of Christmas. We love romance. Do something wonderful every day. A note, a hidden gift, a special toast by the Christmas tree before bedtime, a list of things you want to do together, a list of the things that you adore, a sweet treat….you get the picture.

Remember. We love you to bits. You are our best friend and the man who makes us feel like we’re home when we’re in your arms. Diamonds? Maybe. Thoughtfulness – that’s the best gift of all.

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10 Signs You Need a New Guy for Christmas

christmas 2007
christmas 2007 (Photo credit: paparutzi)

I’ve spent Christmas’s with wonderful men, and Christmas’s with useless men ( ie more trouble than they’re worth).

After having been asked about difficult romantic relationships, and how to manage them during the holidays, I give you, my gentle readers, a comparative list from which to learn.

I have spent some time at Christmas with the most useless man on the planet in recent years. All was not lost however. This incredible experience has opened my world up to really great, yummy fellas. Better yet, it has given me priceless experience to share with  readers who have lost all faith that really great guys do exist.

Yes, there are a lot of wonderful men out there ladies!

1) Really great guys…fill your dance card in advance. They recognize the treasure you are, and make plans to romance you throughout the season of light.

Useless men…moan about how hard their life is and squeeze you in last-minute. (ie take your company, and precious time for granted)

2) Really great guys…give you a thoughtful gift. It doesn’t have to be expensive, or break the bank, but it’s something they know you like. This means they’ve listened to you.

Useless men…show up with something they’ve obviously bought because they got it at a discounted price, not because they thought you’d like it.

3) Really great guys…will come along for an evening of outdoor romance…skating, watching a night parade, walking the neighbourhood to look at Christmas lights.

Useless men…moan about how much effort it is to pull on their boots.

4) Really great guys…want to meet your friends and go to your holiday parties.

Useless men…act like they’re doing you a favour.

5) Really great guys…will tear pieces of tape off and stick a piece to every finger so you can just pull it off and continue the arduous job of gift wrapping.

Useless men… find passive aggressive ways to have you offer to wrap their stuff. Don’t fall for this trap.

6) Really great guys…have red and white flowers delivered to your office.

Useless men…whine like children about you liking flowers and the pressure they feel to send them.

7) Really great guys…put up a real Christmas tree in your home.

Useless men…dont’ care whether you have a tree or not, they ask you to help put up theirs.

8) Really great guys…feel manly when you warm your cold toes, nose, bum against their bodies.

Useless men…jump back and whimper like an over-tired 3-year-old.

9) Really great guys…pick out awesome, thoughtful, romantic cards…in November…so they get the best ones.

Useless men…pick the first one off the rack and scribble their name at the bottom.

10) Really great guys…want to know about your childhood Christmas traditions and why you celebrate the way you do.

Useless men…don’t care and don’t ask.

I hope this little comparative list helps out all of my wonderful women in training. Heck, I hope it helps you gorgeous guys out there too, but I know the men who read this are the really, great guys.

After all, we know you love us, and want to make us happy. We love you and want to make you happy too. I think there might be a little somethin’ hiding at the back under the tree for you…if you’re a really great guy.

 

 

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Terms of Not-So-Endearment

“An unfortunate thing about this world is that the good habits are much easier to give up than the bad ones.”
~ William Somerset Maugham

How much to reveal and how soon? Those are two really important questions to ask yourself when getting to know a new partner. 

Often times, it’s when we get a glimpse of someone’s ugly bits (I’ m not talking about what’s hiding inside your undies ladies and gents) that we head for the hills, or decide to love someone anyway.

We all have our war stories, but today I’m going to treat you to a glimpse of relationship battlefield shrapnel. Yes, some are tales of my own battles, some are tales that belong to my gorgeous gal-pals.

1)  Your partner sleeps with a black beauty mask and has a twice daily skin care regime.

2) Your soon-to-be hubby sleeps with earplugs and fuzzy socks. Every. Single. Night.

3) Your partner horks (please don’t make me write a definition for this) in the shower.

4) Your partner has a recurring fungal infection down there, and has to regularly use prescription ointment.

5) Your partner twirls their pubic hair into dreadlocks when they’re late with their manscaping regime.

6) Your partner regularly takes ‘nutritional’ supplements to boost his booster, and insists this is normal. It’s not normal.

7) Your partner begins to use the word ‘bloated’ frequently. No, no, no. This is what girl-talks and physicians are for.

8) Your forty-something  partner thinks having mumsie do his laundry is perfectly acceptable.

9) Your partner likes shoes. Large, red, high-heeled, shoes. On himself.

10) Your partner wears socks more than one day in a row. Ewww!

11) Your partner insists on wearing bikini undies because he honestly thinks they turn you on and make his junk look bigger.

12) Your partner has a latex allergy that causes swelling. I have yet to decide if this is a bad thing.

Are any of these make-it-or-break-it quirks for you?