60 Minutes Life · Art of LIving · Christmas · Christmas Letters · Christmas Lists · Christmas Marketing · Christmas Toronto Things to Do · columns Dating Advice · dating · Dating Advice · Dating Advice for Men · Dating Advice for Women · Dating Advive · Dating Love · Dating Over 40 · Falling In Love · Fearless Living · Friends · Friendship · Friendships · Graceful Living · Gracious Living · Healthy Living · Holidays · Life · Life at Starbucks · Life Lessons · Living · Love · Love Letters · Lovers · Mature Dating · Meaning of Christmas · Meaning of Life · Men's Sexuality · on-line dating · Romance · Romance Dating · Sexuality · The Art of Living · Uncategorized · Whole Living

Starting Fresh at Christmas: Relationship Advice

kissingmeistletoeThis afternoon I had a lovely surprise. A rather handsome man whom I’ve known since once-upon-a-time popped in to say hello at the little coffee shop where I was writing .

I wanted to give him a long, slow, deep, wet kiss right there on the spot.

I wanted to tell him that planning to be disappointed during one of the most magical and romantic times of year was a really stupid thing to do.

I wanted to make wild, dirty, love to him underneath his yet-to-be erected Christmas tree.  It was all I could do not to give in to my desire to erect things….

But that wouldn’t do.

No. I’ll tell you why. He’s torturing himself with the slow and painful ending of a bad relationship.

We’ve all done it. We’ve all put ourselves through the agony because we’re afraid of pulling the pin. Like much of life, we’re afraid of endings when we don’t know for sure what comes next.

While deployed in the trenches of love, I learned  that swift and complete is the only way to end something that’s dying a painful death.  I still kinda suck at it though.

Anyway, Mr. Slice-of-juicy-man-steak and I had a little chat. I rambled as I often do when I can’t focus and I’m visualizing my sweater being ripped off, breasts heaving, and tumbling naked into a candlelit bed. But I digress….

The crux of his matter is hinging on a do-or-die-show-up-or-no-show performance on Christmas day.

For everyone out there in relationship purgatory, please consider another perspective.

Why hang another expectation on an otherwise emotionally stretched holiday? It is THE holiday of the year. It’s a time to gather together with  the people we love, and share our lives.

Why not count-down to something a little more magical and heart-warming than, ‘if he/she doesn’t do this’, I’m ending it?

Why not shift the negative, I-dont’-want-to-feel-unloved-and-miserable, to an, I-can’t-wait-to-be-happy-focus?

Maybe I see the world differently because I’m surrounded by loss; people who didn’t get a chance to do the things they wanted to, or say the things they wanted to say.

The man who sat beside me this afternoon has a strong, protective side that I admire and respect. He still has a playful side that I miss seeing, and that I’d love to spend time with.

For everyone out there with a partner who doesn’t treat you like you are amazing,  who does not choose to adore you every day, who doesn’t make you laugh until you’re breathless, I beseech you to stop wasting everyone’s time.

If my sexy, juicy, delightfully sensual friend is out there reading this, know that I hope to see you soon. This time at home, laughing, with a little too much champagne, and a giant heap of  clothing on the floor.

There is mistletoe hanging at my door just waiting to fulfill it’s destiny.

Andshelaughs · Buddhism · Christianity · Christmas · Creative Writing · Creativity · Economics · Entertainment · Faith · Feminism · Girl Stuff · Health · Inspiration · Lean In · Life · Living · Meaning of Life · Men's Issues · Motivation · Opinion · Perspective · Philosophy · Professional Women · Relationships · Religion · Religious Studies · Sexuality · Singles · Spirituality · Uncategorized · Women's Issues · Working Women · Writing

I Believe: Christmas Miracles

"Believe in love. Believe in magic. Hell, believe in Santa Claus. Believe in others. Believe in yourself. Believe in your dreams. If you don't, who will?" ~Jon Bon Jovi~
“Believe in love. Believe in magic. Hell, believe in Santa Claus. Believe in others. Believe in yourself. Believe in your dreams. If you don’t, who will?”
~Jon Bon Jovi~

For weeks I have been waking up, and saying a little prayer to the universe before I step out of bed; Please give me the strength to get through this day and the grace to find beauty in it.

This morning I had a phone call from a friend whom I’ve lost touch with. We had a difficult conversation earlier this year which ended, badly?

I’m not sure if it ended badly, or just ended where it needed to end, so I left it alone and thought that time, like it always had, would lend some clarity

…but let there be spaces in your togetherness and let the winds of the heavens dance between you…

~Kalil Gibran~

After reaching out with a Christmas card (yes, I still send them), I had a phone call from my friend. Maybe that was a Christmas miracle? I can’t help but think so. He left a beautiful message and caught me up on the important things including his health, book, and new love in his life. I was overjoyed that perhaps the rickety bridge to our friendship was still in tact.

I’ve had a few of those calls this year, from people who have drifted from my life just due to the demands of daily life with family and career. I’m so thankful for this time of year when something more powerful than the rat-race pulls us together again.

The past two years have been difficult. This one has been difficult in a good way. Busy in a good way, and at the same time exhausting and an emotional marathon of isolation.   I’m tired of worrying about how we’ll survive the next day, and the one after that. I’m tired of being tired.

So after a day of spoiling myself and hoping that my visit to the Alex Colville exhibit,my favourite  shop, Wonderworks, and our favourite bakery, Forno Cultura, I went to bed in full surrender. My only request was that whatever happened next, ‘be gentle with me’.

This morning I woke up in the quiet of my room. I could tell that the day was going to be another grey, drizzly day, and already I was thinking ahead to the demands of the week and worrying about how I would make it all happen. “Magic,” I thought to myself and snickered a bit.

But that’s what this season is about isn’t it? Magic.  We’re almost smack-dab in the middle of the darkest days of the year. All of the seeds we have planted are working furiously to take root and get ready to blossom, making beauty appear like magic from the fallow darkness.

Mystery. Magic. The magic of Christmas. A Christmas miracle. Hmmm?

So my daily prayer to the universe changed this morning; Please give me the strength to get through the day and the grace to find beauty in it. Please send me a Christmas miracle…

…and then for good measure I added, “…that I can recognize and am not afraid to accept.”

I rolled out from under my fluffy white duvet and let my feet hit the floor.

Any time now universe, any time…

 

 

Christmas · Entertaining · Girl Stuff · Health · Humor · Humour · Life · Men's Issues · Relationships · Singles · Uncategorized

Secret Santa For Your Sweetheart

English: Danboard holding a Christmas gift.
English: Danboard holding a Christmas gift. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

My shopping is finished before mid-November. My wrapping is complete within a week of putting up my tree (also in November), and my schedule is chock-a-block with Christmas get-togethers by the time the calendar is turned to the month of December.

And then I think of just one more gift. Just one more person who could use a little treat.

That one more person is often the current apple of my very hard to catch beautiful blue eye.

First there is the question of whether to buy a gift at all.

Should I? Shouldn’t I? What if they get all awkward and all, “I forgot your gift at home,” or, well, just weird.

But what if they don’t? What if they genuinely love the idea that you thought enough of them to offer them something at Christmas time?

What if, whether or not they turn out to be the love of your life or not, you end up brightening up someone’s life during the season of mystery, light and goodwill. Either way, going out on the gift-giving limb is win-win, situation.

Are you afraid of rejection or having your pride hurt? Sissy. If, at this stage we don’t go after what we want, we’ll be lonely old pitiful souls.

So, I have decided that this year, I will be buying the man who puts a twinkle in my eye and a little skip in  my middle-aged step a small gift to let him  know that he is in my heart.

For the ladies and gentleman out there who aren’t ready to hop into the sack, profess their undying love, nor are ready to give up getting to know someone special, I offer you a list of things you may wish to offer as a small token of your affection;

1) A beautiful pair of gloves or mittens with a little note..think something like, ” Wishing you a warm and cozy holiday,” for the more bold, you may like to try, “These are to keep your strong, capable hands warm so that you can warm me up later tonight.”

2) Cologne/Perfume; a small bottle. Perhaps offer to dab a little bit behind their ear and then take a slow breath next to their skin to inhale the scent. For the more bold lovers out there, buy yourself a wonderful new scent, dab a bit on your décolletage, direct their schnoz to your perfumed fleshy heaven and ask them if they like it.

3) Homemade baking. We’ve all heard that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, but women also appreciate a man who knows how to stir up something sweet.

4) An ornament. Be prepared to explain why it’s special and why you chose it for your sweetheart.

5) Music. Let them know which song reminds you of them and why.

6) Take them out for a walk or a movie or a quaint cup of coffee. Time, after all is a wonderful gift, and one that everyone appreciates.

7) A wine, scotch, bourbon or beer tasting. Go out and have some fun. Let them know that you know what they like, and you want them to  enjoy themselves.

8) A cozy blanket. Again, I suggest a note for the meek, ” Wishing you a warm and cozy Christmas.” For the less meek, “Hoping we can get into some trouble under the covers.”

9) An advent calendar with notes tucked inside. For the meek, include something pithy, generic and inspirational from tumbler, etc. For the less meek, leave a daily hint as to where to find you under the mistletoe on a certain date, at an exact time – clothing optional.

10) Give them a calendar for the new year with notes and dates you’ll spend together, written throughout the months of the year.

Whatever you decide to do, just DO something.

Christmas · Creative Writing · Entertaining · Entertainment · Girl Stuff · Life · Men's Issues · Music · Relationships · Sexuality · Singles · Women's Issues

Old Flames of Christmas Past

fire wine
fire wine (Photo credit: Dean McCoy Photography)

During the holidays, couples look cozier, happier, and like the enduring icons of Hallmark holidays.

Whether single or cuffed up for the season, it’s rare the adult who does not reflect on Christmas’s past and the loves of our life who have become unforgettable.

This post is for anyone feeling nostalgic for friendships and/or lovers of the past.  Perhaps you’re even flirting with re-igniting an old flame?

I have been fortunate enough to have loved men who offered me deep and enduring friendship, sincere understanding, have bared the vulnerability of the soul, and the silliness of the human spirit.

In the quiet hours I think of you; when the flames of the fire are dying and the tree lights are the only thing that break the dark silence of a home tucked in for the night.

Is my tall dark and handsome friend someone who will stick around for a while? Become an even more, dear friend? Maybe even one of those rare lovers who stand the test of time, and soothe my soul? Is one of my very best friends someone I will wonder, ‘what if’ about? Time will tell…

For the ladies and gentlemen out there tonight who have loved, lost, and found the courage to love again….

Christmas · Entertaining · Humor · Humour · Life · Men's Issues · Music · Recipes · Relationships · Sexuality · Singles · Uncategorized · Women's Issues

Christmas Tipple: The Snug Sailor

Another edition of ‘Christmas in the Kitchen’….

warming up
warming up (Photo credit: a song under the sugar sugar)

….or perhaps I should say, Christmas in the Liquor Cabinet.

I’ve had a few inquiries about the recipe I referred to in my post THE CYNICAL ELF about this recipe, so I am graciously passing it along. My suggestion is to just be honest with yourself, and quadruple the recipe. After all, it’s unsafe to operate a stove after you’ve had a drink or two.

 The Snug Sailor

Ingredients

1 tbsp five-spice powder

2 tbsp granulated sugar

1 oz Spiced Rum

2 oz Crabbies Ginger Beer

1 oz 35% Cream

1 oz 2% Milk

2 oz dulce de leche

1/2 lemon (zest & juice)

nutmeg for garnish

Method

Stir five spice together with sugar

Rim a mug with the spice & sugar mixture

Add remaining ingredients to a pot and heat over medium heat

Whisk constantly until bubbling.

Serve in the mug rimmed with spiced sugar

Please enjoy responsibly in the cozy embrace of your rugged man-of-winter by the lights of the Christmas tree, or wrapped up fireside after a long session of merry-making.

Don’t drink and drive. Drink and make love. Happy holidays…..

Entertainment · Girl Stuff · Life · Men's Issues · Relationships · Singles · Women's Issues

10 Signs You Need a New Guy for Christmas

christmas 2007
christmas 2007 (Photo credit: paparutzi)

I’ve spent Christmas’s with wonderful men, and Christmas’s with useless men ( ie more trouble than they’re worth).

After having been asked about difficult romantic relationships, and how to manage them during the holidays, I give you, my gentle readers, a comparative list from which to learn.

I have spent some time at Christmas with the most useless man on the planet in recent years. All was not lost however. This incredible experience has opened my world up to really great, yummy fellas. Better yet, it has given me priceless experience to share with  readers who have lost all faith that really great guys do exist.

Yes, there are a lot of wonderful men out there ladies!

1) Really great guys…fill your dance card in advance. They recognize the treasure you are, and make plans to romance you throughout the season of light.

Useless men…moan about how hard their life is and squeeze you in last-minute. (ie take your company, and precious time for granted)

2) Really great guys…give you a thoughtful gift. It doesn’t have to be expensive, or break the bank, but it’s something they know you like. This means they’ve listened to you.

Useless men…show up with something they’ve obviously bought because they got it at a discounted price, not because they thought you’d like it.

3) Really great guys…will come along for an evening of outdoor romance…skating, watching a night parade, walking the neighbourhood to look at Christmas lights.

Useless men…moan about how much effort it is to pull on their boots.

4) Really great guys…want to meet your friends and go to your holiday parties.

Useless men…act like they’re doing you a favour.

5) Really great guys…will tear pieces of tape off and stick a piece to every finger so you can just pull it off and continue the arduous job of gift wrapping.

Useless men… find passive aggressive ways to have you offer to wrap their stuff. Don’t fall for this trap.

6) Really great guys…have red and white flowers delivered to your office.

Useless men…whine like children about you liking flowers and the pressure they feel to send them.

7) Really great guys…put up a real Christmas tree in your home.

Useless men…dont’ care whether you have a tree or not, they ask you to help put up theirs.

8) Really great guys…feel manly when you warm your cold toes, nose, bum against their bodies.

Useless men…jump back and whimper like an over-tired 3-year-old.

9) Really great guys…pick out awesome, thoughtful, romantic cards…in November…so they get the best ones.

Useless men…pick the first one off the rack and scribble their name at the bottom.

10) Really great guys…want to know about your childhood Christmas traditions and why you celebrate the way you do.

Useless men…don’t care and don’t ask.

I hope this little comparative list helps out all of my wonderful women in training. Heck, I hope it helps you gorgeous guys out there too, but I know the men who read this are the really, great guys.

After all, we know you love us, and want to make us happy. We love you and want to make you happy too. I think there might be a little somethin’ hiding at the back under the tree for you…if you’re a really great guy.