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Sunday Survey; Just Kidding

sidewalk cynicPleased with myself at having honoured my need for rest, I stretched out gloriously long on the chesterfield, with book in hand.

Ah yes, this was life at it’s finest; nothing to do, nowhere to go, sun shining and breeze blowing through my open patio door.

But not so.

Before I even had a chance to raise my book to read, I had a man walk across the shared lawn, over my patio stones, and right up to my screen door. I watched as he cupped his hands to his eyes, and peered through.

“Hello,” the moron said. “I’d like to talk to you about your internet service….”

I’d like you to fuck off and stop looking through my window. That’s ok darlings, I only thought it, I didn’t say it out loud.

“No thank-you.” I said.

“Do you have internet service?”

I have an Irish temper, and an iron skillet that I’d like to show you. Again, I kept my thoughts to myself, and didn’t move from my  relaxed looking position on the couch. I’m deceptively nimble for a big chick. I can pounce from prone to standing in 2.5 seconds flat.

Instead, I said, again, “No thank-you.” My reasoning was, I was in such a blissful state of yo that I just didn’t want to get myself worked up.  After another annoying exchange about no soliciting, Mr. Creepy-Bell-Canada-Look-Through-Your-Window-Guy-On-Commission moved along, and I called security.

Don’t try to tell me he wasn’t a Bell representative either you greedy monopoly-creating-shits. He was wearing a Bell shirt, had on the dorky company lanyard and a clipboard in hand. He could just as easily have been Rogers bred. Trust me, this guy wasn’t scouting for future break-ins, he was just trying to feed his kids.

I don’t have such a problem with the weirdo at my window as I do the capitalistic culture which created the poor guy. Every chooch behind a counter has a pen and a schpeel about a survey. Every time I call customer service for anything, I get an email or another call with a survey.

Enough bureaucratic  red-tape already! This is not consumer protection, it’s a make work project for some asshole in a suit who, I’ll bet my socks, makes way too much money.

Quit wasting my time, precious resources and paying people shitty commission-based, or total-commission salaries, and get the hell off my patio on Saturday afternoon! Stop calling my phone, cluttering my inbox and having your paid-to-the-poverty-line employees cling to my screen door.

If you want honest feedback, we don’t give a shit about your surveys. Just post your overly bureaucratic complaint policy on your website and leave us alone.

Our government is a sell-out and a joke. Our citizens are apathetic, and whiny. Our health care system is a system without care for health, only numbers. Yet, this is one of the best countries in the world to live in. That’s heartbreaking.

When people are desperate enough to risk their dignity for their jobs, it’s time to speak up and stop the madness. Our country is going to hell, one contract-no-benefits and commission paid employee at a time.

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Proud to Be Canadian

English: Canadian Flag
English: Canadian Flag (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

This week I have been very distraught darlings, very distraught. It’s enough to change a girl’s complexion and drive her to drink. My, my, my!

What on earth could upset a cool, calm, collected, well-spoken woman like me? Well, darlings, it’s all this nonsense about our Canadian criminal code not being a holy book, restauranteurs tweeting racial slurs, and a young black girl writing about why non-whites don’t care  about the Boston marathon bombing.

I’m going to make this one quick and dirty for a number of reasons. First and foremost, I’m entertaining a much younger man tonight, and I have to make sure my mood and manners are in check for such a young dollop of fresh- man-pudding. Second of all, I think most of my readers know exactly where I’m coming from and don’t need a lecture, but rather a few smiles and nods.

You may not know that I live in one of Canada’s most culturally diverse regions. When I go out for dinner, I can’t swing a cat without hitting a restaurant that doesn’t serve up something delicious from other parts of the world. As a white, English-speaking person, I am also a minority.

Of late, I have been exposed to different religious and cultural groups trying to change our Canadian political landscape to represent the one from which they fled….to Canada. Think about that.  Sounds like a great idea to me, turning the land you fled to into one you will need to flee from again. Perfect.

Second of all, what the hell are we doing to attract immigrants in Canada? I have had the privilege of meeting professionals from around the world. Doctors, Engineers, Lawyers. You know where I’ve met them? At the gas station, driving cabs, volunteering and getting paid squat, so that they can gain ‘Canadian’ experience.

Here’s a thought. How about in order to land in the country, we make sure their qualifications are rip-ready-to-go, and let them begin achieving their professional dreams as soon as they set foot on Canadian soil? I’m sure this would stunt the impact of adjusting, decrease the incidence of depression, drug and alcohol abuse, domestic violence and other not so lovely symptoms of being mislead into a life of menial labour and poverty. Just sayin’.

Our country was built on SECULAR politics. Our laws are SECULAR laws. Just FYI, this allows everyone the right to a spirituality and religion that satisfies their own human spirit.  Making our laws religious based will throw us into a turbulent, emotional sess pool of war and violence. Again, why come here if you just want to make it like the place you felt you couldn’t thrive?

To the young girl who calls the marathon a ‘white’ sport, you should check the international attendance record. Who won this year? Lelisa Desisa, a black man from Ethiopia. I would encourage this writer to pay attention to the facts. The marathon is a sport that is dominated by…drum roll please…blacks.  More importantly, it is an event that has always crossed cultural, religious and political boundaries to celebrate human strength and, peace.

For the white, bleeding heart readers who read that piece and feel guilty. Give me a break! Think about what you read for heaven’s sake darlings. Reading does not make you intelligent, questioning what you read does.

To the Muslim extremist quoted as saying our Canadian Criminal Code is not a holy book. Your’re right. Thanks be to whomever you send your prayers. It’s  the law, and as poorly interpreted as it can sometimes be,  it protects us all.

My message here is for all of us to pull our heads out of the politically correct pie-in-the-Canadian-sky. Fix our immigration problems. We have lots of folks happy to have any job, let alone flooding our cities with foreign trained professionals who have their hands tied to do any meaningful work related to their profession.

For those who think it’s ok to hate anyone, white, black, brown, yellow, red, pink, slightly off-beige, or any other shade of the racial rainbow, you’re idiots.

This may sound crudely simple, but  here’s my ANDSHELAUGHS advice; be kind to one another.