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Christmas Is:One Part of a Busy Life

Champagne TowerMy fiance was not prepared for this. After putting a two-and-a-half carat ring on my finger and whisking me away on a romantic vacation, he had the strange idea that I’d just keep staring at the ring, and not dotting the I’s and crossing the T’s of venue and vendor contracts.

It’s just my nature.

We’ve both been drinking more.  In fact, I’m currently out of red wine and praying that when he rolls in from the gym that he has a ginormous brown bag under his arm disguising a big, juicy bottle or two from California. Preferably a gulpable blend of cab, shiraz, and maybe a splash of merlot. I’m not fussy, but I am a lush.

My eyes are strained from computer use. Pinterest and custom stationary sites have me stuck to my laptop.  My sweetie is looking for his cheque book to avoid ridiculous credit card fees. My son’s girlfriend who is a touch more au courant than this old gal has been indispensable when it comes to sourcing make-up artists, photographers and dresses. She’s humouring me, and winning a crazy amount of mom-points.

I’m not sure she was counting on an almost-in-law who had a penchant for sequins, pearls and ostrich feathers though.  I’m sure she cringes at the dresses I send to her, hoping she might wiggle into one and hop on the bandwagon of glitter and shimmy.

On top of wanting to have all the big items booked for the big day, I have two major holidays coming up before Christmas, and a major surgery to get through. All of this in less than two months.

He’ll be on wine duty, so long as I take care of all of the other details. And that makes the relationship work.

I spent the entire day fussing over wedding details while baking Christmas treats to take to our Christmas at the Cottage family getaway.  And then my sweetie texted requesting our Christmas in New York Extravaganza itinerary.

I’m a planner by nature. As a funeral director, I’m basically an event planner on a turbo-charged schedule who can pass top level anatomical dissection, pathology, microbiology, and chemistry while wearing two-inch heals, an ugly uniform and an empathetic smile.

rolfs

As the full time vacation planner in the relationship, I have our itineraries researched and down to the nearest metro stop, secluded cenote, and best time not to be in a line-up for too long. I lassoed reservations in September for hard to get into NYC restaurants during the Christmas season, tickets to the Fort Worth Rodeo between football games, and a first day in France schedule that brought my sweetie up from our first metro stop to the best view in the city.  I plan shit. That’s what I do.

Weddings on the other hand aren’t something I’m too familiar with.  I’ve never been a wedding person. I’ve alway been a party-girl though, so I’m taking that approach.  And fabulous parties take planning.

From the language on the invitation to the details of decor, every element of a great party has to be dazzling. It has to be dedicated to a theme, delicious, boozy, artistically lit, most of all, welcoming for everyone. If all else fails, we’re starting with champagne reception and having an open bar…how bad can it be?

In the mean time, there are gifts to wrap, passports to find, bags to pack, unpack, and pack again, treats to bake, and weight to lose. Seriously.

If, like me, you have a lot on your plate this year during the holidays, I wish you some quiet moments to appreciate everything that’s good in your life.

 

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Setting Yourself on Cruise Control

If you happen to be an adult woman with a vacant stare and princess-entitlement mentality, this post won’t make sense to you. If you are an adult man who unconsciously stands two inches closer to someone when speaking to try and elevate your power, you’re outta luck. If you think the world owes you something because you’re experiencing some slight hardship, please, for the love of all that’s holy, stop whining, raising your voice and acting like a toddler to get your way. You’re just being an asshole and making life miserable for the people around you. We won’t be treated with disrespect because you have no respect for yourself. 

zen-quotes-when-you-realize-nothing-is-lacking-the-whole-world-belongs-to-you-lao-tzu-wisdom-quotes

I think it finally happened. I think I’ve finally snapped.

And it happened in a way that I could never imagined. It was a gentle uncoiling, a beautiful unravelling, and a metaphorical metamorphosis. It was a gentle cracking and falling away of a chrysalis of habit, and spiritual spreading of my wings.

It was the ultimate in letting go. The not-giving-a-shit without having to cuss. In essence, it was a new levelling-up of realizing my own power. It felt like I had put my own heart-rate and reactions on cruise control, floating above the  mad demands that were crushing me from the outside.

With people asking me every time I turned around if I was, ‘ok’, I could actually answer with a smile and shifu-like chuckle, that yes, indeed, I was just fine. Wonderful actually. Free.

After years of buddhist training from monastics, working in crisis and trauma situations, and general life experience, I still have found myself letting the actions of selfish, spoiled, and general fuck-wits ruin my day. Or at least distract me from all of the beauty of my day.

I’d carry their nastiness with me, and mull it over, my mind would jump back to conversations and situations without me realizing how much energy I was taking away from my very happy self.

This was all until I snapped, and something came over me. It really felt like I had the peddle to the floor, let off it for a bit, hit cruise, and just checked in to a mode of complete zen. It was flipping amazing.

After being sworn at, yelled at, sitting through difficult situations, and working in a high volume, high-demand atmosphere for days, I realized that I really don’t have to deal with it. Seriously. I’m not independently wealthy. I don’t have the resources to walk through my place of work with my middle finger raised or pass by jerks and regale them with a full moon of my fat white ass, but I do have enough self respect to simply and calmly walk away from abusive people. And in Canada, they can’t fire you for that.

So I hereby cling (because I’m human after all) to my cruise control mode of being. Calmly floating above the bullshit of other people’s creation, and enjoying all of the positive things in my life. J

Just try to put it on cruise, and float above it my darling. Life really is that simple.

 

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It Seemed Like a Good Idea at The Time

tired-womanYou know what I’m talking about don’t you?

Most of my biting-off-more-than-I-can-chew moments come to me after I’ve been relaxing for a while and feel like I have energy to do something extra. Or after a couple of glasses of wine.

What the hell was I thinking? Trying to clean up and clear out with Christmas coming?

I have giant box filled with miniature Christmas village tid-bits beside the couch, and am still finding leftover Hallowe’en confetti every time I go into my bathroom. As much as I love the decorations and lights of Christmas, I’m relieved to have it all come down and the house back in order as soon as possible.

Being festive from Thanksgiving through the new year takes some work. I’ve discovered my pattern though. I get inspired when I feel rested (which is rare), and commit to the projects after work, or on days off, which leaves little time for the stuff that makes my spirit let out a big sigh of relief.

Rounding up ingredients for a new recipe to bake at the end of a long day seemed like a grand idea, you know, something to look forward to. Until the cookies stuck to the pan and the recipe did not turn out like the cute little photo on Pinterest.

During  quite time at work, coming up a big menu to cook on my day off brought me joy. The thought of having the ones I love gathered around the table helped get me through the long 13+ hour day. But a nap is really nice too after long shifts at work and days off spent working around the house.

But declutter I must. Decorate and cook I must. Must? Should? Have to? Yah, kinda sorta. You catch my drift. There’s always that one person in the house who carries the weight of injecting joy into the seasons. That person is me.

Everything festive seems like a good idea at the time, until effort is required. And then it sucks. And then it’s beautiful. At the end of the day the effort it takes to decorate brings me joy. I love nothing more than turning the lights off before bedtime and sitting quietly in the glow of the Christmas tree lights.

I love having a fire burning on cold, wet, rainy and snowy days.

I love having people gathered at my table; the conversation, sense of family, and knowledge that everyone there feels loved.

But in order to do all of these things, I know I need to energize.I must also not forget to spend time alone writing, and playing my ukulele and remembering to enjoy the slowing-down-moments-of -time to myself with nothing on the agenda but whatever the heck I want.

Life moves fast. Be sure to step away for a little while every day to do what makes your spirit soar.

After that, you can curse the Pinterest gods, the untested Facebook recipes, and the tangled Christmas lights that you can’t seem to coax into something beautiful.

 

 

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Kindness – It Matters the Most

kindnessKindness matters.

It really does.

I was reminded of that today as someone extended gracious behavior toward me.

Regardless of how old we get, how long we’ve lived somewhere, worked somewhere, or think we’re familiar with something, we always need help from others. Always.

We also always have a lot going on in our own lives. Family, friendships, hobbies, jobs, relationships, and the battle we wage in our own heads about our own baggage, every, single, day.

Today I showed up in a vulnerable situation and was met with grace and kindness.

If you remember to do one thing today, let it be this; be kind. Even if you can only start with being kind to yourself.

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All The Heaven We’ve Got…

It’s that time. Time to shed the mid-work-week skin, and slide into our own little piece of heaven. Fill your cup darlings. Sit back, relax, close your eyes…”This is all the heaven we’ve got, right here where we are. In our Shangri-La.”