I have thick thighs and thin patience…
What I’m finding particularly interesting at this middle-age-stage of femininity is how we continue to be coerced into believing that women exist in a big vat of lack.
It’s wearing my patience thin.
As a child, I was born into a generation who taught little girls to be quiet, and for-God’s-sake-don’t-pull-at-your-leotards-like-that. As a teen, I was fed a diet of magazines with super-thin-models and how-to-keep-a-man-satisfied headlines.
In my twenties and thirties, it was about having it all; relationships, career, children, bff-friendships over expensive, boozy, brunches, and more diets and fitness routines. Raise your hand if you don’t have time to do your hair after a lunch-hour work out.
Now I’m in my forties, and the thing to be doing is redefining yourself. It all sounds great; it’s a powerful message to send that in our 40’s we have so much lost potential. Fuck off with that already. Quit telling us that more is better. This is a myth perpetuating a generation of women who feel not good enough.
Quit telling us that existing in this world as a female requires more. All while men are getting cozy in their careers, maxing out their earning potential (still on average 13.3% more than a woman’s), and being patted on the back about their wonderful achievements.
Women are being fed a big ol’spoonful of ‘you-can-do-better’.
We are in crisis because we’re being told we should be more.
We are in crisis because we bear the responsibility of reproduction after spending our most fertile years striving for a career. We have fewer economic opportunities, and the social expectation of being caregivers to parents and children while working at often more than one job to try to ensure we can retire before we die of exhaustion. A male’s shrivelling manhood is being exalted while we’re being told we’re not good enough. No wonder our vaginas dry out and shrivel up.
If you’re strong enough to be a woman, you’re strong enough to no.
‘No’, will immediately toss you into the pile of ‘nasty’ women who quietly, but powerfully carry on as they damn well please. Everyone with any honesty will tell you that women over 40 lose a significant amount of social currency. While men start getting rejected from potential employment in their late 50’s, women experience it a decade earlier. Saying no to unreasonable demands and less than you’re worth claims power. It claims the respect you deserve for doing most of the emotional work within the household, for getting up and going to your job every day so you can put food on the table, even though it’s not sexy and even claims some time to rest.
The myth tells us all that we must be working at something else in order to justify a ‘no’. You do not. You just have to do you. And you is likely exhausted.
We’re enough as we are. We do not need to strip our souls bare and redefine ourselves. We do not need to buy into this myth just because the privileged class thinks it’s cool to be in crisis.
In my world, it’s cool to be cool. It’s cool to be ok with being all that you are.
You lack nothing. Be proud of who you are.