Advice · Advice for Writers · Andshelaughs · andshelaughs writing · Art · Art of LIving · Artists · Canadian Writers · Coffee Shops · Coffee Talk · Creative Writing · Fearless Living · Graceful Living · Gracious Living · Healthy Living · Joyful Living · Life at Starbucks · Living · Middle Age · Midlife · Mindful Living · Motivation Advice · Opinion · Poets · Professional Writers · Simple Living · Social Commentary · Society · Songwriters · Spiritual Living · Starbucks · Starbucks Canada · The Art of · The Art of Living · Travel Writers · Uncategorized · Whole Living · Writers · Writing · Writing Inspiration · writing prompts

When the Community Board is Empty

Most of you know that I have recently moved. I live in a very strange community that has come to make me appreciate the effects of foreign property investment on our ‘communities’.  In effect, all of the empty grand homes in our neighbourhood  are mostly empty, with lights on timers, regular professional landscaping, and someone who clears the local newspaper and flyer delivery from their front porch. There is no neighbourhood here, only bank accounts in the form of houses.

It robs us of community. It robs us of mom and pop shops able to keep their doors open to provide goods and services for the neighbourhood.

Yesterday I popped in to a local  Starbucks for a delightfully refreshing iced drink, and while I was waiting for my sweetie’s pour-over, I turn to the community board as I’m often want to do.

This is what I saw;

A picture is worth a thousand words. Nothing. There is regularly nothing related to community posted on this board. Despite there being a steady stream of people in line to buy their caffeinated bevvies at all hours through the weekdays and on the weekends, there is little if any sense of community.

I’m a writer, and admittedly, I’ve spent way too much time in coffee shops picking away at my keyboard, and I’ve spent way too much money on coffee. I have however honed a keen sense of place while I’m out and about mooching free office space.

I have never (not even once) settled into this location for my hour long writing sessions, arranged for a meeting with friends, or lingered any longer than it takes to make my Sunday-morning-one-bag-in-one-bag-out herbal tea.

This weekend in Toronto while getting settled in to a workshop, I was recommended to a coffee shop just down the street from where we were gathering. And this is what their community board looked like;

 

img_1025
Mallo – Located at 785 Bathurst Street. Worth becoming a regular meet-up spot. Definitely make time to try their absolutely delish menu.

I stopped, took off my coat, enjoyed a cup of tea, and ordered one to go. The staff were so friendly, and vibe was so great, that I came back again after my workshop and tried their menu with a pal who was in the neighbourhood. $70.00 later I felt like I had a new place to add to my favourites. Lesson learned; a sense of community translates to profit.

Earlier this week, I was back in my old stomping grounds at my favourite Starbucks in Mississauga, and their community board looked like this;

community board

 

When your community boards are empty at informal meeting spaces like coffee shops, there is a fundamental problem within the local community. There is a disconnect.  People go out to write, to gather, and to get their over-priced half-caf-low-fat-made-exclusively-for-me beverages because they are craving connection as much as they are craving sugar and caffeine.

When your community board is empty, I challenge you to go out and find one that is overflowing with posters for yoga in the park,  poetry readings, amateur nights at the local coffee house. I guarantee you’ll be a happier, healthier person.

 

Advertisements
Advice · Advice for Men · Advice for Women · Advice for Writers · Andshelaughs · Art of LIving · Business Advice · Career Advice · Columns Relationship Advice · Fearless Living · Girl Stuff · Graceful Living · Gracious Living · Guy Stuff · Health · Healthy Living · Joyful Living · Life · Life Lessons · Lifestyle · Living · Meaning of Life · Men's Health · Mental Health · Midlife · Mindful Living · Motivation Advice · Perspective · Relationship Advice · Simple Living · Spiritual Living · The Art of Living · Uncategorized · Whole Living · women · Women's Issues · Working Women

Do Unto Yourself

nap hard

Adulting can be hard, and I do believe that our lifestyle is completely unnatural and contradictory to living in a state of wellness. I do believe that’s why we discovered psychedelic drugs, have legalized cannabis and have access to an encyclopedic variety of alcoholic beverages.  A Nobel prize worthy thought? Not likely, but true nonetheless.

“Sweetheart, why don’t you just curl up and go take a nap?”

Isn’t that what we all wish someone would say once in a while? I fantasize about being  tucked  in nicely with a cozy blankie and then waking up to a freshly steeped cup of tea. Maybe a light back scratch for good measure.

I mean, wouldn’t it be nice if you went to work and your boss said, ” You know, you work hard here, looks like you could use a nice rest. Go take a break in that quiet room there, and I’ll wake you up when it’s time to clock out.”

Or perhaps it’s a coach you might like to take some pity on you during your in-season practice. “Hey ____________ (insert last name here), go get yourself one of those blankets I brought in and show me how hard you can nap.”

But no one does that do they?

for them

Nope. Not unless you’re fortunate enough to go back home to your mom or grandmother and be spoiled for a day or two.  Most of us of a certain age no longer have that luxury. We are the moms and grandmas.

Note to self: buy more wine.

My advice to you is to tuck yourself in; take a nap, take a day off, re-jig your life so that you have regular and consistent opportunities to escape and focus on yourself for an hour or two. Whether it’s seeking comfort in a spiritual community, practicing yoga, going to the gym, or escaping to a coffee shop to read the newspaper on Saturday morning. Choose your nap-from-the-grind style and commit to it.

You are your own boss, coach and primo nurturer – act like it.

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

The golden rule applies to yourself as well…do unto yourself as you wish others would do unto you. Now go rest!

 

Advice for Men · Advice for Women · Advice for Writers · Art of LIving · Buddhist Writers · Canadian Poets · Canadian Writers · Creative Life · Dating Advice for Women · Entertainment · Fearless Living · Feminism · Feminist Culture · Feminists · Girl Stuff · Graceful Living · Gracious Living · Guy Stuff · Healthy Living · Inspiration · Joyful Living · Life · Life at Starbucks · Life Lessons · Life With Cats · Living · Love Poetry · Meaning of Life · Men's Health · Men's Issues · Men's Sexuality · Mens' Issues · Mental Health · Mindful Living · Monday Inspiration · Monday Motivation · Motivation · Motivation Advice · New Feminism · Personal Development · Poetry · Poetry Month · Poets · Professional Women · Professional Writers · Romantic Poetry · Simple Living · Social Commentary · Songwriters · Spiritual Living · Sprititual Living · Student Life · The Art of Living · The New Feminism · Toronto Life · Toronto Life Dining · Travel Writers · Uncategorized · women · Women's Issues · Women's Issues · Women's March on Washington · Women's Rights · Working Women · Writers · Writing Inspiration

Life Without Passion Isn’t

die of passionIt’s true. Life without passion isn’t really life at all. It’s not living, and it’s absofreakinglutely no fun.

Some days it’s easier than others to ignore the grey cloud of obligation that follows some folks everywhere they go. When it casts its shadow however on  the bright light of those of us who live with passion, it’s less than enchanting.

As a matter of fact, too many consecutive days of this is  frustrating beyond belief. It’s life sucking. It’s boring as shit.

It’s the machine against which creative spirits rebel. And in that rebellion, great, wild, deliciously unforgettable adventures are experienced.

In this very present moment, I feel that I need to step out of the shadow and into the light and guess what?….

 

I am utterly spent, but more than that, I’m fierce. It is within that fierceness that the fire of my passion, my creativity, and my sense of adventure are rooted and nurtured.

If you too find yourself occasionally worn down by the lack of imagination in the world around you, you are in good company here my friend.

Take some advice from me darling; get some rest, feed your desires and find the time and space to let your creativity run wild. I dare you to feel a sin coming on.

…and if it does, I want to hear all about it.

Advice · Advice for Men · Advice for Women · andsehalaughs · Andshelaughs · andshelaughs writing · Art of LIving · Career Advice · Columns Relationship Advice · Dating Advice · Dating Advice for Men · Dating Advice for Women · Fearless Living · Feminism · Friendship · Friendships · Girl Stuff · Graceful Living · Gracious Living · Healthy Living · Joyful Living · Life · Living · Meaning of Life · Mindful Living · Motivation Advice · New Feminism · Relationship Advice · Simple Living · Spiritual Living · The Art of Living · The New Feminism · Uncategorized · Whole Living · Witches · women · Women's Issues · Women's Issues · Women's Rights · Working Women

Just Because You’re Supposed To Doesn’t Mean You Should; Maiden Mother Crone

maiden mother croneI’m old now. Ok, not really old, but older, and women in their 20’s and 30’s think I”m the wise old owl. I kind of dig it.

I’m the lady younger women come to for advice, to air their worries, and that they see as some kind of icon of independence, strength and compassion. They also think I’m eccentric, old and clueless at times. It’s a fine balance,and I think I can handle it.

At the root of all issues for most young ladies and old alike is the fine balance of fulfilling our practical obligations and doing the things that make us feel good.

We slip into our roles as caregivers in a Stepford-kind-of-way. So much of what we do falls into a less-than-conscious way of being. We do because that’s what we’re supposed to do; because that’s what everyone expects.

And then we lose ourselves to all of that. We simply do not have time to do the things we love. We don’t prioritize it. Women’s soul-work is not valued. We become mothers to our partners subtle demands. Guilt can be sinister and subtle.

So, to the younger ladies who come to me with their relationship, career and creative struggles, my one piece of advice is to do what makes them feel alive, and make sure they have a solid resume to support themselves.

I’m as guilty as the next woman when it comes to romantic ideals, but I’m older and wiser now.  If a partner tells you they’re not good enough for you; they’re not. If they tell you they’re not sure where the relationship is going; it’s not going anywhere. Embrace what brings you joy and go do that .

 

Bottom line, do not stop prioritizing the things that bring you solitary joy. For me it’s writing, painting, going to art galleries and camping.  Stick with your tribe. You need your girlfriends and you need to keep your own zest for life alive.

crone poem

 

Advice · Advice for Men · Advice for Women · Advice for Writers · Andshelaughs · Canadian Writers · columns Dating Advice · Columns Relationship Advice · Creative Life · Dating Advice for Men · Dating Advice for Women · Guy Stuff · Life · Life Lessons · Meaning of Life · Men's Health · Men's Issues · Men's Sexuality · Motivation Advice · Opinion · Professional Writers · Relationship Advice · Sexual Education · Sexual Health · Sexuality · Toronto Life · Uncategorized · Wisdom · women · Women's Issues · Women's Rights · Words of Wisdom · Working Women · Writers

Three Little Birds: In My Head

There have been a few things rolling around in my mind lately.

What would the new year be if we  weren’t inundated with media pimping health and wellness gimmicks?

squatI’ve never been a skinny chick, and I don’t know that I’d be that comfortable being all angles and bones, but I don’t really dwell on it. I haven’t always loved my curves, or my height . As a young woman I struggled against the unrealistic messages that bombarded me via the media.

But I grew into my body, and I learned to love it and rollick in sensuality.

With a partner who finds it necessary to grab my love handles while asking, ” Are you going to the gym?”, the last thing I need is to second guess my own chutzpah. So this brings me to the first thing on my mind; why do people obsess over fitness and diet instead of trying to incorporate healthy habits?

bruce-trailPersonally I find it hard to seek support because people go overboard with it all. I need a workout buddy who can make being active fun. I also, like most women need less housework, a shorter commute, and a thyroid that works.

I need a workout buddy like the person who came up with this quote; I found out today that you can’t get a gym membership, ‘Just to watch’.
I don’t do well with being uncomfortable taking my clothes off in front of a man. My solution: be good to myself. Not to feel sorry for myself, but to rejoice in my over-the-top voluptuousness, sense of humour, joie de vivre and to get my groove back. I’m even going to try some reading material; The Self Esteem Coach, and the classic, The Art of Seduction. 

I honestly hope that something fun and delicious interrupts me so I don’t actually have to do the work and I can cop out, but I likely should do the work.

Honestly, I’m over 40, and I’m convinced that at this age women ought to be comfortable in their own skin and totally owning their goddess.

So that was my first one.

The second thing on my mind has been the take over of mocking Donald Trump in social media. Satire (and this is proven) does not change politics. Humour makes it funnier in a sad and apathetic way, but it’s ineffective as a tool to use against change.

It took a man with true leadership skills to cut the bullshit;

If you’re tired of arguing with strangers on the internet, try talking with them in real life. If something needs fixing, lace up your shoes and do some organizing. If you’re disappointed by your elected officials, grab a clipboard, get some signatures, and run for office yourself.  Show up.  Dive in.  Persevere.

protestQuit whining and gather in the streets. Don’t just bitch there darling, do something about it. If you’re not willing to do something about it, please shutupinski.

The third thing that’s been on my mind is the incredibly fast pace of doing absolutely nothing meaningful. Go to work, pay the bills, eat what you’re supposed to, take as many steps as the latest gadget deems healthy, measure every single aspect of your life until you’re too tired to enjoy it. Oh my gawd! What a wonderful life! Pass the lorazapam and tuck me in for the next decade. This sucks.

moomooUm, no thanks. Burn my bras and send me a moo-moo. I don’t really buy in, and I never have. I do find it incredibly more exhausting to be surrounded by people who do.

So, I beg of you. Get off your ass and have some fun. Call me (please!!!) so I can do that with you. When we’re having fun, being creative, laughing and working together toward a kinder, more gentle society, I believe that changing ourselves and the world will happen, just a little more organically and way more joyfully.

P.S. Seriously, I need this moo-moo.

 

Advice · Advice for Men · Advice for Women · Advice for Writers · Art of LIving · Canadian Politics · Fearless Living · Healthy Living · International Politics · Joyful Living · Life Lessons · Living · Meaning of Life · Motivation Advice · Opinion · Politics · The Art of Living · Uncategorized · Women's Issues · Women's Rights · Working Women

A Little Bit of Medicine Makes the Madness Go Down

gin-and-tonic
“An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.” ~ Ernest Hemingway

Limes, tonic water and club soda are at the top of my grocery list. Guess what’s getting me through the horror-show that is American politics? You got it ladies – booze. Booze, helpless laughter and apathetic photos of cute, baby animals.

Spending a day trapped under the weight of a huge writer’s block, I turned to Twitter and Instagram, only to be bombarded by angry politics.

I get it. I do. I’m a fighter for anything I believe in, and I do believe it’s time to fight. But a gal needs a to retreat into comfort to gather her wits.

Given the internal, spiritual distress it’s causing, I’m hoping a few of my favourite things will fortify my faith in human beings again; a satisfying nosh at a TO restaurant paired with aglianico  and political conversation, the passionate and detailed attention of an attentive lover, a controversial novel and even a loud girl talk in public.

What makes it all sweeter is that this madness that is the USA, is a serious threat to all of the above mentioned freedoms, especially for women.

Do whatever gets you through ladies. Stock up on your favourite cocktail elixirs, take comfort in the arms of an accomplished lover, gather and plan in circles of strong women.

Whatever you do, remember how much courage it took for women to pave the way for us, and never, never give up.

Cheers!

Advice for Men · Advice for Women · Advice for Writers · andshelaughs writing · Art of LIving · Buddhist Writers · Canadian Writers · Creative Life · Creative Writing · Dating Advice for Women · Fearless Living · Girl Stuff · Graceful Living · Gracious Living · Healthy Living · Inspiration · Joyful Living · Lean In Girl Stuff · Letter Writing · Life · Life Lessons · Life With Cats · Living · Meaning of Life · Men's Health · Men's Issues · Mens' Issues · Mental Health · Middle Age · Mindful Living · Monday Inspiration · Monday Motivation · Motivation · Motivation Advice · Personal Development · Professional Writers · Simple Living · Social Commentary · Songwriters · Spiritual Living · Sprititual Living · Student Life · The Art of Living · Toronto Life · Travel Writers · Uncategorized · Whole Living · women · Women's Issues · Women's Issues · Women's Rights · Working Women · Writers · Writing · Writing Inspiration

Your Invitation Awaits: Shine On My Wonderful Friends, Shine On!

centenary_red_tan_50406bNow that you feel comfortable in my writing space, come on over and get cozy with www.andsheshines.wordpress.com

If you are in the midst of change, and looking for inspiration, this is the place. Pack a bag and a fabulous pair of shoes my darlings…xo

See you there… https://andsheshines.wordpress.com