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Sink Or Swim; Nostalgia & a Little Shove

mylifeHolidays tend to make us nostalgic. Thank goodness that they’re officially over for 2015.

I can’t count the number of times that I’ve heard, “2015 was a terrible year“. Wow.

I prefer to frame my year as a deli sandwich. The bread was delicious, but the meat of it was a little sour. In other words, the first and last thirds were great (as in; good enough), but the middle really blew.

How often as children did we say a year was terrible? We didn’t darlings. We just did the 10 second countdown to the new year and moved forward with joyful, curious abandon.

sufferingNow we yearn for the days when life was simple and  we still believed in magic. Friendships and family were taken for granted, and happiness was just on the other side of the screen door.

As adults, we tend to overcomplicate things. ‘Be kind and play fair’, seem to have gotten lost in the big, adult personal ethics playbook. And that just stinks. Because it hurts. Yes, people can be selfish and cruel, but they can also be kind, giving, and lovely to snuggle up with. Naked.

As human beings, we all want to be loved. We all need and want strong friendships, a true love with whom we can  share our most intimate selves , and bourbon. Ok, maybe the last bit is all about me, but whatever.

When we lose ourselves in the fray of losing the one person we fell in love with, we feel broken. I’ve been there. It hurts. It’s scary, and it puts a pretty harsh filter on our vision of the future.

Just this summer, I sat, sobbing on my friend’s front step, while she nursed my broken heart and damaged pride. I felt empty, hopeless, afraid and lost.

We live in a world that prizes the individual and yet makes it impossible to live without the safety net of community, family and friends. Yes, the great Western-way-of-life has unfolded into a wonderful cock-up of psychological dissonance. But what do I know? I’m just a girl after all.

I do know this. The holiday season has seen a lot of falling in and out of love; happy hearts and hearts that have been broken and need time to heal, relationships that are worn thin, or worn out altogether.

The beautifully terrifying part of it all, is that the only way to heal a heart is to live life. The very life that has tossed you like a small boat on a big, angry, ocean, leaving you feeling washed up and broken beyond repair.

Cling to curiosity. Let your friends lead you when you are  blinded by tears. Be wary of the seductive pull of too much sleep, lack of self care, and try to remember how good it feels to laugh after you decide to, ‘fuck it’.

As a quasi-Buddhist-lover-of-Christian-ritual, this speaks to me. You have two choices; get up, dive back into that same unpredictable ocean to wash yourself clean, or wallow in the sand getting burned by the sun and possibly gnawed to death by vicious, exotic fauna.

Sometimes you need a friend to role you back into the ocean. In some cases, you need a friend to drag you, kicking and screaming, back to life. It’s called tough love, and we all need it once in a while.

Nostalgia and wishing for a happily-ever-after is a waste of time.

havetimeYou and I both know that more than anything else, this is true; life is short and precious.

Take the time you need to sit quietly with your broken heart. Don’t run away from it, or deny it what it needs to tell you.  Take your sadness and swaddle it like a helpless infant. As difficult as this may seem, you will see that soon enough, you will be at peace with it.

Weep. Cry. Scream into your pillow…and as you take your last gasp of sobbing breath, get ready for a shove back into the ocean of life.

You’ve always been a beautiful swimmer darling. Always.

 

 

 

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Posted in Advice, Art of LIving, Buddhim, Christianity, Girl Stuff, Guy Stuff, Humor, Humour, Jimmy Buffett, Jimmy Buffett Toronto, Knee Deep, Life, Living, Lyrics, Meaning of Life, Middle Age, Music, Musicians, Poetry, Psychology, Seniors, Spiritual Living, Spirituality, Zac Brown, Zac Brown Band, Zac Brown Toronto

Music As Therapy: Knee Deep with Zac Brown & Jimmy Buffett

peenMusic is an ancient form of magic. It can transform the atmosphere within seconds, and conjure emotions that have been buried deep.

If you are excelling at the art of living (and it is an art darlings), despite the middle-aged or just aged person looking back at you in the mirror, you still manage to rejuvenate, dismiss the nay-sayers with a regal gesture of your arm, and still have lots of life left in you.

We play music at all of our rites of passage and carefully select which melodies and lyrics reflect the emotions that words seem inadequate to describe.  For instance, on the way to a funeral, AC/DC’s Highway to Hell came blaring out of the radio. It certainly changed the mood in the car, especially for the priest.

At an outdoor summer concert with my kiddo, after a spring and summer of emotional bull-riding, I let the music of one of our favourite-fun bands wash over me.

Gonna put the world away for a minute
Pretend I don’t live in it
Sunshine gonna wash my blues away
Had sweet love but I lost it
She got too close so I fought it
Now I’m lost in the world tryin’ to find me a better way

The sun was setting over a ferris wheel lit up with bright colours, seagulls were flying over the roof of the amphitheatre, and all around me were thousands of people  had paid out their energy (aka money) to escape from the stress of life to sing and dance and be washed clean of the crap of daily living.

Wishin’ I was
Knee deep in the water somewhere
Got the blue sky, breeze and it don’t seem fair
The only worry in the world
Is the tide gonna reach my chair
Sunrise, there’s a fire in the sky
Never been so happy
Never felt so high
And I think I might have found me my own kind of paradise

This tune brought me back to a holiday I took with my kiddo.  We had so much fun listening to this song as we planned, packed and piloted away. Every time I hear it, it’s like a trop-rock meditation bell reminding me to chill-the-heck out.

Wrote a note, said “Be back in a minute”
Bought a boat and I sailed off in it
Don’t think anybody’s gonna miss me anyway
Mind on a permanent vacation
The ocean is my only medication
Wishin’ my condition ain’t ever gonna go away

I recognize that my note to the world saying, “Be back in a minute”, can apply every day. We have happy hour at our house. It’s a relaxation ritual that involves letting the demands of the day wash off, and lots of laughing about everything.

As it turns out, you can abandon stress right here, right now, if you so choose. Life has relentless stamina, and even though there may be times you don’t want it to go on, it just keeps on rolling like the ocean after a storm.

This champagne shore watchin’ over me
It’s a sweet sweet life livin’ by the salty sea
One day you can be as lost as me
Change your geography and maybe you might be

Whether you’re cleaning the house or front-row-centre, always, always, always, choose the soundtrack to you life carefully.

Knee deep in the water somewhere
Got the blue sky breeze blowin’ wind through my hair
Only worry in the world
Is the tide gonna reach my chair
Sunrise, there’s a fire in the sky
Never been so happy
Never felt so high
And I think I might have found me my own kind of paradise

Come on in
The waters nice
Find yourself a little slice
Grab a backpack
Otherwise you’ll never know until you try
When you lose yourself
You find a key to paradise…