Posted in Comedy, Creative Life, Friends, Friendship, Friendships, Girl Stuff, Girls Stuff, Humor, Humour, Life, Life Lessons, Life With Cats, Meaning of Life, Professional Women, Uncategorized, women, Women's Issues, Women's Issues, Women's Rights, Working Women

Friendship:Urine My Good Books

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Tonight I had to laugh as I dogged my way through backed up email.

The first email I opened was from a friend encouraging me to drink my own urine.

No, I did not freak out or wretch.

I laughed. Out loud. And it was a most welcome sound.  I could laugh because anyone who didn’t know us would think she was crazy, and that I was too. But that’s their problem, and their brand of crazy.

I haven’t done a lot of laughing of late, and having a friend who can talk about drinking pee makes me smile – laugh even.

I’m not going to get into the whole pee-as-a-beverage conversation, but let me just say this; she’s not crazy. She’s my friend.

That email (and the prior conversation we had about the entire process), reminded me of just how lucky we are to have friends with whom we can share our brand of crazy with. It is a wild and crazy life after all, and I think that’s easy to forget.

“I haven’t been myself lately,” was something that I said to a colleague today as we sorted out Chinese undies (don’t ask). I think that might have been the grossest understatement I’ve made in a while. Truth be told, I haven’t been jolly-old-over-the-top-flamboyant-self in a while, and hell, I MISS her!

My friends are grand reminders of who I am, how far I’ve come, the hope and the silliness still left in the world.

Just this week alone, I have been given all kinds of wonderful advice: drink your own pee, quit your job, have an affair, call in sick…

What would we do without our friends?  You see, it’s not about taking or giving advice. It’s about being caring enough to want to know how someone is feeling,  curious enough to look at alternative ways of being in the world and courageous enough to live out our choices.

As I plucked through my email, I came across a little email from ‘the crazy cat lady’ who used to be my neighbour,  I had a copied and pasted message from one of my friends’ lovers ( a seriously well-written love letter…swoon), and an invitation to some sort of kitchen party. I had a reminder about a dinner a friend planned for me knowing my love of all things bourbon and spicy. I also had bills, a library pick-up notice, and a reminder about my e-signature on a contract.

As I muddle through the darkness of ‘not quite being myself’, emails about urine as medicine, torrid love affairs and kitchen-knick-knacks I don’t-need-but-want are most welcome reminders that these seemingly frivolous distractions are the substance of life, not just unnecessary distractions.

Sending out my gratitude for my crazy, lovely, ever-so-wonderful friends…xo

 

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Posted in Advice for Men, Advice for Women, Argument, Dating Advice for Women, Entertainment, Feminism, Feminist Culture, Feminists, Girl Stuff, Girls Stuff, Guy Stuff Women's, Lean In Girl Stuff, Men's Health, Men's Issues, Men's Sexuality, New Feminism, Professional Women, The New Feminism, Uncategorized, Women's Issues, Women's Rights, Working Women

This Christmas, Leave it All On Ladies

You’d have to have your head buried in the sand not to have seen the calendar pic of Amy Schumer having almost taken it all off in the 2016 Pirelli Calendar. schumer.jpg

The Calendar traditionally featured pin-up models, but this year, the change in shape and degree of, shall we say, modesty has changed significantly.

I’m still not convinced that having iconic women and pop-culture cuties being coyly half-naked is a giant leap forward for women. I’m not an automotive buff, but I’m pretty sure Pirelli doesn’t offer escorts with the option of coffee breath.

The reality is that  when it comes to the real world women continue to be measured against male standards and values.  It’s like being upset that your cat doesn’t bark like a dog. Insane, and a complete construct of the human mind. Balderdash to it all I say.

What I don’t understand is why women feel they still must bare all to prove their strength, femininity and ultimately their worth?

Can you imagine how absurd it would be to have Jimmy Fallon clad in a banana-hammock , wearing dress shoes, teetering with his bare bum-cheeks on a stool while sipping a latte and looking into the camera?

Or perhaps let your mind wander to a full rear nude of Robert DeNiro with is hair blowing in the synthetic wind.

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Alas, you may have questioned Donald Sutherland’s value as an artist until you saw him suggestively posed on a stool in a top hat, tails and a pair of hosed legs stretched awkwardly toward the camera.

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For the love of all that’s right in the world ladies, please, stop taking your damn clothes off in an effort to prove your equality.

No one has the power to strip you bare and shine the spotlight on your beauty and your flaws except yourself.

Love yourself; body, mind and spirit, and to hell with trying to prove a point to the people who simply don’t get it.

 

Posted in Advice for Women, Aging, Andshelaughs, Birthdays, Celebrations, Girls Stuff, Holidays, Life, Living, Men's Issues, Opinion, Perspective, Women's Issues

Happy Birthday To Me: I Don’t Give a Rat’s….

Birthday GirlI don’t get it. You know, the people who guard their age like the Hope Diamond? What is with that?

For the love of all that’s holy, give it up you pretentious nit-wit!

Life, if you’re lucky and appreciate the journey, is a grand adventure, of which not a single one of us is guaranteed another day.

Years ago I denied a very creative, photog of a lover the privilege of taking pictures of me a la mode. “One day you’ll wish you had pictures,” he said. I should have listened to him. I miss that twenty-something body. I miss the perky firmness of all of the soft spots.

I should have taken his advice. He was older. He knew.

Sure, money might buy you life-extending medical care, a bimbo with a boob job, or a gigolo with a gigantico jiggler, but none of us get out of this circus tent alive or with parts that don’t break down. I figure you may as well appreciate some of the gifts that come along with loss of skin turgor, middle-age spread, and loss of your faculties.

For instance, as I look at turning another year older in a few days, I realize that I no longer really give a shit about what people think of me. I know who I am, what I stand for, and where my ethical boundaries are. I’m a good person.

I’m more confident, and even more certain that I fall short of perfection and always will. At this age, I know that I will make mistakes, and I’m not devastated by it. In fact, I appreciate, however inconvenient it may be, that mistakes have always been one of life’s most effective (if not efficient) teachers.

A bad hair day no longer makes me wish I could disappear. I don’t worry about taking sick days because I know that the only thing that heals me is rest.

If he doesn’t call back, or ever again, I know that it wasn’t meant to be – in other words, I’ve learned to temper my romantic expectations.

I know you can’t get blood from a stone, so there’s no use trying. I know that life goes on even when you’re blinded by tears and wounded with a broken heart. Nothing lasts forever; the bad stuff, or the good stuff.

When someone asks me how old I will be on my birthday, I tell them. You may think I’m too old, or too young to understand you. You might think I’m crazy or brilliant. Perhaps you have an opinion about my hair, my make-up or my weight. Frankly darling, at this age, I don’t give a rat’s ass…

…and that’s such a liberating feeling.

Happy birthday to me.

Posted in All Souls Day, Ancestors, Catholic Holidays, Family, Fathers, Geneology, Girls Stuff, Grandparents, Guy Stuff, Holy Days, Life, Living, Meaning of Life, Motherless Daughters, Mothers, Parenting, Psychology, Women's Issues

All Souls Day – Remembering the Good & the Bad Gives us Strength

grandmothersToday is All Souls day. This is a day to remember our ancestors who have died, and to honour them.

Today it was my grandmother whom I remembered. All Souls Day is special, but I remember my granny every day.

No one would ever accuse her of being delicate or fragile. She was strong, fiercely protective, and one of the most fun, free-spirited people I have ever known. Living life fully is the legacy she left her family.

There was always room for one more at her table, and enough food in the pot for one more. She was generous and giving, and thrived on adventure and curiosity. She gave us tradition, taught us the true meaning of love, and backed down from no one and nothing. She was simply amazing.

As a single woman, I could not have asked for a better role model or mentor. She has been gone almost 15 years, and she remains the strongest influence in my life. She was the mother I never had.

Today a friend of mine had to make funeral arrangements for her own mother.

My mother died this year too.  These two women never met, but seem to have one thing in common; they had terrible relationships with their daughters.

The only thing I mourned when my mother died was the long-forgotten hope that perhaps one day I would have a loving, caring mother, instead of the one who knowingly allowed the sexual, emotional and physical abuse of her child.

On the day of her funeral, I woke up, wondered at what an absolute waste her  life was, and toasted her  with a mimosa. I prayed  that her soul might finally be set free from the misery of her own creation.

Had my classmate not let us know her own mother had died, I would not have been thinking of the woman who gave birth to me either.

All Souls Day offers us a chance to remember the difficult relationships in order to appreciate the good ones.  It offers us a reminder that one day, we will also be gone, leaving nothing but a memory with those whom we love the most.

Raise a toast to those who have challenged you and even tried to devastate you.  Get down on your knees and give thanks for those who raised you up, lived a life of purpose rooted in love, and gave you that little kick in the ass we all need to keep being kind and fabulous.

Posted in Andshelaughs, dating, Girls Stuff, Guy Stuff, Inspiration, Leon Bridges, Life, Living, Lyrics, Meaning of Life, Motivation, Music, New Music, Poetry, Poets, Relationships, Saturday, Simple Living, Spiritual Living, Writers, Writing

Saturday: Smooth Sailing

smoothsailingSending out a tune to help start your day…

The older I get, the more I appreciate days that go smoothly; decent traffic, good health, a roof over my head and food on our table. Don’t ever forget that a dash of  flirty fun and sassiness adds some flavor to the smooth sailing too darlings.

Yes, smooth sailing is smiling and laughing and letting yourself be yourself.

It has been a week of learning, fresh starts, and a long exhale…

Hoping that this song by Leon Bridges helps start your day in a positive way…

Posted in Advice, Andshelaughs, Artisists, Buddhism, Christianity, Eckhart Tolle, Girls Stuff, Gratitude, Guy Stuuf, Hinduism, How-To, Life, Living, Meaning of Life, Musicians, Perspective, Philosophy, Poets, Religion, Self-Help, Simple Living, Spiritual Living, Spirituality, Writers

Giving Yourself the Moments

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“Realize deeply that the present moment is all we ever have.” ~Eckhart Tolle~

Simultaneously I was voice-dialing my mumster and buckling my seatbelt when I was caught up in a moment.

Not a moment of city-driving-get-the-hell-outta-my-way. It was a moment of, “Ahhhhh…..” As in; big sigh of relief. Big sigh of, “I feel like I’m starting to pull myself together“.

After a long day, feet-throbbing, and 5:00 a.m. starts, I felt good. Satisfied, content, like maybe, just maybe I was ok.

As you all know, life has a way of knocking us around, and shaking our confidence. It also has a way of forcing you to surrender when the only fight you have left in you whispers, “I give up,” and then rolls over, gives your broken heart the finger, pulls the blankie over its’ head and goes to sleep.

Tonight, tired but happy, I gave myself the moment.

I let myself be grateful for just being where I was, simply in the moment. Grateful that I had a mumster to call, a kiddo to go home to, and especially that I have enough courage to keep moving forward.

We can only ever be certain of change, that our emotions can carry us to the most dark, frightening depths of the human condition and the loftiest heights of elation.

When we are in the moment; not anxious of the future or analyzing the past, we realize that it’s ok. We’re ok. Life is ok; As it is. Nothing less and nothing more.

Posted in Andshelaughs, Anxiety, Buddhism, Christianity, Depression, Girls Stuff, Guilt, Guy Stuff, Life, Living, Love, Meaning of Life, Mental Health, Psychology, Reading, Relationships, Shame, Spirituality

A Flashlight for Your Journey Into The Dark Night of The Soul

We're all addicted to something that takes the pain away, and eventually we all have to give it up and stumble out into the darkness in order to find the light.
We’re all addicted to something that takes the pain away. Eventually we all have to give it up and stumble out into the darkness in order to find the light.

I arrived at my desk today to find a brown-paper wrapped package containing a copy of, The Dark Night of the Soul by Gerald G. May.

It couldn’t have arrived at a better time.

Someone I love dearly, a best friend and wonderful person is suffering so deeply that the only caring I can offer is to hope that he knows he is loved as he suffers through what is, I’m sure, one of his ‘Dark Nights of the Soul’.

What my heart tells me to do is to keep reminding him of that, but what I know I have to do is let him find his own way, and hope that during the darkest of times, he knows that he is loved.

I want to call, text, send emails, books, quotes, stories, cards and carrier pigeons. I want to wrap him up and protect him from the demons only he can face and conquer.

I want to stomp my feet and shake my fist at the sky and….

…what?

To be honest, I’m not sure, as I’ve been having what I like to describe as, “The Dark Night of the Whateveryoucallit”. In other words, I don’t like to admit that I’m sad, depressed, angry, frightened or broken-hearted.

I like to breathe deeply and remember that whether or not I like it, I will wake up tomorrow and slog through the difficult emotions.

I like to remind myself that it’s ok to come home, cry myself to sleep and let this sadness snake its way through my body until I’m strangled by it.

I like to remember that ignoring it, or raging against it will not make it less painful or faster to go away.

Although it is painful to experience the ‘darker emotions’, the more you allow yourself to feel these in their gruesome fullness, the more cathartic it is. It’s scary as hell, but why use your energy fighting something you must face?

That’s been my experience anyway. Instead of running away from it, I just let it wash over me, seep into my bones, and tumble as tears from my eyes. Whenever we emerge from these darker times, we are a changed person, often with more capacity for love, compassion and empathy. The storms polish us like sea glass that has been worn smooth from being tossed ruthlessly against the rocks, and then gently brought to shore.

I’ll share with you some of the things that I’ve learned about not resisting painful emotions;

1)You have to reach out to people. Don’t roll your eyes and stop reading. Everyone has their own life, but friends are always willing to listen and do what they can.

2) There is alchemy in every human encounter; each person is at the same time giver and recipient. Helpers are gifted the opportunity to help, by those in need.

3) No emotion is permanent, so there’s no point running away from the hard stuff. It stays there until you’re too exhausted from chasing the next item of retail therapy, cigarette, joint, drink, lay or thrill-seeking adventure. Then you’re just left worn out and having to deal with what you spent all of your energy running away from

4)We all screw up. We all stumble backward once in a while when we need to be reminded of why we didn’t stay there in the first place ( bad relationships, addictions, habits…you get the gist of what I’m saying here…).

5)Life goes on, even when you don’t ever want to wake up, it goes on. See #1 and #8 when you really are suffering.

6)Guilt and shame are chosen emotions. They’re tough ones to overcome because they whisper evil things to our ego, and ego is a ruthless critic. Looking deeply and compassionately at guilt and shame can ease a lot of internal suffering.

7)When you are able to, offering your compassion and love to another human being may be emotionally risky, but it’s totally worth it.

8) Talking does help. Language helps us process, but it also invites different perspectives and the occasionally necessary reality check.

For those barely able to take the next step through the dark night of their own soul, I wish you peace.

For those of you who care about someone who is going through this, I also wish you peace.

Be kind to yourself and be kind to one another. Be gentle…and stock up on tissue ’cause you’re gonna need it.