Yesterday I started reading The Rainbow Comes and Goes. Perhaps drawn by fame and perhaps drawn by the mother-son relationship, I lugged it in to my pedicure appointment and settled in for a bit of escape.
I have to admit, my first literary choice was Change Up, but I’d forgotten that on my way out the door. So, having had a crap weekend, struggling with grief, belonging, and contemplating my very independent (aka alone) status in the world, I shelled out for a book that had piqued my interest, but likely never would have read had I not been so distracted. Ah yes, we must be thankful for serendipity and the overwhelming feeling that we need to disappear.
It’s interesting to me that the stories people tell themselves; the ones that shape their identity and perspective often go untold. It’s often the ugly-step-sister emotions, like not being good enough, that drive us to be better. They drive us toward what is right and good, because let’s face it, wrong and bad are only fun for so long.
Reading about Anderson Cooper and his famous mommy G.V. reminded me again that we’re all the same inside. Regardless of whether you’re just an average cog in the machine, or someone strapped with a moniker tied to family and wealth, I believe that we all seek the same things; a sense of belonging, purpose, and connection to someone who deeply loves us.
When those things are missing, getting out of bed in the morning can be a bit like taking the first step on the road to hell. Being tired is one thing. Being tired of it all is another. But we do it. We get up when we feel out of place and alone, and we carry on. We all must do it every once in a while, but lately, as in the past few years, it feels a bit relentless.
So, if you’re feeling out of sorts (like me), you need to have some quiet time to see what’s out of balance, and what, if anything, you can do about it.
Reading a short essay about meditation and practice, I came across an idea that helped me during my last retreat. When we meditate we begin to ask ourselves basic questions. We may seek answers from books or teachers or friends. The reality is that no one has the answers, and just as importantly, no one can tell you which questions you need to ask yourself. But it always comes down to ‘why’.
During a walking meditation along the Ottawa river I came to my ‘why’. I was more than a bit surprised at what I came up with. Which of course led to a more important why, and I’m still working on that one.
As you work toward your ‘why’, may you have peace in your heart. Wishing you and I both a place where we belong, something to do that makes us proud, and someone who loves us deeply.