Losing the Christmas Spirit: It’s a Terrible thing to know, but I know it

hot ChristmasI woke up late today to above zero degree Celsius weather and a grey sky.

The grass is a sad, Oscar-The-Grouch green and the ground is muddy.

I’m thankful there is no ice or snow to battle and that I don’t have to add any time on to my already too-long commute.

But as much as I hate to admit it, there’s something magical about snow. Something that’s part of this time of year; peacefulness, hidden hope, and magic of those things which spring forth from under a blanket of white.

After looking at some photos on social media of snowy landscapes, I came to ask myself why, yet again this year, I don’t feel ‘Christmasy’.

Last night my mumster and I were talking, and she confessed that she hasn’t felt the Christmas spirit in years.

Last year I struggled through, but this year I’m not resisting. I too am without Ho-Ho-Ho-ness.

Not even scoring a bag of the elusive coloured-marshmallows that I use to make butterscotch squares for my Christmas tray made me excited. I actually stood there in the supermarket, holding the marshmallows and fingering them like worry beads, debating whether I would even bother baking this year. Finally guilt won out, and I tossed them into the cart. People do enjoy the baking, even if I’d rather be on a beach sipping margaritas in my bathing suit.

So looking through pictures of snow, my mind got to wandering.

Maybe snow isn’t so bad. Before you roll your eyes and move on, just hear me out.

Maybe it’s a natural way to slow us down. Maybe the conversation I had with a previous colleague is worthwhile pursuing. Maybe my roadtripping to small, waterfront towns will lead to a more meaningful existence.

Maybe I need to rethink this city living and put one foot in front of the other finding a nice little lakeside window where I can plunk my writing desk and spend more time writing and less time in a sea of tail-lights.

Maybe my lack of Christmas spirit has more to do with environment I’m living in. Perhaps I’m just getting old and worn out.

There’s a quote from Pirate Radio that I love. Philip Seymour Hoffman’s character, Captain says,

You know, a few months ago, I made a terrible mistake. I realized something, and instead of crushing the thought the moment it came I… I let it hang on, and now I know it to be true. And I’m afraid it’s stuck in my head forever. These are the best days of our lives. It’s a terrible thing to know, but I know it.

I hate to think that the best days of my life are over, but that’s what I feel like lately.  That’s why the Christmas spirit seems to have reached it’s expiry date.

Let’s hope that I’m wrong, wrong, wrong…

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