Our relationship troubles get us a pat on the head, and the standard, simple advice of, ‘If you don’t like it leave’.
A lot of coupled folks live their courage vicariously through us singletons. Common platitudes include; You don’t need anyone, you’re independent, it’s time for you to focus on your career (interchange that with a hobby, parenting, or some other such bullcrap), you don’t need a man/woman.
It’s easy for these folks to casually waive their ringed-fingers in the air and brush away our trite singleton emotional pain when, at the end of a hard day, they have someone to come home to, someone to snuggle up with, and someone to help negotiate the financial waters.
Yah, we get it. Relationships are not easy, and they take work. Why do you think it’s taken us so damn long to find someone we can live with? We understand why your spouse irritates the hell out of you. We really do. That’s why we didn’t marry them. We also understand why you irritate the hell out of them too.
There is an understood law of friendship that unless it is a true emergency, you don’t call after or before certain, civilized hours. Oh wait, that’s for coupled folks only. Single people stay up partying all night and writing their manuscripts. I wish. This long-weekend alone, I have been woken up every single morning with a text or call from a married pal in crisis, been needed (in person) for emergency advice out-of-town, and in my own living room.
Last night, I had a chance to put my feet up and enjoy a simple, quiet evening watching the ball game. By that time, My Go-Juice(you know, the fun energy that keeps you going) had run out, and I was in need of recharge time. I’ve been in need of recharge time for six months, but have neglected it too long.
I’m already counting down to my next holiday, and have narrowed down my escape destination to two options.
During the past few weeks I’ve come to realize just how burnt out, in need of nurturing and good company I am.
If you are single, and find yourself constantly being asked for energy and time, it may be time to re-evaluate. Are you the one always organizing dinners, lunches or trips? Do your pals give you the brush off when you talk about your relationship struggles, but expect a kind ear when they bitch about their partners lip-smacking appreciation of anyone other than them, their messy habits, inability to communicate, lazy or alternately hyper libido?
If you answered yes to any of these questions then it’s time to recharge and re-fill your Go-Juice.
It’s ok to say no when you have nothing left to offer. God forbid us singletons get so cozy in ourselves that we’re happy handing out the candy-equivalent of peanuts for apathetic advice; If you don’t like it, leave.
It’s not that simple now, is it folks?
No, relationships are complex, fluid, wonderful things. Especially our friendships.