Looking a Gift Horse In the Mouth & Other Adult Dysfunction

dandelionsunshineWe were driving from somewhere to somewhere when my sweetie laughed and said, ” I never look a gift horse in the mouth”.

“I like to wedge an incision spreader in good and snug and take a thorough look around,” I answered. And I wasn’t kidding.

Sometimes in life, a gift horse is also a swift-kick-in-the-arse-horse. Sometimes, a gift horse is also just a gift horse.

Although I’m a big fan of ‘going with your gut’, I also over think to the point of being able to navigate my local LCBO with my eyes closed. Don’t judge me, we all have our casual therapists.

Matters of the heart and our logical minds are caught in an eternal tug-of-war. The good news is that it keeps us balanced. The bad news is, that when one breaks the other, either our mind or heart ends up in the muck.

The problem seems to be that when the real gift-horse comes galloping into our middle-aged lives, we’re so afraid of another nasty surprise that we only see the gift-horse as another fast-moving disruption with the potential for destruction.

It’s easy to roll up our empathetic sleeves and sport scars from the past. It’s a lot harder to see someone simply as they are; fully human and fallible.

Which brings me to unconditional love. Nonsense. There is no such thing. I won’t get into the gory possibilities, but let’s just agree to agree and leave it at that.

Love and trust are choices, often made with the heart. Which, by the way, is completely healthy. Somewhere, somehow , we came to discredit the value of emotional intelligence and trusting our own balanced decision-making.

We choose love as we choose not to love. It is that simple.

Love and trust exist not as absolutes, but as elements of the human condition which exist on a continuum, often teetering dangerously high and low, causing our minds and hearts to react. Balance is a tension not easily achieved, and sometimes highly over-rated. A little bit of bat-shit crazy can go a long way toward jerking your head out of your ass darlings. It’s not gentle, but it’s effective.

It’s ok to be happy, and it’s ok to be sad. Just as it’s ok to be angry, silly, afraid, lustful, curious and head-over-heels in love.

It’s rare we can be in the moment, present, and open to communication without dragging a boatload of what-if’s and once-upon-a-time-someone-screwed-me-over stories into the mix.

Look a gift horse in the mouth if you must, but don’t let it run away without saying thank you. Also, keep bubbles in the fridge in case you need to either soothe the wounds or toast a beautiful gift from the universe.

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