Dealbreakers: Everything from Hardware to Manscaping

inconveniencedThis morning as I was driving home in the sunshine, I was asked what my ‘deal-breakers’ were.

Deal-breakers? I had to think about that one. You see, I’m a glass-is-half-full kinda gal, maybe a bit too kaleidoscope eyed and unicorn-believing, but a hard-core romantic underneath my professional-working-girl core.

Unkind. Yes, being unkind is my deal-breaker. You see kindness is king, and a heck of an expansive umbrella of stuff. I will break these unkind deal-breakers down for you as I experienced them this weekend;

1) Unkindness includes my latest experience at misogynistic Ikea. You know, the company who conveniently air-brushed women out of their catalogues in, oh, I forget the year, but it was sometime this century. Some might say that makes Ikea a bunch of Swedish women-hating pigs, but let’s just call them unkind.

It was my own fault really. I’d banned Ikea from my shopping repertoire, but fell victim to the promise of conveniently packaged bathroom hardware, including the screws. I’m not sure when they stopped including screws with their second-rate crap, but they have. The answer to my question from one of their anti-customer service staff when I asked what kind of screws a particular item took was, “It depends on your walls.” No you idiot, it depends on what size the pre-fab holes are for the screws. Thanks for being unkind. This was so much of a deal-breaker, that I drove all the way back first thing this morning and returned everything.

mangrooming2) Ungroomed man-pubes. I know, it seems minor, but one of my very best friends urged me to write about this hinterland of personal hair-care. Please gents, for the love of all that’s sacred, just go get professional help. We do, and it makes us feel fresh, clean, and ready for wonderful nights of passion with our men. Don’t ask us to do it for you, that’s not sexy and it’s not kind. Let me explain; We fell in love with you, and lust after only you, and hope to keep some of the passion alive. Asking us to trim your ear-hair, nose wisps, pubes or other hairy man-bits just kills the romance. Asking us to take you down off of your pedestal which is already reasonably low, is not fair. Asking us to do it for you is unkind.

3) Lechery. Now, this came up this morning. As with the above two examples, it falls nicely under the shade of my ‘kindness’ umbrella. I’ve known a few lecherous men, and it’s always been a dealbreaker. Being lecherous is creepy and brings on a good case of the ooga-booga-goose-bumps. Maybe even a little acid reflux verging on vomit. A little dash of lechery can be fun with your lover, but then again, that’s not lechery, it’s healthy sexuality.

4) Liars, cheats, sociopaths. Yep, all unkind.

phone is off5) Respecting someone’s time. I’ll be the first to admit that I regularly try to do too much and run about five to ten minutes late for any given activity that I’m not being paid to do; i.e., weekend stuff. If you cancel last minute, are engaged in another conversation via telephone, text or other social media, that is unkind.

6) Calling  during a nap. Unkind. Ok, maybe it wasn’t intentional, but you can  reserve the right to be passively aggressively angry about it until you fully wake. Sorta unkind.

So, when asked about deal-breakers, my simple answer of ‘kindness’ wasn’t so very simple. Kindness is a way of life, and an ethical code. If you live by the golden rule, we’re cool. If not, prepare to be informed.

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