As a writer, I am often a ball of anxious energy, deeply introspective, and sometimes crippled by the complexity and speed of what’s going on up there in my creative grey matter. Like other creative types, I balance my writing life with my life as a professional, working parent.
Just before Christmas I published my first novel on Wattpad. It wasn’t promoted or advertised other than here, at my little home in the vast blogosphere. Other than one die-hard fan, and a few people who said they were reading it but didn’t, I haven’t had much feedback.
Just an aside – we know who reads our stuff. That’s the great thing about blogs and writer’s platforms, it tracks everything for us. We know who’s reading or not, stalking, monitoring and sharing. That’s not the point though. It’s just a little tidbit of info for the readers out there.
The point is that I finally put my first novel ‘out there’. For me it was the equivalent of clearing out a closet. It was finished, done, tidied up enough to let me breathe and make room for something new.
Like any writer, putting the story out there is as important as anything else. It’s the equivalent of standing naked in a crowd and exposing ourselves. It takes guts.
Since I cleared out book number one, I have been wanting to write down a story that has been brewing in my veins for some time. I had to write the first book to get to this one. It’s a different genre, will have a different subject, voice and purpose.
Sounds great right? How exciting – a new book!
But it’s not that easy.
If you’ve ever repelled, or jumped out of an airplane, you know how what it’s like to stand at the edge after practicing and gearing up. You know what it’s like to anticipate the exhilaration of the fall even as your palms moisten and tighten around the last solid thing before you let go.
There is always that moment of trepidation for me when I begin to write from a place of raw humanity, before putting pen to paper. I know that my journey will include moments of introspection into the darker side of humanity, my own fears, inadequacies and desires. I also know how liberating it is to expose the dark places and balance them with light.
Perhaps I just need to take a deep breath, and let go.