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Not Being In Love: The Truth From Someone Who’s Single

"Don't ever settle for a relationship that doesn't allow you to be yourself." ~Unkown~
“Don’t ever settle for a relationship that doesn’t allow you to be yourself.”
~Unkown~

When you’re not in love, life is a lot simpler.

That’s what my experience has been. When you are in love, your heart aches for that someone special, and you would twist yourself inside out to make their world a little brighter.

Being in love is ideal, and not being in love can be very liberating.

Not being in love allows you the freedom to be distracted from your real life and to be entertained. Flirting requires a cleverness that gets lost in relationships. Not being in love means not being attached. Not being attached means not being attached to any particular  outcome. Not being attached to outcome lends itself to a lighthearted freedom, and you know what Janis Joplin’s famous rendition of Me and Bobby McGee taught us about freedom;

Freedom’s just another word for nothing left to lose

~Kris Kristofferson & Fred Foster~

One of the best parts of any great relationship that I have, whether it be romantic, or platonic, is that it was rooted in the deep muck of silliness, play and lack of inhibition.

Too many relationships have been about saving the other person. I don’t know about you, but I don’t like hanging around like that hideous orange and white life-preserver that dries out and cracks in the sun while everyone is having fun in the pool. I don’t want a needy partner looking to be saved. I want a relationship to be a place where we can both come to recharge our batteries, instead of sucking the energy from one another. It’s a fine balance my juicy little love-plums.

So if you’re not in love, the next best thing may be to be engaged in some sort of flirtatious shenanigans. These are the things that keep us young at heart, and there is nothing more deliciously sexy than someone who knows how to have fun. Wine doesn’t hurt either…but I digress.

Being in love can be safe, comfortable, and deeply satisfying. Not being in love often results in the singleton being told a plethora of platitudes from people who are only somewhat satisfied with their partners, some of the worst of which are; you’ll find someone when you’re not looking, don’t settle, and, have you tried on-line dating?

All the while, the singleton at the receiving end of this merciless load of poop is thinking, “Maybe you should try shutting up and going home to suffer in silence next to your boring partner who makes you feel mediocre at best.”

Not being in love does not offer the safety of two incomes. It does not offer an unconditional casual therapist. Not being in love leaves you free to choose when you want to wake up on your no-alarm clock days, and coming home to eat curry and drink beer in your undies after a long week at work. Not that I would personally ever do such a thing….

Not being in love also opens up a world of delight if only you can let yourself enjoy some harmless flirting. Which, has also been known to lead to falling head over heels into the sticky spider-web of love…proceed with caution my lovelies. Consider yourself warned.

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2 thoughts on “Not Being In Love: The Truth From Someone Who’s Single

  1. An enjoyable read as always 🙂 A couple thoughts come to mind from my experience:

    – I see a few black and white, either/or statements in this article, such as “Flirting requires a cleverness that gets lost in relationships. Not being in love means not being attached.” Can a committed relationship not have its fair share of flirtatiousness and spontanaity? Although I agree that often relationships can get pretty stale pretty fast. (Actually you answer this later in the article when you write that “One of the best parts of any great relationship that I have, whether it be romantic, or platonic, is that it was rooted in the deep muck of silliness, play and lack of inhibition.” Also, I haven’t been “in love” per se for quite some time (at least not in a long-term relationship); instead I become attached to other things, such as cowering from risking, or staying in bed til 2pm, or my wretched fear.

    I oh so love it when people tell me that “you’ll find someone when you’re not looking.” It’s as if I should go to a club each weekend wearing a blindfold, hoping that someone will come find me. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to love and to be loved. Finally, again, I think being in the present moment is key. Enjoying what “is” now, rather than predicting what she or he is going to be like/act like in a month or 3 months from now. I have to learn that I don’t have to go “all in” and thus be devastated when something doesn’t pan out, but I need not be afraid to become somewhat emotionally invested.

    Blah, I don’t know. Bring on the beer!

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