Why I Stopped Dating: Part 1

wildThis blog started as some fun entertainment for mature single women who needed a laugh. I found out very quickly that the battle line drawn in the battle of the sexes is a grey and sometimes non-existent figment of the collective imagination.

To crave meaning and connection is a universal experience. Some of us just don’t know it yet. One day you might wake up and wonder about habits, addictions and unhealthy patterns of being….or not.

Sadly it seems that men I’ve dated are still caught in the early stages of psychological development, fascinated by their own pee-pee, and what they leave behind in the bathroom.

The last man I ‘dated’ had been a friend for years. Years. I thought I knew the quality of his character, but he showed some pretty ugly true colours. Besides revealing himself as a to-the-core-asshole (you just can’t make that pretty),  It became pretty plain to see why this little gem and poster boy for why-we-need-pharmaceuticals-in-the-bedroom was on the ‘available’ list.

To be fair, he’s not the only mis-match I’ve met. No my sweet, tender lamb chops. I’ve met a rainbow variety of men; too young, too old, can’t spell, can’t carry a conversation even-if-you-gave-him-a-bucket, married, sorta-married, men with mommy issues, men whose  penises need a long-committed relationship with a therapist, men who pride themselves in being evolved yet eat like pack-animals, ego-maniacs and those, who, at this tender-middle-age are on their way to creepy- old-manhood.

battleofwitsYah, I’ve met them all, and they’ve all been just off the mark.

Despite this, I’ve had grand love-affairs. Upon reflection, I’ve had quite a few, but I just haven’t recognized them.

Have you ever had a love affair?

I’m not talking about the  the kind of love affair where you have to sneak off so you aren’t discovered by a jilted partner, over-bearing parents, or the church. No. I’m talking about the kind that coddles and challenges you to be a better person, to be better than you were yesterday, or the day before that.

I know, they’re rare.

Once upon a time I thought a love affair had to involve a man and a woman ( or a man and a man, or a woman and a woman, or a trans, bi, pan, or other “_______ sexual” union), but that was long, long ago and far, far away darlings.

It’s not all doom and gloom though.  I’ve also met some really, really great men. Men who take responsibility for their lives, know how to avoid the dreaded white-sweat-socked-and-white-running-shoed casual look, men who seek genuine relationships, have their own interests, and take pride in their work rather than just their pay-cheque. Yah, there are some really swoon-worthy, incredibly sexy men with integrity out there.

That’s why I’ve decided I’m not going to date any more. That’s right, it’s the good men out there that I’m basing this decision on.  I’m not going to look, hope, or consider any wonderful man with my is-he-relationship-material filters in place. Nope. I’m finished with that .

promI think back to my first prom, and wonder what happened to that great guy who asked me to be his date. You see, three boys asked me, and at that age I hadn’t been mucked up with men who don’t know their spirit from a fart. It was pre-high-school-sweetheart-heartbreak and drama. At that tender age I had the wisdom to make a simple  decision based on whether or not each of these three was a gentleman. I made the right choice. I had fun. What I wouldn’t do for a man like that now.

I’ve been the poster woman for ‘having-it-all’. I’m educated, a good mom, I have authentic connections with colleagues and community partners. I also have anxiety, debt, and run on the same 24 hour clock as everyone else. As a young woman, I used to think you could have it all. Now I know you can have it all, just not all at the same time.

With this knowledge I have decided that unless my prom date from 25 years ago shows up, I’m giving up dating.

As a little girl, you get told a lot of fairytales…

Join me tomorrow for the best news about fairytales in real life, and why, I’ll stick by my decision…for now.

 

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