Last night I had the strangest dream…
I sailed away to China, in a little row boat to find ya….
If you’re a child of the 80’s, you just sang that didn’t you?
Anyway, last night I had a dream. I really do have the strangest dreams, and I pay attention to them.
If I really took the time to listen to the quiet whispering of my dreams and intuition, I’d likely be a lot happier. Since most people consider me some kind of weird genius twist on a Buddhist-suit-wearing-hippie-mortician, it’s surprising that I don’t do more crazy stuff.
I pay a whole lot more attention to my intuition than the average fabulous man or woman. I make a lot of decisions based on what feels right, and they usually turn out to be exactly the right thing.
Most people see the world in black and white, right and wrong. Sometimes things are that simple, but most of the time they’re not. We only like those kind of definites because our wee little human brains need to compartmentalize in order to keep us relatively sane.
Those of us with creative spirits and open hearts who actually care about the quality of life rather than the quantifiable materialism that seems to define what is normal, know that we live within the gray, and that black and white are merely the adult security blankies of our fragile psyches.
A few weeks ago, as I was tromping my way up a staircase in high heels and freshly dry-cleaned suit, feeling like death’s older, much more sinister big sister, I thought, “I can’t do this any more”.
Then guess what I did my sweet little peaches? Did I drop to my knees in tears? Did I pack up my big, black briefcase and hand in my name badge? Did march through the office with a bass drum singing, “I quit”? No. I did none of those things. I didn’t even collapse and wave a metaphorical white flag.
Instead, I laughed. Out loud.
I laughed because immediately after I told myself, ” I can’t do this any more”, I immediately thought, “You don’t have to”. That’s what made me laugh.
That crazy well-informed and well schooled voice deep down inside my crazy-wild-woman soul was exactly right.
We always, always, always have a choice. The choices may not be ideal, or the stuff of your favourite fairytale, but we always have a choice.
Since then I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about where I want to steer this crazy bus of a life. I haven’t made a list of pro’s and con’s. I haven’t loaded up on self-help books and popular psycho-babble poo-ha.
I have let the uncertainty roam freely about in the glorious unknown corners of my human spirit. Eventually something will come to light out of the darkness, and I will be off in what will likely be an unexpected direction to an unknown destination. It is after all, about the journey folks.
I don’t know when, I don’t know how, what, where, or if anyone will accompany me. I just know that it will happen.
So, last night I had this dream, and it was a weird one, fueled by a late dinner, wine, vampire stories and a fever. But I trust it. I bother with it. I consider it, look up the meaning of elements that make up the whole, and I learn what my soul is trying so hard to to tell me.
Shhh. If you listen, you’ll know what to do next. I promise sweetheart, I promise.