The Warm Fuzzies of Dysfunction

consentAs my fingers pressed a code-lock into the keypad, followed by the clicking of my heels on the tiled floor, I thought to myself, “Wow, you’ve come a long way lady! I wonder what they’d think of me now?”

I thought about having a conversation and catching up on everything they’d missed out on since I last saw them.  All it would take is a quick dial of the phone, and I could hear their voice. Who knows what miracle might happen?

I had a moment of indulgence, fantasizing about the good times and talks that we’d had. I thought about how nice it was to have that relationship, the intimacy of knowing someone well, where they came from, and how they became the person who they are today.

But,  the short answer to my warm and fuzzy, nostalgia inspired questions is; Likely the same stupid, twisted stuff they thought about me back then. In plain-speak my dazzling belles of the ball, that means that whatever they once thought of me, or might think of me now really doesn’t matter.

That’s the ultimate truth about dysfunctional relationships – they’re dysfunctional. Unhealthy. Less than anyone deserves, and a complete and utter waste of a precious lifetime.

Dwelling too long on the few sweet drops of goodness of a bad relationship does way more damage than lack of exercise, too much hooch, or saturated fat. It steals your future, and kills your self-worth.

Dysfunction is often just  a nice way to say abusive, and it’s dangerous because it stems from the most intimate and trusted of relationships. You know as well as I do darling that the more intimate the relationship, the deeper the potential wound.

Today my cousin posted a quote about doubt, and I think it’s a very apt thought with regard to the difficult relationships in our lives. Whenever you find yourself doubting someone, or your relationship with them, whether they’re a lover of the hot-sweaty-jungle-sex-kind, or even your one and only mother, consider this;

Cherish your doubts, for doubt is the attendant of truth.

Doubt is the key to the door of knowledge; it is the servant of discovery.

A belief which may not be questioned binds us to error,

for there is incompleteness and imperfection in every belief.

Doubt is the touchstone of truth; it is an acid which eats away the false.

Let no one fear for the truth, that doubt may consume it; for doubt is the testing of belief.

The truth stands boldly and unafraid; it is not shaken by the testing.”

~ Rev. Robert T. Weston, Unitarian Universalist minister

Unfortunately living within a dysfunctional relationship poisons everything that is good in your life. That is the well into which dysfunctional people drip their contagion.

Too often, hindsight wears rose-coloured glasses, forgives like Gandhi, and seduces like a Parisian whore,  making you think that you’re the bad one for establishing and keeping healthy boundaries.

Your past is the past, and the people in it are usually there for a reason.

Keep your chin up darling, and your sights set on the life and loves that your heart truly desires. You’re just too beautiful for anything less.

 

 

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2 thoughts on “The Warm Fuzzies of Dysfunction

  1. I really needed to hear/read this. I will question myself regularly as to why I can’t just “forgive like Gandhi” or Jesus in all cases, especially in cases where I’ve been deeply wounded. However my truth is that, at least for the foreseeable future, it would only serve to curtail my own health and healing process by “sucking it up” and doing what so many would judge to be the “right thing.” In a way, I think that the mere fact that we sometimes entertain or fantasize re-establishing ties with our abuser, it reinforces the fact that we are not the monsters some would make us out to be, but rather the opposite. We are on the (sometimes slow, excruciating) path to wellness and wholeness. (I hope that makes sense!) Anyways, thank you again my beautiful and compassionate cousin.

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