…it’s a relief to be sick so you can sleep
…you’d rather come home and go to bed than take someone to bed
…you wish you’d collapse so someone would finally take care of you
Maybe you’ve had a week like that? A month like that? A year like that? A lifetime like that?
Most strong, independent people have a hidden wound that keeps them going somehow. They’ve learned through heartache that vulnerability can be a dangerous thing and despite adversity, they keep on showing up and taking on the world alone.
From time to time, it’s impossible to be everyone’s smiling face for the day. You just can’t do it any more.
No matter your training, your practice, your dependence on cheesy motivational sayings, sometimes you just feel inadequate.
Tired, old, fat, ugly…whatever your personal self-inflicting wound weapon of choice, you use it on yourself.
Regardless of how awful you feel about yourself, there’s someone out there who can relate.
Hopefully they offer a sympathetic ear, and know enough to hold off on the advice, or, my personal favourite, the ‘suck it up cupcake’ followed by a thousand reasons you should be thankful, or worse, a thousand reasons they have it worse off than you.
What’s important is to recognize that you feel this way for a reason, and that reason is most likely that you are physically, emotionally and mentally exhausted. As in exhaustipated.
Be gentle with yourself. Wear your fat pants. Have a nap. Take a day off. Don’t pick up your phone. Cancel a date with that soul-sucking social contact. Eat that chocolate bar. Take yourself to the spa. Order take-out. Accept someone’s offer of kindness…
Yah, that one can be pretty hard to do when you’ve perfected the independence thing. Sometimes courage doesn’t mean being someone else’s savior. It means being vulnerable so someone can be yours.
Sure, it means exposing yourself to possible pain, but it also means exposing yourself to great love.
Sometimes someone extending a kindness can be so touching it feels as if your heart is breaking. But you have to let yourself be vulnerable in order to let someone else help raise you back up.
Try it, you just might find out that being vulnerable isn’t as awful as you think.