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Being ‘That Guy’

ghandiAs luck would have it recently, I was in a comfortably horizontal,  inebriated state of bliss, tangled in damp sheets next to a younger,  almost completely competent man.

We were spending a little time catching our breath, and contemplating the state of the universe from our newly rejuvenated points of view.

As with most lover-like situations (please see the ANDSHELAUGHS definition of lover) our conversation was much like a jazz- fusion-bass-riff; pleasant, light, and easily forgotten.

As is the case with younger men (again, refer to the ANDSHELAUGHS tribute to younger men), wise women realize that in all likelihood, they won’t be around asking, “Remember when…” with us in twenty years.

Despite the suspect shortfalls, it is always imperative to remain graceful and polite. These lovelies are our guests after all, and should be treated and entertained as such. My one-too-many-sauvignon-vocabulary got the better of me in this case I’m afraid and the truth came out.

I said something along the lines of, ” I certainly don’t want this relationship forever. ” and continued with, ” I’d like a real man in my life who…”. The rest of the sentence isn’t important is it? No. I’d already done damage to my darling man’s ego.

After some discussion about being honest with one another, and clarifying just where exactly we both stand and what we understand with regard to how we relate to one another, he said, ” I never want to be ‘That Guy’. I’m not ‘That Guy’.”

Um, yes sweetie, you are indeed, ‘That Guy’.

You know what I’m talking about ladies, the unique refreshing one who’d chase a woman if he caught any scent of the possibility of getting laid or capitalizing on whatever benefit he might gain from the relationship. That rare species of man spotted only on every-freaking-single-street-corner-of-the-universe. How refreshing.

Newsflash folks, whomever you choose to be in the moment is who you are. That guy, will always just be the stereotypical, ‘That Guy’, because that’s the extent of his behavior in relationship with me. That’s the only guy I’ve ever known him as. Unless he has a spiritual epiphany and has what I like to call, a-come-to-Jesus-meeting with his inside voice, he will always only ever be, ‘That Guy’, whom he proves himself to be.

Knowing what I know, that’s ok with me. After all darlings, if I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times, “If a man wants to be part of your daily life, he is.”  I will accept this physical joy while I have the opportunity, and I shall have deep gratitude for it. I shall also have bourbon, maybe a slightly cracked heart, and a sick day if my little wee girl-feelings gets tangled up with ‘That Guy’.

He’s never been; ‘That Guy Who Sends Flowers’, ‘That Guy Who Sends Thoughtful Texts Every Morning and Evening’, ‘That Guy Who Cares How I Am’, ‘That Guy Who’s Dying to Cook Me Dinner and Hold My Hand”.  He’s only ever acted like, ‘That Guy’. Like the bazillion ‘That Guys’ we all know.

I suggest walking your talk and being authentic, even if it’s being an authentic a-hole.

When you tell the world you want great things, but act like you’re not worthy of those things, you never achieve them, whether it be family, career, education or anything else.

So, if you don’t want to be, ‘That Guy’, or ‘That Girl’, don’t. Be who you want to be. That takes incredible courage, and courage my juicy, thick slices of man-steak, is very, very sexy.



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