Last week, I was sitting all alone in silence. I was patiently waiting for the rare, almost Monday-evening-extinct bird of inspiration to strike. As is my habit when I’m in a preternatural funk, I check my email, facebook, twitter, blog and homepage a kazillion times every hour.
Monday evening, in my very still position as hunter of inspiration, I had a fresh email from one of my besty’s husbands. This doesn’t happen often. The men in the lives of my pals know of my rapier-like wit, and steer clear of me unless they want to talk politics, baseball,need an opinion, need a gift -giving solution, or have a hell of a joke to share.
I clicked on an email expecting a joke or question about a gift, although my pal’s birthday isn’t until January, and their Anniversary was in April. Porn. He had sent me the world’s most tacky, hilarious, gob-smacking 20 seconds of porn I’d seen in a very long – well, now, come to think of it…since the last time he sent me laugh-out-loud porn. Because I was hoping for inspiration, I clicked on it. Only because I was looking for inspiration, because we all know not one of us ever, ever gets that dirty.
It has been six years since this man came into my life via my besty. You see he picked her up at a playground while they were entertaining their kids, and the rest, as they say is history.
Women are ferociously protective of their friends. At least the women I know anyway. We want someone to worship and adore our gal pals; to treat them with respect, and awe; to shower them with flowers and jewelry and passionate love-making every day. We will however settle for sane, employed and clean.
Without fail, when a friend begins to date a new man, the ladies of her girldom court become aflutter with questions about what did he say? How did he say it? What does he kiss like? How’s the sex? To which, just in case you’re wondering guys, the proper answer is, “He can be trained”.
The beginning stages of relationship are when friends are the most critical and protective. We go out, we analyze, we consult with our girlfriends and Magic-8-Balls. Ok, I’m the only one I know who consults the Magic-8-Ball, but I’m odd that way.
Although we want to be encouraging, we bristle at anything negative that he says, does, or even thinks of doing in the beginning. We listen to our friends explain things like, “He didn’t comment on my new dress”, “I thought we had the most amazing sex and then he just rolled over and went to sleep and didn’t cuddle or say anything”, “He took a call during dinner. Who the hell is so important at 9pm?!”. Our responses are appropriate, “That’s ok, guys don’t notice these things”, “That’s not good,” and “What an a-hole”.Don’t lose me here fellas. We go all girly ga-ga over sweet gestures – the flowers, the sweet middle of the day phone calls and texts, the secret plans he made for a romantic evening or weekend getaway.
Before you know it, the beginning is over. We know that good, bad or otherwise, this fella is here to stay a while. We start to give him the benefit of the doubt, and begin wondering how on earth he puts up with our besty’s girl crap. He sticks around. We respect him a little more.
It takes years though. I met one of my besty’s husbands while we were still in high school. I cursed that man from Canada to Japan and back. He was not good enough for my best friend. He was too selfish. He did not love her and she was doomed to be in a loveless, one-sided relationship. After only13 years of marriage, I have to admit, he’s one of the best husbands a woman could ever wish for.
So don’t worry guys, we get you. We understand the hoops you sometimes feel you have to jump through to impress the gaggle of chicks that accompany your gal through the high seas of love and life. Like I said, we’ll settle for sane, employed and clean. I know that I would never resort to using any of those three adjectives to describe the hubbies of my gal pals.
I would use the words; intelligent, patient, compassionate and thoughtful. That’s why I love your husbands gal-pals o’mine.
Good guys do win, and you guys are the greatest!