I’m not talking about the ‘I love you’s’ told to relatives or even best friends. No sweeties. I’m talking about the ‘I love you’s’, most often whispered whilst clothed in damp bed sheets or after a romantic dinner whence you enjoyed too much wine.
‘I love you’, changes the dynamic of the relationship. It adds depth and breadth, and a sense of oneness.
Alas, there are many, many encounters to survive before you get to ‘I love you’. Years ago, I spent over two years with a guy before he said the magic words. Picture this; a beer tasting, romantic dinner, and a fun night of silly sexiness.
We had both booked the following morning off. After we kissed each other good-bye, and headed our separate ways, he stops his car in front of mine, jumps out, pokes his head through the passenger side window of my car and says; I love you.
I was shocked and elated. Way better than a passionate between-the-sheets-did-they-really-mean-it-I-love-you. It was matter of fact. It was as simple as the sun rises in the east and sets in the west. That was it.
We all know however that there will be fewer ‘I love you’s’ in our single, adult lives than, ‘how the hell do I get outta here’s’. It’s just a fact darlings. That’s why the good lord gave us the skills and resources to make moonshine and bubbly.
More often than not, we meet men and women who warn us off of them before we even get close to the warm fuzzies.
When a man or woman says that they’re not good enough for you, believe them. No. Stop right there sweetie. Unless you are a certified, diplomas on the wall therapist, back away.
If a lover wishes to be more than a sunset to sunrise between the sheets work-out buddy, they will be there.
They will be there in the morning, the afternoon, and before you close your pretty little eyes and fall asleep. Whether it’s a phone call, text, letter or other romantic gesture, they will let you know that you are in their heart.
Remember that it’s the chemical reaction to sex (adrenaline, dopamine, serotonin) that makes us lose our common sense. It’s the final burst of oxytocin that gets me. It turns me from sensible, intelligent, independent woman to puddle of I-wanna-cuddle-mush. That’s when my head on his hairy chest seems oh-so-romantic, and every centimeter of my flesh wants to cuddle until the end of time.
And that moment my darlings, is the one during which you must, unless he’s been the morning-mid-day-night-time suitor, push his booty-calling arse right out of the bed and bid him farewell. During particularly stressful times, this will be hard to do. Harder than not buying those pants that hug your curves so well in both colours.
In an adult relationship there is very little ego. It’s not difficult to drop after a certain age because you realize just how easy your ego is to pick back up again. If your darling man or lady-friend does not act and speak from a place of sincerity, file them under B, and reserve your encounters to ones where you don’t have to bother getting dressed or making breakfast.
Believe a man when he doesn’t have time for you. Believe a man who says he’s not good enough for you. Believe a man for what he does not say, does not do, and isn’t fulfilling in your life. Same goes for the gentlemen out there, women are the same.
Enjoy your playtime for what it is, but never, ever let it get in the way of the relationship you really want.