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Enough Winter Already!

slushIt’s the end of January in the GTA.

That means it’s cold as hell, and the snow, when it’s not making driving as dangerous as blind Formula One racing, is a depressing shade of dirty gray that blends right in with the horizon.

Our snow drifts are like leering mounds of immortal soul-sucking-sand-of-satan.

Needless to say, sun-loving, lushes like myself are a bit irritable at this stage of the winter the season.

For you, I provide this week’s top ten annoying as all-get-out ‘things’.

1) Photos of the brownish, grey shit that you’re eating. Seriously. Unless you’re a food stylist AND a professional food photographer, just don’t. It’s a wonder I’m not much more thin considering the mass amounts of bland and frightening looking crap that you post on social media. Stop it.

2) The viral promotion of entitled assholes. Post a pic of your favourite artist or your dog, but just put the brakes on promoting what you’re trying to put down. It’s the behavioral equivalent of the oxymoron.

3) People who don’t make appointments for matters that are going to take a while. Respect other people’s time folks, or expect to be disappointed. Which leads me to number 4…

4) Price matchers. That’s right. Put on your fat pants and do your research at home like the rest of us. Watching you flip through pages of newsprint while my milk curdles doesn’t really do it for me you annoying prick.

5) Tech support’s first response being, “That shouldn’t be happening”. No kidding Einstein, that’s why I’m calling. Now get on it!

6) Rogers ‘customer service’. It should be titled ‘sales-knobs-in-training’. If I wanted to spend 30 minutes talking to a 19-year-old trying to sell me something else, I’d go shopping for sunglasses at the mall.

7) Stupid drivers. I’m sure you can relate. Why is it that the first person at an advanced green always has more important things to do than actually make a left hand turn?

8) It’s still dark at 6pm. That’s right mother nature. I’m sick of your little four-month affair with old man winter you lazy whore. Get on the sunshine would ya?

9) There are no long weekends in January. Every weekend should be a long weekend this month. The first political party that campaigns with that little gem gets my vote.

10) I’ve been to the grocery store no fewer than three times this weekend, and I keep forgetting the vanilla frozen yogurt.


11) Self-righteous peckerheads who will comment that these are ‘first world’ problems. That’s right moron, they are. You’re a genius.

Wishing you a week ahead full of joy, and very few annoyances.

2 thoughts on “Enough Winter Already!

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