Waiting for a Sign; 2014

Guiding lights

Guiding lights (Photo credit: James Jordan)

Today is a rare and wonderful lazy Sunday. I know it will be filled with great music, leftover Indian food, and much thought about the closing of one year, and the revelation of another.

2013 was a challenging year. However challenging, in true Scorpio style, I rose to meet those challenges, mostly, I think. Well, let’s just say that I got by with a lot of help from my friends.

Not one to make resolutions, last year, I made a list. A short one. A “To-Do-List”, that would most likely take a year to be fulfilled.

With only three items on it, how could I not focus on each and every one, however massive and life changing those listed items may have been?

Unlike resolutions, lists are finite tasks which are intended to be completed. Resolutions are the equivalent of the late night booty call whom we wake up to sometime in March. Only then do we realize that our  resolutions  packed their carry-ons and quietly left around January 5th, leaving us with their ugly, snoring, unshaven twin-brother.

With a grand leap of faith and some ferocious determination, I whittled my 2013 list down to one, last, frustrating item. Frustrating, because I believe that except for being open to it, it’s out of my control.  That one thing is niggling at my insides.

Trust me, I’ve tried to tame it with stilettos, champagne, adorable men-folk, and fabulous lipstick. I have waxed philosophical and tried to surrender to it.  On more than one occasion I’ve tried to tame that little niggling #3  with bourbon and writing.

Alas, it remains unsatisfied, and teases me. It whispering about the universe and her grand sense of humour and mischief. I may, indeed, have already achieved what I set out to achieve in item #3 of my 2013 ‘To-Do-List”. I may be able to check-tick item number three, but I don’t know for sure. Nor will I before the clock strikes midnight and 2014 rises like a virgin debutant, casting her blinding light over the future.

Watching the tail of 2013 slither off into the shadows of the new year is something that I’m looking forward to, even though I know it will coil up in a corner of my soul like every year has since my birth, reminding me of lessons learned, and that surrender is necessary for graceful living. Le sigh darlings. Le sigh, indeed.

Not only is the new year upon us, but it comes in unison with a new moon. My body is so tightly bound by the cycles of the moon that I’m always tempted to hide until the tides of new and full moons are over. I’d like to say that I bring out my surfboard and camera when this happens, and play in the energy. The truth is, most times, I only don a brave mask, persisting rather than surrendering.

So, as I began this post, I fall into my lazy Sunday. It’s not lazy according to the standards of most. I will begin to take down the glitter and gold that welcomes Christmas. It is my ritual, and every year I do it alone, with intent, feeling that something has ended and something new is about to begin, even though I can’t define the ends or beginnings in concrete terms. I liken it to watching the last embers burn in the fireplace, and then rise again as new fuel is added.

Through a brilliant blue streak of profanity, the tree and the ornaments will be packed away. The fridge will be purged of leftovers, and I will begin to consider my list for 2014.

It will be a gentler list, a more spiritual one since my basic needs were at the heart of what I needed to change in 2013. I will be more specific and gentle with the thoughts and wishes I put out to our beautiful universe. But I will be as persistent. I will even be grateful to the beastly nature of 2013 that forced me to birth a new life, to challenge my self-confidence, my values and my spirituality.

I wish you a lazy Sunday, or any other day. One, during which you can take stock and reframe your purpose. May your ‘list’ for 2014 be true to what you need.

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