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PMS for Christmas

Fireball Whisky
Fireball Whisky (Photo credit: Houston Marsh)

Today was the day.

The day I wanted to say, “I told you so”, to all of the cynics who read my blog about doing Christmas shopping extra early.

It was also the day I wanted to flip the bird to non-advanced-green-drivers and customer service teenloafs who work hard at avoiding customers or service, harder than they do at actually working.

It was the day I decided I’d rather chew glass than be in touch with the man for whom my fridge is filled with dark beer who makes me about as much a priority as clipping his toe nails.

But, having been a meditation and spiritual practitioner for years, I knew that the only thing to do to tame the PMS beast was to put my aggressive energy to work.  I decorated the house, scrubbed the bathroom, and put a roast in the oven, all in under two and a half hours. Yowsa mamma!

No matter what I do today, unless it involves a deliciously devilish drama on my duvet followed by a fabulous fling by the fireplace, I will feel less than sated.

So, being fully aware of my own limits, mamma has her hooch lined up for either a great read, or a totally indulgent chick flick. I also have a Mai-Tai mix chilling in case I need to prepare for a night of hot lovin’s with a long, hot, Leonard Cohen serenaded soak.

After the blinds are drawn, unless you come bearing your manhood under the mistletoe, or great gobs of chocolate and champagne, stay away, stay far, far away.




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Santa Baby, I Feel Pretty…

toesinbathThe wild and wonderful Mae West once said, “Cultivate your curves – they may be dangerous but they won’t be avoided“.

God bless Mae West!

‘Tis the season to cultivate your curves ladies.

‘Tis the season of Christmas parites, and getting cozy by the fire with the love of your life while the winter wind whips up a wonderful wonderland.

Sometimes, just like preparing for a much anticipated holiday, preparing to go out somewhere special is just as satisfying as the event itself.

Tomorrow night marks the first of four, yes, count’em, four Christmas parties that I will be attending during the next two weeks.

I’ve fluffed up my party dress, have my open-toed, black satin shoes ready by the door, and a new tube of lipstick waiting to be unleashed.

There’s nothing better than feeling pretty. Besides being intelligent, devilishly charming and totally independent of course, my wee little butter toffee puddings.

Being a strong, independent woman is the only way to go, and when you combine it with indulging in your sensuality, well, that, my darlings, is nirvana.

Instead of rushing through the holidays, take time for yourself.  If you indulge yourself in some of the pleasures of the flesh, I guarantee that your holiday season will be merry, bright, and full of possibility.

Always make time for your pedicure (mine was just finished in a lovely shade of In My Santa Suit), and for selecting just the right jewelry to accentuate your outfit, even if your outfit is jeans and a sweater.

I’ve been dutifully massaging new Peppermint Twist hand cream into my cuticles and on my hands all week.  Thanks to some really great lip balm , my lips are getting ready for what I hope to be a season of mistletoe-snog related workouts with a tall dark and handsome hottie..

Tomorrow, after work, a long, hot shower will wash away the shell of the hustle and bustle of every-day-life, and I will delight in preparing for my evening out.

Whether it’s for a night on the town like tomorrow, or a night in with your best friend and lover, take time to pamper the body that has carried you through the past year.

You may not be gracing the cover of Vogue in the near future, but your body deserves a little worshipping and loving this holiday.

Love yourself first, and the rest of the world will fall in love with you too.



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Old Flames of Christmas Past

fire wine
fire wine (Photo credit: Dean McCoy Photography)

During the holidays, couples look cozier, happier, and like the enduring icons of Hallmark holidays.

Whether single or cuffed up for the season, it’s rare the adult who does not reflect on Christmas’s past and the loves of our life who have become unforgettable.

This post is for anyone feeling nostalgic for friendships and/or lovers of the past.  Perhaps you’re even flirting with re-igniting an old flame?

I have been fortunate enough to have loved men who offered me deep and enduring friendship, sincere understanding, have bared the vulnerability of the soul, and the silliness of the human spirit.

In the quiet hours I think of you; when the flames of the fire are dying and the tree lights are the only thing that break the dark silence of a home tucked in for the night.

Is my tall dark and handsome friend someone who will stick around for a while? Become an even more, dear friend? Maybe even one of those rare lovers who stand the test of time, and soothe my soul? Is one of my very best friends someone I will wonder, ‘what if’ about? Time will tell…

For the ladies and gentlemen out there tonight who have loved, lost, and found the courage to love again….

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He is Enough

“How many of you have ever started dating because you were too lazy to commit suicide?”~Judy Tenuda~
“How many of you have ever started dating because you were too lazy to commit suicide?”
~Judy Tenuda~


Enough. That was the single word on the placard that hung above the chair of my friend’s father just prior to his death.

Enough, as in; I’ve had enough of everyone else’s shit, or Enough as in; I am content because I have enough.  That’s the question isn’t it?

What is enough?

At this stage of life, I’ve had enough. Enough heartache, enough rejection, enough disappointment, and enough of other people’s crap.

But I also have enough. Enough joy during the time I spend with my child. Enough money to pay the rent and buy food. Enough friendship to buoy me up when I feel like I’m drowning.

Enough is a powerful word, and something that my generation needs to consider. What is enough from a partner or spouse? What is enough from a job or a pay cheque, and what is enough when you combine it all to say that you are ‘happy’?

It seems like today “enough” is so much more than what we need.

I have everything that I need. I am healthy. I am educated. I am employed. I have a healthy child.  I have enough…..and yet, every day I wish for more…..a man who loves me, total elimination of debt, a Caribbean vacation, and of course, a pay raise.

During the past few weeks I’ve had the chance to talk to a few men, and ladies, you need to trust me on this one, you need to be cognizant of what is enough in your relationships.

Yes, I do understand, you wonderful, fabulous, very sexy and sensuous ladies want a man who can appreciate the delicate creatures that you are. You want flowers and jewels and hot, passionate love-making. I can’t fault you for that. I would like that too.

What you need to consider is that, at this stage and age, the men in our lovely lives have been through hell and back trying to please our younger, less sophisticated selves.

A loving man, is enough. He may be quiet. He may be shy. He may be a  wild tiger in bed just waiting to be unleashed by a sensitive, sensual lover like yourself.

Think twice before you let him go. He may just be….enough 😉

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Christmas in the Kitchen: Holiday Butterscotch Marshmallow Squares

English: Marshmallows
English: Marshmallows (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I’ve done it!

I have my stock of the elusive-once-a-year coloured marshmallows tucked safely away  until I start my Christmas baking.

That’s right, this year I will not be out-shopped by other kitchen goddesses more organized than I!

This is a classic southern-Ontario Christmas treat. Christmas is the only time of year when the shelves are bare in the place where coloured marshmallows reside, so I suggest holding up your local grocer tomorrow for a couple of bags.

Butterscotch Marshmallow Squares


1/4 cup butter

1 large cup butterscotch chips

1 cup peanut butter

1 bag elusive coloured marshmallows


Melt margarine and chips in pan and add peanut butter.

Remove from heat and cool slightly bvefore adding marshmallows

Mix thoroughly and pat into a greased pan and chill until firm.

***rub a small pat of butter on your palms before patting into the pan to chill***

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Catching a Hottie Under the Mistletoe

norma shearer mistletoe
norma shearer mistletoe (Photo credit: carbonated)

Last night, while out and about flitting around like the great-white-northern social butterfly that I am, I had cause to think about solutions for single men this season.

My wonderful friends who find themselves single this year are mostly in their 40’s, happily and sometimes ‘meh‘ily employed, and wishing to spend their quality time with a wonderful woman.

“It’s hard to meet women”, I hear, “It’s too much effort,”, they say.

Hmph. That’s what women say too.

So I guess this post is for men and women who, like a casual outdoorsman, has taken their fishing pole out to the local river on a lazy weekend,  think that if they snag something worth keeping, they’ll make the effort to land it and take it home for dinner.

I hate to break it to you folks, you still have to make an effort to leave the house and bait your pole ready. Ah-hem….

My mumster always says to get yourself together and put on your best face, because you never know who’ll you’ll meet out for your coffee and paper, or a wander through the shops.

For single folks who may be looking for  someone of the opposite sex to snuggle up with during the holidays and beyond, I suggest following my mumster’s advice.

I also suggest a little dash of fabulousness sprinkled on a big plate of coming our of your shell. Here’s the list…

1) Invited out for the evening? Simply say, ‘Yes.’

2)Getting ready for an afternoon, evening, or even breakfast get-together? Stoke your holiday spirit, and allow yourself to get excited about it. Yah, that’s right, pull your single-sorry-socks up and be brave enough to lose your cool. There is nothing more of a turn off than someone who mistakes being aloof for being mysterious. We’re all too old to bother peeling away that many layers sweetie. Give it a rest.

3) Do whatever you need to do to boost your confidence. For ladies it can be as simple as a new shade of lipstick, or knowing a quick joke or two. For the gentlemen out there, spritz on some new cologne, or stuff a sock in your pants if necessary.

4) Practice gratitude. No one wants to hear about your problems. We all have them. Be joyful, be curious, be open to meeting someone new and having some fun. Dance, sing, tell a story – something, anything.

5) Don’t let chivalry die. For  strong, independent women, that means allowing a man to get the door for you, even if you have to stop walking. For guys, that means kicking it up a notch and remembering that romance is as classic as diamonds and making out on a shag rug by the fire. Well….maybe not in the same league as shag, but you get the picture.

6) Try to abolish expectation. Too young? Too old? Too….not what you thought you’d fall for? Nonsense…give it a chance.

7) Accept the awkwardness, and don’t let one maroon-move give you an excuse to stop trying.

8) Expect others to be only as perfect as you are. In other words, reassess your standards, and give the other person a break.

9) Accept the help of friends. Accept their invitations to dinners with the friend they think might be of interest, accept their invitation to take over your on-line dating fiasco, accept their critique of your too-high-expectations.

10) Set goals and make a plan. In a rut staying in every night? Make it a priority to get out to one of your favourite neighbourhood haunts at least three times a week.  Emote genuine interest in others, and an openness to meet someone new.

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Holiday Gift Giving Guide for Guys

“Opportunity knocks for every man, but you have to give a woman a ring.”
~Mae West~

Gentlemen, I feel your pain. I really do. Nobody will know you’ve been here. Your gift-giving insecurity secret is safe with me.

After careful consultation with the wonderful world of women, I give you the benefit of this almost-evidence based research freely, and from my heart.

Go forth with #1 and a few of the other suggestions to take you from out in the cold and into the soft bosom of the fabulous woman who has captured your heart.

1) Do your shopping now. You know, just in case…November is statistically the most likely month for a break-up, so be wise and keep your woman OR keep the receipt. Better yet, make some single woman’s month and ask her out on a date to go skating or look at the Christmas lights.

2) Nice women don’t ask for specific gifts. If a woman has you going mad to find just the right thing and will have a fit if you don’t find it, do yourself a favour and dump her. Get a nice girl who cherishes time with you, not a material score.

3) Jewelry. You really can’t go wrong. By the way, watches are not jewelry. Pearls and opals are not appropriate for a man to give a woman. Pearls bring tears and opals crack. Jewelry is a symbol of your affection. Your affection should not make a woman cry, or waver/crack. Buy the precious stones just to be sure…rubies, sapphires, diamonds or emeralds.

4) The gift doesn’t matter as much as the moment. Plan time with your woman before she has to ask. That means more than any gift.

5) Wrap it yourself. We think it’s cute.

6) Buy a card. A sappy one. Better yet, write your own. Pour your heart out. We will read it and re-read it. It’s the gift that keeps on giving.

7) Consult her friends. We share a strong sisterhood. If you care enough to ‘get the nod’ from the girls, we know that not only do you care for us, but you’re brave. Courage is sexy.

8) Pay attention. Does she buy her girly gitch at a boutique or Sears? Where does she go to the spa? Buy her gift cards for HER favourite spots.

9) Lingerie. Don’t. Just don’t even try. Gift cards. Generous gift cards. Women who choose their lingerie (with your taste in mind of course) will feel sexy in something that they choose. Garters and stockings? Something in leather? Give us the card, and we will find something that makes us feel hot, and that my dear man-friend is guaranteed to make you hot over and over and over.

10) The twelve days of Christmas. We love romance. Do something wonderful every day. A note, a hidden gift, a special toast by the Christmas tree before bedtime, a list of things you want to do together, a list of the things that you adore, a sweet treat….you get the picture.

Remember. We love you to bits. You are our best friend and the man who makes us feel like we’re home when we’re in your arms. Diamonds? Maybe. Thoughtfulness – that’s the best gift of all.