I Surrender

English: Magazine shot

English: Magazine shot (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I am a true Scorpio woman.  My emotions run high and deep. The deeper they run, the stronger they are.

As 2012 rolled from its stagnant stupor into 2013, I had hope, and perhaps some expectation for great change.

After all, hard work leads to success right?

After nearly 40 years on the planet, I am beginning to understand just what a simple, and misleading belief that this is.

Sometimes hard work is NOT what you need to do.

Sometimes you need to relax, stand back, and let go of all expectation.

My friend Carlo calls it surrender, but when I use that word, it conjures images of the old west, a pistol, and a bad guy with his dirty, rippling biceps in the air.

Call it what you will, sometimes the harder you work, the greater the realization that what you’re working hard to achieve may not be what you need at all.

Perhaps you shouldn’t have to work that hard for the right things;  the relationships, the jobs, and the plans that you need.

I learned this lesson hard, and late. My last relationship, my most difficult and painful, was, to put it rather plainly, hard. We often asked one another if perhaps we were forcing something that just simply, wasn’t meant to be. The answer was, yes.

For the past few months I have been working rather doggedly at a professional pursuit that has, thus far, been rather frustrating. My energy, self-esteem, and undaunting self-assuredness have all been depleted.

More often than not in life,  I need a less-than-subtle sign to just relax and let things be. To put my needs out there to the universe, and just let it be.

In the past these not so subtle signs have been falling and becoming severely concussed, losing my ability to speak, falling down stairs into the middle of a public square, and most recently, being slammed into on my way to work by a speeding car.

Considering the high-speed of the collision, I was lucky to walk away with just a few bumps and bruises. I can’t say I had some wonderfully powerful revelation as my head bounced from the steering wheel to the back of the head rest, but I was damn thankful I wasn’t really hurt.

For the first time in months, the shock of it helped me to release that deep river of emotion that has been wanting to break the surface for so long.

Carlo would be proud, I think I found my point of surrender. It took a less than subtle bump and few bruises, but I found it.

Today, I decided to stop working, and just relax while running a few errands.

What do you  know?  I was asked to be a contributing writer for a local charity.  The second unexpected  opportunity to build my portfolio and grow my own budding business.

I surrender.

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7 thoughts on “I Surrender

  1. Love, love, love your blog. Always makes me smile. And so often gets right to the heart / core of the issue/emotion/life.
    You have a brilliant and unique way with words.
    I too am in a “let it be” phase……sometimes easier said than done.
    Thank you

  2. Thank you for sharing your trials and tribulations. It helped me see that although I may not have found a job as soon as I had hoped, this has been my let it be phase.

    I am so glad that you are okay. You are an amazing writer and a cherished friend. Sending healing energy your way.

  3. Hey there. YOU ROCK! Remember, “surrendering” doesn’t mean giving up, far from it. To me it means that you’re saving your energy for when the opportunity comes around which you will be more than ready for. 🙂

    Surrender to how beautiful this world is all by itself. How incredible your body works when sitting quietly by a frozen pond, stars filling the sky, wisps of your breath in the air, heart pumping (seemingly all on its own), the walk, the ability of voice and language. I could go on but I know that YOU KNOW what I’m talking about. 😉

    Sharing a crazy thought with a friend or a sane one too… laughing at how simple it was to just BE together. To see the love in your child’s eyes for YOU.

    Who cares that ONE or even TWO things aren’t what you think you need right now. It appears that Life needs you, in the most LOVING WAY, right where you are. Trust that and you will find peace, it not a ‘laugh out loud’ snort through the surrender of tears that strangely have a mix of laughter in them.

    Love you, Bubbles.

    Peace and light, Carlo

  4. I so enjoy your humor and insight!! Makes me smile at myself for the places I’ve needed a 2×4 to get my attention. It’s a delight to cross your path. Looking forward to hearing more of your story… 🙂

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