I had just settled in with a sweet, juicy, orange, cup of tea, and a totally empty page when there came a very light, very short tap at my front door.
For two full seconds I debated whether to disturb my cozy position to answer, and then popped up to see who was there. No one.
Just a box on the threshold. From the thick black ink used to write my address, I knew that it was a care package from the Amazing Ms. C.
My faithful pal, the Amazing Ms.C is fabulously insane in so many ways, I can’t possibly love her enough. She is a couponer extraordinaire, and has a taste for comical,twisted, jack-ass inspired vengeance that only rivals my own.
I cut open the layers of packing to tape to find a plethora of her couponer-freebies (including amongst other things body cooling wipes for hot flashes, perfume samples, miniature crystal ball decorations, a full-sized tube of toothpaste, laundry and dish soap, herbal tea, and a full-sized mascara which I hope doesn’t give me eye fungus).
Thoughtfully wrapped up in a Virginia Peanut box was a cup and saucer set purchased at a second-hand store. For $2.00 the Amazing Ms. C has given me at least a full month of pleasure.
You see, I’m going to take the tea-cup to work, and teetotal around the office – saucer included – in the most sincere of proper-British-tea-drinking-ways. As a writer, witnessing people’s reactions is my study. The new tea-cup will be an interesting prop. It should distract me from some of the less pleasant realities of having to work for a living.
The Amazing C also sent a total of 22 coupons. 10 for Durex Play lubricant or/Toy. 10 for condoms. I didn’t even know that the local big box store/ pharmacy started to sell sex toys on the shelf. I can’t even begin to express how wrong that is.
I may just leave them at the coupon exchange counter tomorrow morning when I go out to buy my Saturday Globe and fresh baguette.
Perhaps a better idea is to see if I can use them all at once, purchase the Durex ‘toy’, and just see what kind of quality is being offered in over-the-counter sales, next to the opaque caged cigarette display. Seriously folks, we’re being legislated like stepford-citizens…but I digress.
One item included in the package that is sure to garner further posts for my faithful female and male followers alike is a book. The Amazing Ms. C looks out for my intellectual development too!
“Boyfriend Wisdom; Timeouts, Tantrums and Other Tips for Dating Guys Who Act Like Toddlers”, will surely be an intellectually stimulating read for a simple country gal like me.
I have to admit, getting creative with the time-outs kind of has me needing those body-cooling-hot-flash wipes. Yes sirree!
That’s what girlfriends are for – brightening your day. Whenever I speak to the Amazing Ms. C, we share a laugh, and uncensored conversation about unspeakable physical ailments, acts and afflictions.
In your lifetime, you will only ever find a handful of friends you can be so uncensored with, and those friends, my juicy little kumquats, are the keepers.