‘Hard to Buy For’ Gift Suggestions

“Let’s be naughty and save Santa the trip.”
~Gary Allan~

I don’t usually wake thinking of my neighbours, but for the past month, I’ve been thinking about them every morning before the sun comes up. I don’t even know them, but they’ve really been on my mind.

This particular neighbour has blessed our neighbourhood with a whining dog that they put out every morning at the crack-of-if-I-weren’t-still-naked-in-bed-I’d-get-up-and-kick-your-too-lazy-to-walk-your-dog-ass.

What kind of gift do you give to  a neighbour like that to express your gratitude?  I’m sure you have these type of  ‘hard to buy for people’ on your list as well.

As I rolled over and cursed God for giving me such wonderful neighbours, I thought the perfect gift would be a Kijiji advert for a free dog. After all, these neighbours are likely lovely people, what with their desire to share their puppy-love with everyone.

They must just feel guilty about giving up their furry family member because they don’t have time to care for the pooch properly. Yes, I think it will be placing the pup with a ‘loving  home’. Surely this will bring joy to the new owners. Ah yes, the gift of joy. What could be more Christmasy?

Then there’s the ex-boyfriend who just won’t let go. Should I get music? A movie? Perhaps a shirt and tie? No, I  think this year I’ll go with a full-blown paid dating profile, including a published telephone number. What better gift to give someone than the gift of love?

I also feel a particular kinship with the Asian guy who sits across from me at the cafe every weekend. Every Sunday he comes in and plops down beside me ( not before giving me a weird look and then pretending I’m not there). Every Sunday he diligently reads the newspaper, tossing sections on the floor, all the while picking his nose.

We see one another every week, and I kinda feel like I should give him something. You know, like the mailman and the guy who shovels the snow. This year, I’m going to go out on a limb and give the nosepicker a packet of tissues and a private lesson on how to bend over and clean up his public newspaper mess. Hopefully this too will translate into the gift of love, as in, he may have a shot at making human contact if he uses a tissue and isn’t a slob.

Then there’s the young barista boy who thinks I have a cougar crush on him because I’m kind. Getting my coffee has turned into something really weird and not-so-sexy-Mrs.-Robinsonish. I think I’ll bring in my latest love interest so the poor boy can relax. Yes, this year my chubby-little-boy-barista gets the  gift of peace.

Last but not least, we all have the difficult task of buying for our friend who puts their career first. Ahead of their family and friendships, and general human instinct to be kind and ethical. You know who I  mean, a comrade of the same-sex who’d sell their mother’s soul to the devil to get ahead or make buck. I have to confess that this one had me stumped. Until tonight.

“What could I possibly give this gentle spirit that they didn’t already have?”, I asked myself while watching a batch of unattractive men gab over coffee. Networking. Yes! Networking for the woman/man on their way up the corporate ladder. I decided that I would help them pursue their dream of meaningless-status-lording.

Since I am a social butterfly, and they’re socially incorrect,  I will make up really lovely cards with their name and number, generously handing them out with a smile and a wink to  wierd fellows/ladies like the  men who inspired the idea. Yes, the gift of networking. But since it’s Christmas, let’s call it friendship.

‘Tis the season for love, joy, peace and friendship. If you are struggling to find the perfect gift for that hard to buy for person on your list, just give me a ring. I’m sure we can come up with something  fabulous that won’t break the bank, and will be a perfect way of expressing your gratitude.

After all, without challenging relationships, we would have no opportunity to cultivate loving kindness.

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