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Dating Tips for Men 40+

“My boyfriend used to ask his mother, ‘How can I find the right woman for me?’ and she would answer, ‘Don’t worry about finding the right woman- concentrate on becoming the right man.”

Last night one of my friends commented that my blogs were “too girly”, and suggested that I dedicate one to manly concerns like engines and fishing and icky things like that.

Why on earth would I, a wonderfully fluffy and delicate girl care to enter into the dirty, greasy domain of the man-cave? That’s for you, you big, strong, sumptuous man-beasts, not me. 

In return for not invading your intellectual man-space, I will not beg and plead with you, breasts heaving under the weight of my need for you to stick your nose in our pretty little business about bubble baths, nail polish and keeping the house happy and homey.

I will however dedicate this blog to the single (and married) men out there who are dedicated readers.  You don’t have to confess in public that you read this, but we know you’re out there. 

I was surprised when my friend’s husband  embraced me, saying, ” I just love your blog. I subscribe,and read every one of them. Boy oh boy I can relate.” I was a bit surprised that a male septuagenarian had so much in common with my delicate female interests. Who knew?

This blog is dedicated to the odd ideas men have about dating and mating, and how those ideas need just a little bit of tweaking.

Today I heard one 40 something,recently engaged, childless woman speaking to another 40 something, single childless woman. The conversation went something like this,

Single Woman #1 – If you don’t mind short bald Chinese men, I have someone for you.

Single Woman #2 – Silence.

Single Woman #1 – He just can’t seem to find someone his own age without baggage. You know what I mean.

Single Woman #2 – Silence

Single Woman #1 – Yah, he’s been dating women in their early thirties, but he doesn’t enjoy their company so much. His mother doesn’t mind because she’d like grandkids, but she might not like it if he meets someone and moves out.

You will note that Single Woman #2 maintained a modicum of restraint by not replying, ” I hope you’re not serious. Do you listen to yourself?”  Foolish, foolish Woman #1.  Shame on you. Women of a certain age who  are single,  should  not be corralled to rescue every loser over 40.

I myself  have baggage. Children are apparently considered baggage by those who have made it into their late thirties and beyond still single and childless. Hmm?  Curious. Someone who has been able to maintain a relationship and raise a child is being judged by someone who has not navigated those adult waters of commitment and responsibility. Curious indeed.

I’m sure any woman in her thirties, forties, fifties and beyond should consider herself lucky to be partnered with a short, bald man, who apparently lives with his mother. Something smells funny in the State of I Still Live With My Mother. Smells kinda like baggage.

Advice for men over 40 looking for a partner;

1) First and foremost remember that you are no longer 25 years old.  Do not dress like you’re 25, and pride yourself on your drinking and partying habits.  This is unattractive, and leads available women to the conclusion that you are an immature loser who never matured enough to be in an adult relationship.

2)Expect women in their 30’s and 40’s to have had relationships, marriages and/or children. It’s called adulthood. You have the option of a free membership; join the club.

3)Living with your mother, sibling or roommate is not attractive. No woman wants a man who cannot look after himself, or like a mamma’s boy, bear to spend time in his own company. If you don’t like you enough to be alone with you – women won’t either.

4)Understand that educated, employed women are looking for those very same qualities in a man. Who cares what you do, just do something that is self-sufficient, with enough left over to take us on a date.

5)Groom. Properly and well. Nobody wants to date a slob. We don’t care about designer clothes and a buffet of fragrances, in fact it’s a fine line between manly grooming and being a sissy. Manscaping is juvenile. Grooming is masculine.

6)Ask women out. Don’t pussy foot around the issue. If a woman has given you the signals like saying she doesn’t have plans on the weekend or mentions anywhere in your conversation that she’s  single – she’s single.

7)Expect friendship. We know your loins are as fiery as ours, but at this age, friendship is as sexy as a six-pack. Friendship is the spark that starts a very hot partnership.

8)Take some risks. Yes, I’ve dated some men that didn’t initially make my lady parts blush, but as I got to know them, their personalities made them sexy as hell. Get over yourself, just let you be you, and understand that you may think you’re a hunk, but you’re an old hunk.

9)Socialize. It’s hard to believe, but Ms. Right is not going to come banging on your door while you’re slugging back beer in your tightie whities on your couch. You need to be visible, available, and lend  yourself to mingling.

10) Cultivate joy. A happy man is an irresistible man.



A little bit quirky, a lot a bit fun... Women have an embarrassment of riches when it comes to valuable experience. Throughout we history we have encouraged one another to live with courage. What better way to celebrate our gifts and wisdom than to toast our sisterhood with creativity, shared insight and laughter? Welcome to Sit down and stay a while. Invite your friends. Share your wisdom with us.

7 thoughts on “Dating Tips for Men 40+

  1. Welcome Back! I followed your blog last year and was excited for you when you left blogland to write that book that’s been burning inside you. Sooooo glad to see you have to returned. Keep up the good work!

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