The Case of the Paper Mache Toenail and the Missing Eyebrow

“It is better to be beautiful than to be good, but it is better to be good than to be ugly.”
`Oscar Wilde~

We’ve all done it.  Those little at-home-do-it-yourself beauty blunders that leave you scrambling for a remedy.

Earlier this year, as the snow was just starting to melt, and the ice had subsided enough to start running, I did just that, I started running again. 

My feet had other things on their mind though. Like not running. Like not adapting to new shoes. So, I tried three pair before I found something that suited my stride. I ran for two weeks in the second pair determined that my feet would adjust, and my toes paid the price.

Toe bang. Ouch.  I had one toe on each foot that looked like I had taken a hammer to them. I’d heard of it before, but decided it wasn’t so bad. So I had some bruising, I’d survive. Little did I know that my toes wouldn’t make out so well. 

Soon it became evident that my  pretty summer pedicures were in jeopardy. Horror of beauty horrors!

I have almost made it out of sandal season without jeopardizing the beauty of my feet. Almost. After my last pedicure I realized that my aestetician had gotten a bit over zealous with my big toe nail,and it had almost come off. What?! Gross! I think I’m going to be sick.

 How on earth could I live with that? My love life would not survive!

This qualified as a beauty emergency.  The solution came to me in a flash. One layer of clear nail polish, a thin, single layer of toilet tissue, and another layer of clear nail polish. Voila! One paper mache toenail kept in tact long enough to let it grow out, and no gross intimate encounters.

Why yes, thank you. I am a beauty genius. This expertise has come at a price though ladies.

For a short time I lived with an aesthetics teacher. She taught me how to do mani’s, pedi’s and waxing of every kind. One night after a long shift (long, long ago and far, far away) I decided I would wax my own eyebrows. My landlady wasn’t available, and I needed a nice tidy browline for my lunch date the next day.

Never wax your own eyebrows when you’re tired. That fateful night I  managed to wax the outer half of my right eyebrow completely off. Super. Besides the obvious pain, was the pain of being vain.

I had just started seeing a man I was head-over-heels for, and after penciling in my half eye-brow (thank gawd I’m fair), I was terrified that he would stroke that side of my face after a tender kiss and wipe my fake half-eyebrow off.

Lesson learned; let someone else wax your eyebrows.

Over the years I’ve come to realize there are a few tips for at home gal-grooming that I would like to share with you, my very fabulous, deliciously feminine readers;

1) Always have a box of your favourite shade of hair dye in your cupboard. You never know what might happen when you get the urge to go hair wild. It will come in handy, trust me.

2) Cuticle scissors – they do in a pinch when you can’t get to the spa.

3)Pre-waxed strips.  Apply a light layer of baby powder, press the strip on in the direction of hair growth and pull the opposite way, parallel to your skin. No unsightly hair.

4)Clear nail polish. Creates secure paper mache toenails. Stops runs in panty hose, and when you don’t have time to let your polish dry, it’s less likely to look unsightly with a small smudge than any coloured polish.

5)A really beautifully scented body lotion. For your toes, your elbows, your heels and anywhere else that needs a quick softening up before your man gives you a squeeze.

6)Tweezers. ‘Nuff said.

7)Hairband – even the most unruly hair – no matter what length, can be disguised quickly and easily with a hairband.

8)Extra Mascara – I keep one in my purse and my desk drawer. When you’re having a bad make-up day, good mascara and a bit of lip gloss can disguise lots.

9)Gin. Yes, Gin. Wine will also do. Two glasses, and no matter if you’re without any of the first 8 items on the list, you feel like a million bucks; like Marilyn in her white skirt, like you could take on the world wearing nothing but a great pair of heels while holding your gin on the rocks.

10)An unlimited sense of humour and imagination.

It’s called being resourceful and light-hearted. Sexier than anything you could ever primp or spray or polish into place.

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7 thoughts on “The Case of the Paper Mache Toenail and the Missing Eyebrow

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