All of the wonderful things that have happened in my life have been a combination of synchronistic (odd events coming together in a meaningful way) and serendipitous (happily accidental) circumstance. All of my most enduring relationships have started this way.
I have happily stumbled upon these people while out doing the things that I enjoy.
I got thinking about this today as I chatted away to a new friend about relationships. As two single adults, we’ve had ample time to ponder what we want from relationships and what we have to offer.
We met serendipitously at an award show, only because I stopped and said, “Hey, what are you doing out here?” He kindly answered, we struck up a conversation like two civilized adults, and the rest as they say is…..well, it just is what it is.
Today we talked about knowing ourselves and he asked me an interesting question; do you recognize a good guy when you meet him? Of course. Sure. Maybe?
I think we all recognize a good guy or a good gal when we see them, we just don’t recognize the ones who might be good for ‘us’. Or at least better than the bad boys that ‘us’ usually is smitten by. My friend thinks we can recognize this instantly, within a few moments, and I used to think the same thing. I’ve taken a different point of view though. I see this truth from a different doorway.
We’re usually smitten by someone we find attractive for a while. We recognize who is not a good match only after some time has passed, and if we’re attached to the bad news it’s a good deal of time after we realize that we’ve become attached when we take action to shake them off.
No one wants to be alone, but after a while, being unattached is much less complicated, less painful, and less likely to turn you into an angry version of Cruella DeVille focussed on jackass men. And we all know that if you’re wasting your time on a jackass man, there’s no time for the yummy, scrumptious wonderful ones that whet our feminine appetites.
Unattached?! But what about sex? Intimacy? For most adults sex is an instinct much like hunger. Despite liking a gourmet, leisurely multi-course meal, you have to get take-out or go through the drive through every once in a while. Much like sex, going through the drive through and short-lived tristes satisfy the urge but leave you feeling kinda gross afterward. And, sometimes that burger and fries it tastes pretty flipping good and hits the spot. Mmm! and Hmm?
A less than satisfying meal every once in a while is a small price to pay for an otherwise harmonious life right? But what does all of that crap do to you over time? Good or bad? Right or wrong? Enough or not enough? Both and neither at the same time I suppose.
If the best relationships are synchronistic and serendipitous, then they certainly can’t be forced. I know. I’ve tried. Le sigh….and a disappointing long-term relationship with a man who is not compatible with me is far worse than a week of drive through meals. Bleck.
The best, most satisfying
meals men relationships I have are with men I’ve met by happenstance or synchronicity or serendipity or a combination of the three.
None of the men in my life make me tear the petals off of daisies or make wishes on fruitcake under my pillow…not yet anyway. They make me laugh, they make me think, they make me happy to be alive. They are my friends. Some are pretty sexy, but shhhh, don’t tell them that ok?
Even though there’s an ad out there pimped by an internet dating company which claims one in five long-term relationships are started on-line, I question the quality of those relationships. I’ve had them, and frankly, they stink.
My advice is to get out there gals. Live a little. Hell, live a LOT! Do what you love. It makes you even more sexy,and desirable than you already are my glorious readers. It also makes you way more likely to metaphorically dine on filet mignon every night than on mystery meat.
Go ahead, live a little, but I warn you, it’s going to make you irresistible to those good guys out there. You know, the ones who send flowers, wash your car, take you on real dates even after they’ve woken up to your bed head a few times, and make you laugh like a kid, and hold you close, and love you like mad.
A little secret – it’s the good guys who are worth the laundry. Get your good sheets ready.