Getting a Gal’s Groove Back

“How do you know when you’re finished making love?”
~Jackson Pollock~

What to do? What to do?  How on earth does a gal get her groove back after a really nasty relationship? Hmmm????

First of all, I’m not a fan of ‘the relationship’. Generally you know that it’s going nowhere, but you just don’t want to be alone. My last relationship was like that. I spent two and a half years with one of the world’s most useless men.

Upon meeting him at Thanksgiving dinner, my bestie, was quite honest, and yet very supportive as we besties can be. She told me that he was rude  because he criticized the wine, the turkey, and the general lack of space that we had at the table. She said that she was afraid he would kill my spirit. What?! Kill my spirit? You must be joking right? She also said that she would love me no matter who I was seeing. 

This was followed up by a phone call from another friend and her husband after we had visited their home. They were concerned about my choice of relationship. My beaux thought that he had wowed them with his knowledge of food and wine, but the reality was they found him controlling, obnoxious and a bit of a bore.

Well, after two and a half years of having my head up my rear end, and hoping that a man who lied about his age, marital status, and even his name would be a good choice, I decided to get back what was mine.  There’s nothing like enjoying the company of other happy people to get a woman on the right track again.  It took some time. I turtled. I was hurt, and I was angry.

I needed time to myself, and time to look deeply at what I wanted from a relationship, and if I wanted any relationship at all. I decided that yes, having a man/men in my life could be a good thing. I just would not settle for less than the happiness I already had whether he was here for a good time, or a long time, or maybe even both. Having a good time after being in such a  joyless relationship sounded great.

But I missed having my groove back. I missed going out and laughing until it hurt. I missed having really fun visits with friends and their hubbies. I missed what it felt like to have a man be interested in me as something other than an emotional punching bag. I missed feeling sexy, feeling mischievous, feeling like me.

I remember one night driving home together with Mr.JoyVampire and suggesting that we go have a beer and listen to some live music at one of my favourite pubs. His response was, “Why would you want to do that?” Oh, I don’t know, maybe to have a beer and listen to some live music? It doesn’t take Dr. Phil to decipher that one. I wanted to have some fun together.

So, getting a gal’s groove back looks like what I’ve got planned for my solo weeks this summer. Movies, dinners, lunches… I have a breakfast planned at a cute little spot on Baldwin street, an art gallery visit followed by a ladies lunch. I am going to attend the birthday party of the most beautiful 2-year-old that I know and attend a bon-voyage party for a writer given by a radio personality. I have a movie planned with a new friend, although his movie choice puts him in the questionable category. I will go to a baseball game and host two little darling kiddos and their Newfie mom at my little pool.

But best of all, I have a hot steamy date night planned. We all know  that’s the best way to get your groove back right ladies?  Just a little bit. It’s not a first date, or an awkward-I’ve-never-see-you-naked-date. It’s the best combination of both, and that’s what a gal needs to feel girly again.  I know what I’m in for – a little sample of my own personal Christian Grey, and God willing he’s still as hot as ever.

The best part of course is the anticipation. It will take timing and planning. There are nails to be done, waxing to be negotiated, sheets to change, outfits to organize, and a tiny bit of sensual shopping to do.  There is bubbly to chill, music to put on,and two sets of lips – mine and his – waiting to be kissed.

I am well stocked with beer, wine, bubbly, and goodies to keep me safe.

So, whether or not you have a man to call your very own, or whether you just need to get your groove back in the most non-awkward way possible by reacquainting yourself with a wonderful lover from your past (or present) – give yourself the gift of a little indulgence.

Besides my Mr.Grey, I have another, younger, and just as cute slice of man pie on the menu…and then there’s the older one, the musician, the artist, the runner, the doctor, the butcher, the baker, the candle-stick-maker… Whew! I’m getting a little bit warm thinking about all of the possibilities. My, my! Who knows what might happen in the heady heat of our humid summer?

Guilt, my friends is a chosen emotion, and there is nothing wrong with two consenting adults being upfront and honest with one another. We all need rocking chair memories that bring grins rather than tears.

My advice for getting your single or married groove back? Give-in to some high-calorie-sexual-decadence, and tell yourself that you’ll diet tomorrow.

Be wise. Be kind. Be free.

 

 

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