Grooming Your Chops & Wiener Patch Bonus

“Manliness consists not in bluff, bravado or loneliness. It consists in daring to do the right thing and facing consequences whether it is in matters social, political or other. It consists in deeds not words.”
~Mahatma Gandhi~

As a very serious university student who prided myself in my ability to be objective, I wrote, and presented a paper on “Love” for a religious studies class. Love? what is love but a bio-chemical reaction and instinctual perpetuation of the species?  I focussed on evolutionary theories of male/female relationships.

Men were hunter gatherers, bred to be sly, silent and killers of beasts. Women were socialized to reproduce and  nurture the community through communication and preparing nutritious food from woolly mammoth bones.  In some cultures multiple partners ensured men never knew who their own offspring were, so they just provided for everyone. How lovely.

We’re in the twenty-first century now, and there have been a number of articles, studies and theories about the waning necessity of men. After all, women no longer need a big, strong, male with a larger proportion of muscle mass to go out and wrestle woolly mammoths to drag  back to the home fires.  Women have better educations, and although still fall short of pay equity, can maintain their own homes and provide for their children all on their own.

One could argue that because of the extinction (other than sperm to perpetuate the species) of the necessity of men, we’ve seen increased media pressure for men to meet an aesthetic ideal. After all, igniting wild pheromones in the opposite sex might actually ensure ‘his’ survival.

Looking at Details’ Special Grooming Guide, I will make an opposing argument. We are feminizing our men. We are waxing them smooth, selling them the equivalent of summer frocks in multiple ‘in style’ suits, ties and footwear.

I look at the short piece on”How to Get The Perfect Shave Every Time“, with no fewer than 16 man’sthetics. 16! Most women do with fewer accessories for a full make-up application.  The photo shows a tousel-haired man with shaving cream on his face, a razor poised to make the next swipe, and a white towel draped around his neck. Subtly sexy.

There are few things more sexy, more arousing than watching a man shave. It’s something we women don’t do. Well, except the bearded lady that was one of my great-aunt’s friends, but that’s another story for my therapist. Shaving is something very masculine. Kinda like standing up to pee in that macho one-hand-on-the-beast, the other hanging nonchalantly at your side, fly open, and pants hanging from your thrusting hips pose that only men can do.  These are two things that I will never be able to do, and that’s why I love you and want to kiss your freshly shaven, smooth, yummy smelling skin. I don’t want to kiss layers of moisturizer, fragrance and wrinkle cream. If I wanted that, I’d kiss the day care-lady. Bleck!

Then there’s waxing. Sure, I’m just like the next woman. The thought of seeing Channing Tatum take it all off in Magic Mike makes me tingle in the warm and lovely places that I wax. Hollywood has capitalized on his defined pecs, highlighted by a smoothly oiled wax job.

The reality of it is completely different. I have had the good fortune to snuggle next to very masculine chests ranging from smooth as a baby’s bottom to completely hair inhabited.  Do I have a preference? Of course. Just like I have a preference for circumcised or not-circumcised.

Most women’s basic preference is NOT CACTUS-PRICKLY. Cuddling next to a man who trims too close to the skin, or waxes, always results in a big ol’ prickly cactus. No woman wants to rub up against or snuggle that.  Special note here, same goes for your weiner patch. Groom, don’t shave. It’s like  humping a hairbrush.

Although the name “Nuxe Creme Fraiche de Beaute Formule Light” appeals to my vain nature, hearing a man sing the praises of the product would certainly affect how attractive he is to the opposite sex. Non Monsieur. Non, non, non. Merci, mais non.

So think about it gents. Think about the fine balance between making the most of your assets as you prep for a long weekend of hot summer wooing. We want yummy smelling, clean, strong, intelligent manly-men. We are feminine, and don’t need vain-girly-men  to balance out the energy in our lives. Don’t misunderstand me – do take care of yourself; work out,go for a massage, even a pedicure. Heck, we’ve evolved, and every woman loves a bit of a renaissance man.

Long, long ago, and far, far away, I dated a charming foreigner who dressed well, complete with cufflinks and coiffed hair. He was stylish and masculine. He, ironically wore the same ‘rare’ cologne of my previous beaux. I loved that he was tall, strong, and worldly. He had a wicked sense of humour, and took care of things.

And then it happened. It was sleep over time for an extended stay. I learned his dirty little secret. He panicked when he ran out of Clarins. I mean absolutely had-to-make-me-go-to-the-beauty-counter for him to buy the multiple products for his skin care regime. Having him tear up over his five step skin care regime was about as sexy as socks on a rooster. He was reduced to tears over the thought of showing his age. ‘Buddy’, I thought to myself, ‘I’ve seen you naked from the waste down. Skin cream isn’t going to save you.’

The bottom line – let yourself  be physically manly in a subtle, simply groomed way. Let yourself be emotionally available, and then, and only then gentlemen, will you be irresistable. Millions of products manvertised in your men’s mags won’t ever give you that kind of raw sex appeal.

Often, I have been complimented on my own skin. I believe it’s because I keep it simple. Soap, moisturizer and drinking lots of water. Ok, ok, the extra chub in my cheeks also smooths out the wrinkles. Oh yah, sex is a wonderfully fun and inexpensive way to get a little glow too. That’s the real secret.

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