Creative Writing · Entertainment · Girl Stuff · Health · Life · Men's Issues · Relationships · Singles · Uncategorized · Women's Issues

Ghosts of Dating Past Part II

Children's Valentine in somewhat questionable ...
Image via Wikipedia

My sage advice for those of you who are following on the dating path, and those who are walking beside me;

1) Always drive to the first few dates yourself. That way you can escape if you need to.

2)If you’ve been invited to spend the night with your date (my besty’s dad says never to accept said invitation prior to date #6), spend the entire night. Do not (like me) get up and leave at say, 3am while Mr. Wonderful continues to sleep, leaving his front door open and letting his cat out.

3)Always bring a large purse to his place.  That purse will  inconspicuously house your toothbrush and overnight emergency needs should you receive the sixth date invitation. Alternatively, the large purse has enough space to cram in just one of the bastard’s shoes if it all goes wrong. You will have the satisfaction of imagining Sphincter-Centre (please see previous post for contextual meaning)madly searching for his shoe just before work. Of course you will mature (like me) and realize that this is wrong, wrong, wrong. In the mean time, it provides instant satisfaction to the snubbed. If you’re a man, carry a backpack or something manly.

4)Wear something comfortable. There’s nothing worse than having a wedgie, sore feet, or having clothing cling to wiggly bits while you’re trying to concentrate on your lovely date.

5)Any man who is willing to hand out his number upon first on-line dating contact is a weirdo. Block him.

6)Don’t run from the really nice ones because you just finished up with a ding-bat. If you do, apologize.

7)Don’t play games. Unless of course you don’t want a commitment, then by all means, play away, but don’t be misleading.

8)Have sex before you commit. After all,  you try a slice of meat at the deli before you bring home an entire package.

9)Have back-up.

10)Give the back-up up when you think you’ve met a keeper. Give up the back-up immediately.

11)Be safe. Make sure someone knows where you are. Use a condom, and all of that parental wisdom.

12)Don’t give up. Never, ever give up.

13)Appreciate all people in your life who you don’t date. They are your friends.

14)Don’t settle, and don’t be a jerk either. No one is perfect. Not me. Not you.

15)If  he/she doesn’t make you laugh – RUN!

16)Age, height, weight – give some leeway, but demand kindness.

17) Use a loofah on your elbows and outer thighs (often ignored important intimate bits) and be well-groomed. You’ll feel better, and get felt more (Ooh-la-la!).

18)If they’re unkind to wait-staff – they’re unkind. ‘Nuff said.

19)Being right isn’t as important as knowing what’s important to argue about.

20)Know thyself. Don’t give yourself up to a relationship if you’re not ready – it’s not fair to the people you date.

21)Have a one night stand at least once twice.

22)Write love letters.

23)Give up cynicism. It’s not as sexy as love, peace, and good faith.

24)Send flowers. Wear lingerie. Write poetry. Be what you desire.

25)Introduce  to your friends. You know, just in case we hit it off.


26) If a man/woman wants to be in your life they will be. If they’re not around they fall into either the “back-up” category, or if you reach a certain age, they likely fall into the “not worth your energy” category.

Happy hunting. See number 25 😉

6 thoughts on “Ghosts of Dating Past Part II

  1. My bad. I can see how that could be misconstrued. I’ve always thought that direct eye contact, for that extra second, is kind of sexy. Ditto for whispering.

    This is terrible. I’m writing about this stuff and I gotta get ready for Mass. Terrible.

Leave a Reply to Northside View Cancel reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s